to run for the hills from this guy

[Amysunsure]

This year will be my first Christmas with DP, who I’ve been seeing for about 10 months. Everything has been going great, we get on amazing, met each other’s families, and have been on holiday together not long ago. We even talked recently about moving together in around a years time if things carry on going well. My colleagues have been saying how much happier I’ve looked this year and I know it’s all because of him.

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me, and I honestly do not know what to do and I’m here for some advice.. I feel so upset, but don’t know if I’m overreacting,

DP and me are both huge fans of Christmas, and earlier in the week we were at his place, listening to Christmas songs (lol yes I know, in October) , talking about our favourites songs,
he was playing me a playlist he had put together.

I was horrified when the Gary Glitter song “another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas” started playing. As a child of the 80s, this one would always come on around Christmas time, but obviously very abruptly stopped when things were revealed about him.

I told DP to turn it off, and he asked why??! I said I’m not listening to any music by him, do you not realise what he did??

DP reply by saying “yes, I know, I feel very guilty saying this, but it is a good song isn’t it!! I don’t see why I should stop listening to the song!“

I literally stopped in my tracks and said to him, what do you think of what GG did? He said “well he’s disgusting, obviously, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s a good tune.”

so I have gone from feeling on top of the world and feeling like I had met the person I saw a future, to I don’t know if I can carry on being with him! All in the space of a couple days!

am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?

Please be kind, I’m upset!

You're mad getting annoyed at this.

One song and you're prepared to wreck a good relationship?

Maybe do it for his sake if that's your level of commitment.

Madness.

How about movies? Harvey Weinstein was a criminal and abuser of women. Many actresses got roles after being raped. Do we watch movies in which he had a part (unfortunate word)? Do we admire actresses who were abused, do we admire those who turned him and the roles (with terms and conditions attached)? Do we admire actresses who submitted to abuse for the benefit of their careers?
Dilemma dilemma.

OP, don't finish with him over it, I generally don't listen to MJ anymore cos of the allegations, but let's face it, where are you going to find someone else that will willingly sit and listen to Christmas songs with you in October - he a keeper surely for that alone...

You're massively overreacting. Don't sabatage your relationship over this.

Haha, exactly, I just commented something similar! They need to keep each other what ever else they might listen to, watch or think!!

I think you have to separate the art from the crime. Should we all boycott the BBC because of the Eric Gill artwork it displays?

I agree with him - and yes you would be unreasonable to end things just over this if everything else was good. But you can end a relationship for any reason at all but this wouldn't feature on my list of reasons!

A very silly over-reaction IMO.
Even Daniel Barenboim (very famous Jewish conductor and musician) can admire the music of Wagner, who was violently anti-Semitic and an inspiration for Hitler.

Your post makes me curious how you and DP have handled other issues where you have different views, especially when they touch on values?

Yes ending things over 1 song is ridiculous.

R Kelly is in jail and I still listen to his songs, as he is one of the most incredible song writers and singers in the world.

I separate the music from the man.
And tbh I can imagine that a large percentage of the male singers will have done stuff that just haven’t been found out yet.

However, you said this:

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me,

So there have been multiple things that you feel aren’t right?

It sounds almost like you’ve been in the honeymoon/love bombing phase and now you’re starting to see the real him and your gut is telling you something.

The song is a red herring.
Slow the relationship down and look for the red flags that you might have missed.

"Run for the hills"?

I was expecting to read something much juicer than a sodding GG song being played

Do you eat any food that is not completely ethically produced? Do you use any products whose inventor was morally questionable? If you discovered that the inventor of say the first washing machine was a pervert would you wash clothes by hand moving forward? I think it’s is possible to separate out the art from the crime. Had your boyfriend condoned the abuser and made light of his crimes that would be entirely different.

You'd be absolutely insane to end it over this. Some people can divorce the art from the artist, some people can't.

Neither are wrong, it's just a difference in opinion. Just ask him not to play it in your company.

I hope you are still reading OP. If you are this keen to cancel someone then I really really hope you never drive or sit in a Volkswagon car, especially a beetle 😱

I would not leave him because of the song. Let him play it and if it's upsetting to you, leave the room while it's on.

I think he should run for the hills from you, and save himself a life of drama.

I hate it when OPs don't come back to acknowledge the responses 🤬

Oh god op.

Just end it.

I personally draw the line where when I discovered the music/film/art, was it ok?

For example, Lost prophets sound tracked my teenage years - so many memories of festivals and firsts to those songs and I can detach the future crimes.

If he ever got out (not happening!) and released more music, I would boycott it.

Similarly, Chris Brown is still actively making music even with the known DV - I refuse to listen to anything by him and actively switch away on the radio.

As pp have said, its a very personal line to draw and, whilst I'd discuss my standpoint, I wouldn't see it as a red flag (unless they were v dismissive/rude about my views)

Is this a bot post??? Surely can't be real.

YABU - how do you cope with real problems?

Yeah must be a joke - no-one could be this ridiculous!

I felt the same way about Eric Clapton when I found out about him.
I wouldn't break up with someone over it though.

Very much so including the ridiculously dramatic title

You are being unreasonable!