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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to run for the hills from this guy

289 replies

Amysunsure · 29/10/2023 00:26

This year will be my first Christmas with DP, who I’ve been seeing for about 10 months. Everything has been going great, we get on amazing, met each other’s families, and have been on holiday together not long ago. We even talked recently about moving together in around a years time if things carry on going well. My colleagues have been saying how much happier I’ve looked this year and I know it’s all because of him.

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me, and I honestly do not know what to do and I’m here for some advice.. I feel so upset, but don’t know if I’m overreacting,

DP and me are both huge fans of Christmas, and earlier in the week we were at his place, listening to Christmas songs (lol yes I know, in October) , talking about our favourites songs,
he was playing me a playlist he had put together.

I was horrified when the Gary Glitter song “another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas” started playing. As a child of the 80s, this one would always come on around Christmas time, but obviously very abruptly stopped when things were revealed about him.

I told DP to turn it off, and he asked why??! I said I’m not listening to any music by him, do you not realise what he did??

DP reply by saying “yes, I know, I feel very guilty saying this, but it is a good song isn’t it!! I don’t see why I should stop listening to the song!“

I literally stopped in my tracks and said to him, what do you think of what GG did? He said “well he’s disgusting, obviously, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s a good tune.”

so I have gone from feeling on top of the world and feeling like I had met the person I saw a future, to I don’t know if I can carry on being with him! All in the space of a couple days!

am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?

Please be kind, I’m upset!

OP posts:
MrsLighthouse · 30/10/2023 19:09

It’s probably not something to break up over as there’s so much good stuff in the relationship and as people have said SO many famous people did awful things .
Personally , I can’t watch Sean Connery in Bond because he famously said
“I don't think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman ... although I don't recommend doing it in the same way that you'd hit a man. An open-handed slap is justified. If a woman is a bitch, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I'd do it. I think a man has to be slightly advanced, ahead of the woman. But I wouldn't call myself sadistic.”…
However many people adore him including my ( gentle ) husband who says it was a quote of the times …🙄

Pineapple35 · 30/10/2023 19:16

Wondering how long you were single before you met DP if this is a serious question about breaking up with someone?

YABU

pumpykins · 30/10/2023 19:17

Ah gosh. It’s not really a reason to LTB

just agree to disagree

no relationship would ever last if we all broke up over differences of opinion

hes not condoning gary glitter behaviour

SENDintheClowns101 · 30/10/2023 19:18

IMHO you are being really really unreasonable. To contemplate ending an otherwise happy relationship over him liking a song is really bizarre. You don’t have to agree on everything. Just because he likes the song doesn’t mean he agrees with the atrocities GG committed, as has been said many a time the art is separate from the artist

Henbags · 30/10/2023 19:32

That is literally INSANE!
it would be bad if he didn’t think what Gary Glitter did was bad, but the fact that he likes a song… c’mon.
I like “I’m the leader of the gang” so I must therefore be pro paedos…

Ellie56 · 30/10/2023 19:49

You've found someone to listen to Christmas music with you in October ffs, you freaks are few and far between; you need to stick together,

Grin Grin

BurnoutGP · 30/10/2023 20:21

Bonkers. Yes YABU for clarity. And bonkers. And dramatic.

Horrorqueen81 · 30/10/2023 20:41

MJ was never convicted of anything though

kierenthecommunity · 30/10/2023 20:57

When I was little I apparently reacted to GG on TOTP like some people reacted to Saville. My mum said I was scared out of my wits by him and used to cry when I saw him 🤣

However RARC is in my top 3 Xmas songs 🙈

As it hasn’t been on a Xmas complication CD in about a decade or more, I’d guess he got it from some ancient CD he bought years ago. So it’s not like he’s supporting his post prison existence

Kellogg1 · 30/10/2023 21:22

You’re being completely irrational.

If we discounted everyone in life who listened to a song or watched a tv show/film that had a celebrity pedo in it we’d have no friends left. Just because he likes the song doesn’t mean he condones paedophilia and the fact you can’t distinguish the difference for the sake of this relationship which makes you visibly happier is concerning.

MeinKraft · 30/10/2023 21:24

What, really? That's a great song!

TravelInHope · 30/10/2023 21:31

The relationship is over. Leave him.

MsCactus · 30/10/2023 22:04

Can you separate the art from the artist? The eternal question

Haffiana · 30/10/2023 22:11

People still get treated at Stoke Mandeville Hospital despite the fact that the money that built it was raised by Jimmy Savile.

You are mistaking virtue signalling with real life, OP.

WimbyAce · 30/10/2023 22:17

I still sing along to the song, as your chap says it is a good song.

MrsMarzetti · 30/10/2023 22:24

If you had a great relationship because of this then your boyfriend will have dodged a bullet.

Zerosleep · 30/10/2023 23:17

Seriously what the actual fk. Are you serious? It’s just a song, chill the fk out! Talk about a massive overreaction.

anon666 · 30/10/2023 23:23

I'd ignore this. It's one with very different perspectives depending on whether you view art as inextricably linked to the artist

Once you decide one way, it's hard to see the other POV. But I'd you never made the mental leap you can't see the problem.

I'd give it a bit more time.

Boomboom22 · 30/10/2023 23:38

Do you really never put on mj? I don't think I could do that.

riceuten · 30/10/2023 23:48

A 99:1 one in all probability

BluebellsareBlue · 30/10/2023 23:50

Jesus god in heaven!! Seriously?!? Get a grip of yourself. It is a great xmas sing. Catch yourself on

BluebellsareBlue · 30/10/2023 23:51

And of course the OO
Has never returned. Can't believe I replied to one of 'those' threads

Glasgowgal200 · 31/10/2023 00:26

I love the Phil Spector Christmas album and he was a convicted murderer!!!! He made some damn good music!!!!

Skodacool · 31/10/2023 00:27

Aria999 · 29/10/2023 00:43

I think it feels more horrible because it's recent. A lot of artists and musicians in the past were probably horrible people but you don't know about it so don't have to worry about whether it's ok to enjoy their art.

I think it's a personal decision tbh, if you don't want to listen to the music that's your choice and if your DP does, don't judge him. It's not as if he's trying to argue it wasn't that bad, or something like that.

This; they say Beethoven wasn’t very nice. I think OP is going to lose a lot if she breaks the relationship over this.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/10/2023 00:45

Skodacool · 31/10/2023 00:27

This; they say Beethoven wasn’t very nice. I think OP is going to lose a lot if she breaks the relationship over this.

Show quote history

My threshold is "is the artist dead?" because dead artists can't profit from me listening to their stuff. I regard their widows and kids as innocent of whatever the artist did and don't mind royalties going to them.

So I'm fine with Miles Davis, even though he beat his wife at least once, but not with GG.