to run for the hills from this guy

[Amysunsure]

This year will be my first Christmas with DP, who I’ve been seeing for about 10 months. Everything has been going great, we get on amazing, met each other’s families, and have been on holiday together not long ago. We even talked recently about moving together in around a years time if things carry on going well. My colleagues have been saying how much happier I’ve looked this year and I know it’s all because of him.

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me, and I honestly do not know what to do and I’m here for some advice.. I feel so upset, but don’t know if I’m overreacting,

DP and me are both huge fans of Christmas, and earlier in the week we were at his place, listening to Christmas songs (lol yes I know, in October) , talking about our favourites songs,
he was playing me a playlist he had put together.

I was horrified when the Gary Glitter song “another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas” started playing. As a child of the 80s, this one would always come on around Christmas time, but obviously very abruptly stopped when things were revealed about him.

I told DP to turn it off, and he asked why??! I said I’m not listening to any music by him, do you not realise what he did??

DP reply by saying “yes, I know, I feel very guilty saying this, but it is a good song isn’t it!! I don’t see why I should stop listening to the song!“

I literally stopped in my tracks and said to him, what do you think of what GG did? He said “well he’s disgusting, obviously, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s a good tune.”

so I have gone from feeling on top of the world and feeling like I had met the person I saw a future, to I don’t know if I can carry on being with him! All in the space of a couple days!

am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?

Please be kind, I’m upset!

This is bonkers! I listen to Wagner and he was a nasty antisemite - but his music is great. Just chill out.

I think you are being a tad unreasonable. And yes I listen to MJ and Wagner. And enjoy the art of Gauguin.

I'm so torn about it too but I do still listen and sing because at the end of the day I just think it's a good song.

This seems a crazy over reaction from you. It’s a song.

I was walking along with my 4 year old DD a couple of weeks ago and she was dawdling. I said come on a couple of times to her and then started singing that Come on, come on song. Got a few houses distance down the street before my brain clicked in and I thought oh yeah, I shouldn’t be singing that song, especially to a little girl. It doesn’t make me a red flag or a terrible mother. Just someone who grew up when that was a song that got played so it’s logged somewhere in my brain and came out unthinkingly when I was saying repeatedly some of the main words used in that song.

This is one of those 'can you/should you separate the art from the artist situations'. Some people do and some people don't. I agree with you and would just never play it, but some people find it easier to listen to a song just to enjoy the music. If it helps, I believe that Glitter does not get any royalties from people playing his music.

I think your partner is a bit silly (esp because there's a reason that no radio stations ever play Glitter's songs/none of his TOTPs are ever repeated) but I wouldn't let this be the reason the relationship ends. You've talked about how great the relationship is otherwise and you're happy. You could just say that you don't want to listen to it, and agree that he'll skip that song in the playing when you're together.

YABU - having to make a moral judgement on every artist you enjoy is not practical. I take your point that this feels like an extreme and obvious example but if you extrapolate it to all musicians, painters etc it gets totally out of hand.

If I was your DP's friend or family I'd actually tell HIM to run from the hills from you if this is your reaction to something so small. He is not supporting what he did, he admits it was awful but he likes the song. It's just a bloody song. It's not a song about being a pedo. Get a grip. Do you have to agree on everything? Do you always need to control everything and need to get your way?

Eric Clapton?? Say it isn't so!!

Dare I google? 😱

It’s weird how Bowie seems to get a free pass

It's absolutely fine to separate the art from the artist. It's equally fine to not want to.

You're unreasonable to be disgusted by him, but not unreasonable to not want to listen to the song.

@QWERTYoutside

I agree wholeheartedly!

I couldn't listen to any music or enjoy anything if the artiste was a paedophile, I've never liked any mentioned so far, never listened to any of them.

I don't like SciFi either.

If someone I liked became known as a paedophile that would be It for me.

Like you, I'm shocked at the replies here.

Nothing sexually abusive as far as I'm aware but he has exhibited signs of racism.
Made a racist speech back in 1976.

Tbh I generally don't see why a previous song/woek/film etc needs to be disappeared from the world due to the artist turning out to be abhorrent in one way or another.

If I was personally affected by someone's crimes then I would likely not want to see or hear them but I don't see why anyone else in the world needs to be prevented from watching/hearing/seeing it.

To everyone saying it's no big deal,

Would you watch a Rolf Harris show? Listen to his music?

Or Savile?

And in the years since, he couldn't have realised how wrong he was and changed his views?

You think a man (or woman) might change their views over a 40 year time span?

Of course I wouldn't listen to Rolf Harris, his music is shit.

Savile didn't produce art, so there isn't anything he produced that exists outside of himself.

I read Roald Dahl. I know he was an antisemite and that is disgusting, but his books are not.

Since someone did a thread earlier about AI written posts (genuinely had NO idea that was happening until today), I can now see that this OP was written by AI.

it's too perfectly structured into paragraphs, and just way too banal. Also the OP hasn't replied to anyone...

Seriously wtf is the point of having a forum where it's just bots arguing with other bots?

Tbh, I'd dump you, in his place. Not because you didn't like GG's tune, but because you overly-dramatic and ridiculous, prone to manipulations and emotional blackmail. It's a nightmare to be with people like that.

So you've been with him for some time, everything's perfect by your own admission, he's a great lovely guy, treats you nicely, etc. And you kicked off threatening to leave him because of one song? If I'd be him I wouldn't want to continue, thinking that you'll do shit like this again and again, stamping your feet and threatening break-ups over some trivial bullshit.

So if he promises to stop listening to that Christmas song, would everything be ok then? What if he likes M Jackson? Led Zep? Bowie? Aerosmith? Elvis? Sinatra? Polanski's movies? Movies with Kevin Spacey? Movies produced by Weinstein? Reads Hesse? Or Heidegger? Buys Hugo Boss perfume? Watches Floyd Mayweather box? Etc etc etc. Where's the line?

There are vast vast amounts of famous people/artists who are far less than upstanding citizens and/or actual abusers. Tons of rockstars from the 'olden days', painters, writers, actors, directors, producers, etc. Peadophiles, wife-beaters, racists, misogynists, actual nazis or sympathizers, antisemites and more. Very likely you might even like some of their work, without even knowing about their personal lives. It's fine to agree to disagree, but break and otherwise great relationship over that? Ridiculous.

@SurprisedWithAHorse

I've never liked Roald Dahl, neither did my DC.

I wouldn't be buying or reading his books knowing that about him.

I neither know or care, just pointing out that while his views (back then at least) were, while unpleasant, there's never. been any suggestion that he's sexually abusive which is the theme of this thread.

I feel the same way about ignition by r-Kelly. Such a shame!

funny how we are all still absolutely fine with Michael Jackson though eh??

Don’t dump him over this!

Yeah, I do think you would be crazy to end it over this. If this is literally the only thing concerning you. I personally can't think of a Gary glitter song I like, but I heard a Michael Jackson son the other day and enjoyed it. I can understand how you feel about the song personally. But I think some people can really disassociate and others can't. It doesn't mean he is a bad person or he endorses GGs actions.

@SurprisedWithAHorse

Sorry, posted too soon, the fact that Rolf Harris's music is rubbish is not the point.

What if his music was brilliant?

He was a talented entertainer, my DDs loved Animal Hospital, so did I, now it makes us feel grubby, knowing what he was doing.

I’m with you, OP. Dump his ass.

Well, I was being a bit glib with that. However, my point is that the art is not the artist and exists even when the artist is dead. (Roland Barthes wrote an essay called The Death of the Author, essentially arguing that art exists individually and once it's out there, the artist may as well be dead for all the influence they've got over how people take it.)

My feeling is that as long as the evil is not in the art, it can be enjoyed without in any way condoning the artist. I appreciate it complicates the issue when the artist is getting paid for it, but appreciating the art isn't condoning the artist.

There's no child abuse in Rolf Harris' art and no antisemitism in Roald Dahl's books, so my feeling is that it's fine to enjoy both. It doesn't mean we support their hideous actions or beliefs, but the art exists outside of those.

Obviously you have the perfect right to feel differently and if I were buying you a gift, I'd make sure not to get something you'd find offensive and upsetting.