to run for the hills from this guy

[Amysunsure]

This year will be my first Christmas with DP, who I’ve been seeing for about 10 months. Everything has been going great, we get on amazing, met each other’s families, and have been on holiday together not long ago. We even talked recently about moving together in around a years time if things carry on going well. My colleagues have been saying how much happier I’ve looked this year and I know it’s all because of him.

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me, and I honestly do not know what to do and I’m here for some advice.. I feel so upset, but don’t know if I’m overreacting,

DP and me are both huge fans of Christmas, and earlier in the week we were at his place, listening to Christmas songs (lol yes I know, in October) , talking about our favourites songs,
he was playing me a playlist he had put together.

I was horrified when the Gary Glitter song “another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas” started playing. As a child of the 80s, this one would always come on around Christmas time, but obviously very abruptly stopped when things were revealed about him.

I told DP to turn it off, and he asked why??! I said I’m not listening to any music by him, do you not realise what he did??

DP reply by saying “yes, I know, I feel very guilty saying this, but it is a good song isn’t it!! I don’t see why I should stop listening to the song!“

I literally stopped in my tracks and said to him, what do you think of what GG did? He said “well he’s disgusting, obviously, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s a good tune.”

so I have gone from feeling on top of the world and feeling like I had met the person I saw a future, to I don’t know if I can carry on being with him! All in the space of a couple days!

am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?

Please be kind, I’m upset!

I would be so turned off by some who liked Gary Glitter's music ..... That I couldn't think about shagging them again.

That is totally aside from the fact that it is the music of a convicted child sex abuser.

It's just so shit.

It would be among the songs that I'd pay a subscription to stop being played.

As PPs have said, you can divorce the art from the artist as long as the evil is not within the art. That's why Disney remains such a massive and successful business, but they no longer show Song of the South. (Though they will play Zip a Dee Doo Dah.)

If you don't want to listen to GG, you don't have to, but personally I wouldn't break up over it as long as it's very clear it's the art he likes, not the artist.

You're completely bonkers, OP. Perhaps your DP would be better off without you.

very few of these people are / were angels

Yes, but prolific child sex abuse is kind of in a league of its own. Not sure why that needs pointed out.

This link is worth a look.

Better check he doesn't have Frank Sinatra's Christmas songs though...

"Frank Sinatra was iconic on stage, but there was a lot of shady stuff that happened off-stage. Let's talk about one part of that: his temper. According to The Telegraph, it was so bad that one of his wives once described him as a sort of Jekyll-and-Hyde character, and there's a whole list of physical altercations he was involved in. First, the ones where someone got seriously hurt.

He punched a reporter in 1948, eventually settling the assault and battery charges filed against him. He was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel when he threw a phone at a random businessman who was also there, and cracked the man's skull. He nearly killed his then-wife Ava Gardner by throwing a champagne bottle at her so hard it cracked the bathroom sink.

Sinatra destroyed an insane amount of stuff, too, usually in fits of rage. He took a knife to a Norman Rockwell painting and shredded it, threw a malfunctioning TV out a window at Sands Hotel in Las Vegas, and smashed a car radio when The Doors' "Light My Fire" came on. GQ says some of the stuff that met an untimely end under his boot was pretty priceless, too, like the Ming vase he destroyed at a Hong Kong hotel after someone missed a lighting cue. That's what happens when you get too used to having things your way."

Read More: https://www.grunge.com/110681/respected-musicians-actually-terrible-people/

It's ott. Also if you've been together 10 months and don't live together I think calling him your partner is a bit much too.

I was thinking about this the other day. There's a little known Brit band that had some fame in the 90s. I listen to their music still, constantly. They are exclusively my favourite band, even though the lead singer clearly has all kind of issues. I was thinking that if something similar came out about him/them could I suddenly stop listening to the music that has got me through some of the roughest days? I'm not sure I could.

However, I'd be happy to remove one random song from someone I don't totally love from a playlist though. I mean, I'm sure he can cope with not listening that crappy song anymore.

It’s obvious it’s the last day of half term.
Christmas songs in October? GG? Really? 🙄🙄🙄

You are mental to end things over this. It’s a great Christmas tune, I’ve kept one particular Christmas compilation CD purely because of this song as you can’t play it on Spotify. I don’t condone what he did, he’s a repulsive man, but the song is good. Me listening to a song doesn’t change anything. I wouldn’t play it at a Kids party and it’s right that his music has been erased, but you’d seem beyond rational to fuck up your whole life because of a Gary Glitter song! FWIW after watching the Jimmy Savile drama recently I found the theme tune on YouTube to Jim’ll Fix It and played it, again it’s a great little tune. No one was harmed.

There are so many examples of bands and singers that are just as bad but for some reason it’s acceptable to listen to them. Steve Tyler from Aerosmith actually adopted a 14 year old girl so he could have a relationship with her! Jimmy Page from Led Zepplin had a 14 year old “girlfriend” who he actually kidnapped at one point.

Stairway to Heaven will always be a classic song, whatever we think of Rolf Harris!

Some people can separate the art from the artist, some can't.
If it helps he likely had help writing it and producing it by loads of people

You would be off your head to dump this absolute keeper over this.

It's October lol and you are listening to Xmas playlists together??? Do you realise how few men would tolerate let alone enjoy that?

Honestly you need to apologise for overreacting. And you need to consider that he might dump you, I wouldn't be impressed if someone accused me of supporting paedophilia just because I played a Gary Glitter song. I've got a playlist somewhere on Spotify with Rock and Roll part 2 on; cracking song.

I think you are being a bit dramatic over a song. I do agree that I wouldn’t want to listen to anything by GG or RH due to their convictions but I don’t think I would end a relationship over it, I would just ask them to remove it from the playlist as I find it offensive. To be fair there are probably lots of artists that have done things to women (possibly kids) that we don’t know about. I don’t listen to MJ because it makes my skin crawl but I was at a family event earlier this year where they played MJ and it did make me feel a bit ick.

just ask him to remove it from the play list and move on.

"am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?"

Yes

Only you can decide where your own red lines are, OP. If this is one of them, then better to know now.

If you've talked to the partner and asked him not to include that song and he still does it, then that is another sign.

@Ponoka7 not wanting to pay tax is not the same as being a convicted sex offender! 🙄🙄🙄

If he had a picture of Gary glitter as his screensaver and wore merchandise with his face on it, I would understand your reasoning.

but to like a song that he listens to a few times a year, it sounds too drastic and dramatic on your part.

I don’t switch off the radio if I’m in the car and a Michael Jackson song comes on, they’re admittedly very good songs.

To 'run for the hills'?? A tad dramatic - usually this refers to a guy who is abusive, into drugs, or at least creepily controlling. Lighten up - you are being very unreasonable. Surely you can agree to differ here. As many pps have pointed out, it's possible to separate out the artist and the music, and it's not as if your DP is defending GG.

There's a guy called Eric Gill. A sculptor whose work I greatly admire. His sex life makes GG's look respectable. While I condem that, I still admire his work.

Confusing the artist with his art seems to be a 21st century phenomenon.

By the same reasoning, you'd have to screen out everything by Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Chuck Berry... The list goes on. And stop watching movies by Roman Polanski, Woody Allen and many others. Where do you draw the line?
There is the same issue in other fields. Schrodinger was a disgusting excuse for a human being. Heisenberg and Jordan were enthusiastic Nazis, But we can't do without the quantum mechanics they created.
I think the only sensible way forward is to separate the work from the creator, avoid anything with associations that you find unpleasant as a personal choice and expect other to do the same, with consideration for others. In this case, if someone else thinks it's a good song, but you find it objectionable, they should have the courtesy to only listen to it when you're not there, and you shouldn't be offended if they do.

Awk come on

I can't not sing along to Ignition when R Kelly comes on, and he checked into the Not Well Hotel a long time ago

Musical genius, total freak and I hope he never sees the light of day again

YABVVU!!!!

being with another person who inevitably has different thoughts, beliefs and values to you isn’t always straightforward. Certain things are dealbreakers,( but is this really one of them)? You cannot know at the outset who you will both be through decades together. Through how you would parent, deal with long term illness, change voting habits, manage money, relate to family etc.

if this man makes you happy, you love him and you feel enough of you lines up with enough of him and there are no huge differences then the compromises and debates are something you need to learn to embrace. If you can’t, you probably shouldn’t live with him.

It’s ok to disagree and leave it at that on subjects that don’t greatly influence your life. You won’t like everything about him. Some things will upset you. Some things you might hate. I’ve been with my partner for 30 yrs. mostly we get on. We differ in parenting style in a way that is hard work and was a surprise. We differ in the way we socialise. We like different food and music. He now snores. I am an angry feminist now, which I wasn’t in my youth. But we love the bones of each other, and the graph of our relationship with all its ups and downs shows that.
you are still in those early early days of love…I imagine you are just starting to see him more honestly and weigh up whether it could stand the test of time. You need to think. Properly weigh up the things that matter, and talk to him. Relationships are messy. Just be sure you like him as much as you love him. And don’t move in if you don’t feel ready. (And check out his family…seriously, you’ll be lumbered with them)!

If I were your boyfriend I’d be seeing this as a huge red flag against you I’m afraid. I potentially sing along to GG songs every Christmas. I’ve no idea which one is his. It doesn’t mean I’m some closeted pedophile sympathiser.