to run for the hills from this guy

[Amysunsure]

This year will be my first Christmas with DP, who I’ve been seeing for about 10 months. Everything has been going great, we get on amazing, met each other’s families, and have been on holiday together not long ago. We even talked recently about moving together in around a years time if things carry on going well. My colleagues have been saying how much happier I’ve looked this year and I know it’s all because of him.

except this past few days I have felt things might be about to crash down around me, and I honestly do not know what to do and I’m here for some advice.. I feel so upset, but don’t know if I’m overreacting,

DP and me are both huge fans of Christmas, and earlier in the week we were at his place, listening to Christmas songs (lol yes I know, in October) , talking about our favourites songs,
he was playing me a playlist he had put together.

I was horrified when the Gary Glitter song “another rock ‘n’ roll Christmas” started playing. As a child of the 80s, this one would always come on around Christmas time, but obviously very abruptly stopped when things were revealed about him.

I told DP to turn it off, and he asked why??! I said I’m not listening to any music by him, do you not realise what he did??

DP reply by saying “yes, I know, I feel very guilty saying this, but it is a good song isn’t it!! I don’t see why I should stop listening to the song!“

I literally stopped in my tracks and said to him, what do you think of what GG did? He said “well he’s disgusting, obviously, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s a good tune.”

so I have gone from feeling on top of the world and feeling like I had met the person I saw a future, to I don’t know if I can carry on being with him! All in the space of a couple days!

am I crazy to think of ending things with him over this?

Please be kind, I’m upset!

ermmm no, I wouldn’t end a happy relationship over a Christmas song.

It’s often been my experience that when you disagree with someone on a big issue, when you scratch the surface and listen to the other person’s views and reasons you often find that you have more in common than you thought.

I’m coming up now on two decades of marriage and there are things that dh and I have fundamentally disagreed about. Sometimes, I’ve opened his eyes to issues he hadn’t considered. Sometimes he’s made me aware of complexities I wasn’t seeing. And occasionally we’ve had to accept that we disagree. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s very valuable to be forced to think hard, dig deep and really consider our alignments. Nothing in life is absolutely simple. And our relationship is richer for our differences.

Only you can really know if there’s enough substance in your relationship to be worth trying to overcome this hurdle. Ten years ago, I’d have said that maybe at a gut level you know something isn’t quite right and this is why you’ve thrown up a roadblock.

But SM and cancel culture have done a number on our psyche. If you haven’t yet delved into the origins of cancel culture then I strongly suggest that you do. Because the line between standing by your principles and values, and tumbling into a purity spiral is dangerously narrow.

The other problem of our age is that we live with continuous distraction and entertainment and have lost the times for quiet contemplation that are essential for critical thinking. I’ll sound like an old fogie for saying this but you’d be wise to step away from this thread for a while, and just let the issue percolate for a while in your own mind. Take a walk, or get out in the garden and just think.

I tend to think it's how 'close' the person is to their music.

I have never heard Lost Prophets but they strike me as being an arty band where the songs are sort of from the heart IYSWIM whereas with Glitter these songs are just lightweight and not a reflection on him.

Sorry if not making sense but just adding something new.

The more the music is deemed to be 'of' the person the worse it seems.

For example, Bill Wyman was not the songwriter of the Rolling Stones. Jagger and Richards are/were and while I'm sure neither of those two are saints they've never been accused of anything illegal.
Like Bowie and Jimmy Page were.

I think it’s fine to draw a hard line with something like this, however I’d expect you to apply it across the board, so no Chanel perfume, no Weinstein company films, no music by men who took advantage of underage groupies. You’ll probably find that a lot of the things you love are no longer available to you.

If it upsets you then he should accept that. We don’t know why you are so upset by it. Glitter’s music might be triggering for you. Is it?

Personally, I wouldn’t choose to listen to Glitter. You can’t hear that music without thinking about what he did - and for which he was convicted. When it came on during the film The Joker it took me out of the film for a bit because I kept thinking about his crimes.

Do you listen to Michael Jackson? Now, there is an artist who is impossible to cancel because his music is so deeply embedded in culture. Also, in his case, the accusations remain just that as he was exonerated iIn a court case. However, I personally believe his alleged victims.

Given how many famous, powerful men turn out to be abusers, you would be left with very little pop culture if you cancel every single one of them. It's shit, but it's not our fault as consumers of art.

Sorry @Amysunsure but you are being utterly ridiculous.

It's a song he likes. He agrees with you opinion of the artist he just doesn't agree with your ridiculous demands to never listen to music he happens to like.

To be honest your behaviour is far more red flag for ending the relationship than his is

YABU

Me too!

Are you just getting cold feet?

Usually these threads go the other way- the title is "He doesn't load the dishwasher" and in the OP "Oh and he likes to punch me in the face." I was expecting something awful from him... however if you can't get over it of course you have the right to end things.

You don't get to censor what your boyfriend, or anyone else, listens to. If you are not grown up enough to separate the art from the artist, you should at least be able to grasp the fact that other people can.

Everyone going on about MJ (and I'm not interested in being controversial) but I thought it had been made clear a number of people just wanted money out of him? Didn't one of the 2 boys come out and say that his mum made him lie? And another allegation came from a dentist who drugged one of the kids and asked him for info? So pretty baseless?

I think it's your partner who needs to run.

Yabu

What about Michael Jackson??

He's still on the radio A LOT - yet no one seems bothered.

To the OP - YABU - your boyfriend has not exactly said he finds all paedophiles marvellous

You are bonkers!! He sounds like a lovely guy who can see GG was awful but doesn’t conflate those crimes with a Xmas song he loves. Do you feel the same about Michael Jackson? How about songs with dubious lyrics and a catchy tune?? You need to give your head a wobble!

@Blondebutnotlegally cross posted - sorry - haven't read full thread.

I'd watched a documentary on him years ago, and the evidence seemed legit but perhaps it was wrong??

Dear lord, you've met this great guy who makes you really happy and treats you well yet you are considering splitting over a song? Good luck with meeting someone new! It sounds like you just aren't that into him as you think you should be, and that this is just an excuse.

Yeah I remember that documentary! Unsure. Evidence seems conflicted but lots of money involved

I was thinking that too. Sounds like he is not going to ever have a different opinion on something.

Yes you’re being crazy. Reasonable to say to him you don’t like to hear it so please don’t play it, unreasonable to say he should be dumped for playing it in the first place. GG was a disgusting person. I have no doubt I will end up hearing that song multiple times this Christmas

Add Aerosmith to that list of artists, and you'd better also refuse to watch any vintage Top of the Pops with John Peel.

Rock n' Roll Christmas is a banger. Don't let the memory of that old paedo remove it from your life, and don't send a good bloke packing for listening to it.

YABVU. It's a Christmas classic.

If I was your " partner" I would be heading for the hills.
Being told what to do would get my back up.

I think it’s a sign to slow down and check how your morals and views compare in other aspects of things.

In real life would he associate with someone who was found not guilty of an awful crime just because the evidence wasn’t there to convict?

Would he support a business whose background is dubious ?