Tradesman Asked Me Out

[Creepy23]

I bought my first home recently and hired a company to complete part of the work I couldn't do myself. Met the sales manager very briefly twice to select the product.

He asked for my spare keys on the Friday so they could start early on Monday while I was at work. OK - gave them. Once he called to say the work was complete mid-day on Tuesday, I asked him to put the keys through my letter box before they left.

Instead he said he 'didn't know where he'd be that day' and asked to go to my work. I didn't respond. The next day he put the keys through my door. I made the full payment remotely and confirmed with a screenshot.

On Thursday morning, I received the following text out of the blue. I honestly found it shocking since I'd shown zero romantic interest in him, we'd only discussed the work and he appeared to be significantly older. Also pretty creepy that he had my keys and had hung onto them so he'd have an excuse to see me again.

I just didn't respond, blocked the number and changed my privacy settings. I've decided to do the other work in the house myself.

YABU - It's fine for men to ask you out once the job is complete
YANBU - It's creepy because he had your keys for days, knows where you live and lacks boundaries.

I don't think you can presume from his text messages that he was going to ask you out at work it may have been more convenient to drop them at your work.

He asked if you want a coffee - if you don't just say no I can't see anything you have mentioned about his texts or behaviour to suggest he would not accept that you don't want to go?

I'm not sure of the laws but hoping it's not illegal to ask someone you meet via work for a coffee in a polite way and I think you are making this into something bigger than it is, he isn't a stalker, abuser or a rapist because he asked if you wanted a coffee.

Thanks for your reply @twostraws I didnt think of it from that POV. I've been married for many years and never lived alone. Possibly over romanticising being asked out by tradesmen! I can see how in different circumstances you could feel vulnerable.

It would weigh on my conscience if I got someone sacked for a clumsy and ill-advised invitation to coffee. Especially as the OP didn't suffer any harm.

It isn’t polite to use a number you only have for professional reasons for personal reasons.

Meeting via work with both people at work is different since one of those people doesn’t have the others home address, number etc again, only gained due to professional reasons. Not personal reasons.

Like I said, I’d consider it getting himself sacked.

It’s likely a sackable offence for good reason. Don’t do it and you don’t get sacked.

I'm not sure of the laws but hoping it's not illegal to ask someone you meet via work for a coffee in a polite way

Sounds like a misuse of personal data that would constitute a GDPR violation. Not a crime, but also not acceptable.

People are assuming he's not self employed by calling on him to be sacked! At the end of the day she needs to feel secure in her own home first and foremost
An over active imagination will most likely focus on the worst case scenario, but instinct should never be ignored either. He hasn't been proven to have done anything harmful (although I would be uncomfortable having a stranger my home with carte blanch access to my personal possessions) yet he overode her request to leave the keys, then asked her on a date..I would invest in a locksmith whilst I was home!

Sounds like you need to organize yourself better.

Why did you ask AIBU when you clearly know and are actively defending how you feel 😂
you think he’s a creep, why did you ask AIBU! Bizarre!

I am organised.

It’s the customers that can’t make their minds up and change things left right and centre.

Relax. He only asked you out!
This site is so hypocritical.

Tbh he has all of this, whether he asks you out or not.

There is also a paper trail leading right to him should anything untoward happen.

Also, i ve always changed locks when moving into a new house, the previous owners may have given a spare key to other neighbours, the estate agent has had them etc.

Personally, i'd take it as a compliment, an equally polite refusal and move on, nothing more.

I’d contact head office and get them to pay for your locks to be changed, and to remind him that under GDPR he can’t use customer contact details in this way.

If he was attractive you would not be complaining

You can do worse than a tradesman.

They earn well, always in work, generally hard workers plus they can do your house up free of charge and always know someone who can do the jobs they can't. They are what I call husband material.

If I were younger and not already married, I'd say send him round my way OP.

It's not Confessions of a Window Cleaner circa 1975. Women should be able to buy goods and services without anxiety about being hit on. It's not appropriate for men to seek sex in those situations.

I would feel weird about this too, OP, and I'd definitely change the locks.

Personally, I never, ever, allow tradesmen to work in my home unless I'm there.

I worked in a house 7 years ago. Took me all day to summon the courage to ask the au pair out.

We have 2 kids and have been together ever since. Where or what is the best scenario to be asked out in? Builders and trades aren't the most tactful usually..

Where'd you get that cartoon? Incel Monthly?

I saw it on twitter, good isn't it 😁

What's "incel monthly"? Sounds interesting.

You have me there. I should have said "never give out your keys like you wouldn't give out your banking password."

I've cleared that up now.

I'm perfectly all right, thank you. I know that most men, like most women, are nice but some are not. You must know that too.

We should live our lives without undue fear while taking the precautions that make us feel safe. People will have different interpretations of that. I might think someone is being overly cautious but it's not up to me or you to tell them that.

This bloke made OP feel uncomfortable and some people, like me, have agreed and said she was right to trust her instincts and change the locks. She might want to complain about him which is up to her. I've complained about people - men and women - to their employer but mostly I've let it go. Most of us do that, don't we?

That should be the end of it. Not coming up with scenarios for his behaviour; handwringing about how people get dates these days; guilt-tripping about him losing his livelihood and suggesting dark consequences about daring to complain.

That's naive. Scary men can also be good looking.

As I explained earlier, I had two police officers come to my home while investigating a murder in my street. I knew nothing so we said goodbye. All fine.

Two nights later one of the officers knocked on my door while the other waited in the marked patrol car outside. I invited him in while explaining I didn't have any more information. He said it was nothing to do with that, he wanted to ask me out.

He was young and attractive and in another time and another place like in a pub on a Friday night I'd have agreed to a date. But it was creepy as fuck to be alone in my flat with a big uniformed man in authority.

I made a feeble excuse about him being terribly attractive (he was, a bit) and being flattered (a lie - it scared the shit out of me) but having a fiance (I didn't but wanted to flatter the ego of the strange man I'd trusted to come into my flat because I was scared of him being offended) and I'd have to reluctantly decline. He did leave but not before saying I could have a last fling before marriage.

I don't know about you, but I think that is all kinds of wrong and in breach of codes of conduct and employment practices.

I didn't find a man skiving off duty with his mate and trawling for a shag on the pretext of investigating a murder terribly inviting. In fact, I found it scary as fuck for a police officer to do such a thing and this was way before we learned about Wayne Couzens, the rapist and murderer of Sarah Everard; David Carrick the multiple rapist who specialised in befriending victims of crime he met through work; those two coppers who shared obscene photos of the dead bodies of sisters Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman; and the officers at Charing Cross who were in a SnapChat group swapping assorted vileness about women, black people etc. Charing Cross is my local police station.

I don't think I've outed myself there because the Met have closed so many stations that it's miles away from me and thousands of us live here. It's just that you can't trust anyone these days, not even policemen. If I was raped I'd think hard before reporting it to the Met and particularly if it was in my own home which is covered by their finest at Charing Cross, most of whom are still serving.

I made it up. Check if the domain name is still free for you and bitter friends. Have that business idea on me.

Sounds like you are overreacting a bit love. How was the man being entitled. He was obviously attracted to you. I’m not saying you should be flattered but you shouldn’t let your past experiences dictate your attitude towards men. I hope you are able to move on.