AIBU to go on holiday without toddler?

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Speaking to a childless (by choice) friend today and mentioned DH has booked a trip for us. It was a pretty decent deal so went for it. My DD would be staying with grandparents who look after her a couple of days a week whilst we're at work (their choice).

DD is 2.5 and would still be sticking to usual routine so going to nursery the other days etc as parents live in same town.

Friend says I'm incredibly selfish to be going away without child (child will be going abroad in late summer with us so not a case of missing out). For context, friend goes on holiday loads so not a case of jealously, has been to this destination several times.

We would be away 9 nights in total inc travel.

My DH and mum say to ignore her and that it's nobodies business, but I just want to know if we are BU?

Of course the outcome is the same but the reason makes it very different. Going on a holiday is completely optional. Toddlers and young children won’t understand the difference but as adults we can understand that sometimes we have to make tough decisions for work or emergency situations.

I'd be getting rid of the friend...sounds awful.

9 days is a long time at 2 years old. I’m sure she adores her GPS, but she will presumably miss you and it will be hard for her to understand or make sense of why she’s not able to see you for that long. Of course I’d never say this to you if you were my friend, but since you’ve asked, yes for me leaving a 2 year old for 9 days is too long and a bit selfish, they can’t rationalise things the way we can, and it’s too much of a risk she’ll be confused and upset by it.

I would be miserable as sin to be away from my toddlers for that long.

However, if it works for you...

We did this last month, I had a lot of guilt and was upset for some of the holiday. But overall we enjoyed it and had a great time. DS had a lovely time with his grandparents. On reflection maybe 9 days was too much but everyone is different and every family situation is different. Don’t let people judge you, do what is right for you.

A night or two away is different to 1.5 weeks. You can't explain to a 2 year old that you are coming back so they risk being scared. It's much too long.

9 nights is a long time at 2.5 years
ds/dd stayed at grandparents for one night max at that age.
we did go away for 1-2 nights for wedding anniversary when grandparents stayed at ours I think, but not at 2.5 years - we would’ve had both DCs by the time the eldest was that age so at the youngest, DS would’ve been about 5ish?
I was no martyr, I went out from youngest being 5 months, still bf’ing, etc but staying away for 9 nights is full on.

9 days being spoiled by loving grandparents? Child will have a ball.

It's one thing to have a different view point, it's another to be a nasty piece of work.

The only person I know who habitually left her children with her parents to concentrate on her husband is the one who's husband had no connection to the family unit and buggered off with another woman. So every story has a different ending.

I wasn't one for leaving my children but I think the OP is so her baby will be fine.

This is how I feel too

I'm no mummy martyr but both parents being over a week away from a toddler is a lot.

And I don't think it's intrinsically different for work - but usually work trips, a child will be with their other parent. I also actually do think it's selfish to have a child if you'll be working away for very long stretches of time (I don't mean the odd overnight but more the oil rig/military thing)

To put it into context - if you were looking at the same ratio of age to time away it would be like leaving a 35 year old for four months.
How would you feel if your spouse casually mentioned they were off on holiday without you for four months op?

This is utterly bonkers! Comparing leaving a 35y old to a toddler!

OP I am envious that you have the set-up and the mindset to do this. I wish I could have left my kids as I struggled a lot, but could never have done this. Guilt, anxiety etc. I don’t mean that passive aggressively; I genuinely wish I had given
myself a bit of freedom. I struggled leaving them a lot, even for work. If you and your parents think it will work, then go for it.

Even though the OP asked AIBU, so presumably is aware people might say yes, these threads always turn into bashing mums who say they wouldn't leave their children at such a young age. It's like the only way to deal with the guilt is to make out those who say YABU are somehow unhinged.

Completely the opposite it’s full of mothers saying ‘oh I couldn’t possibly leave my toddler at that age’ and ‘why have children if you want to go on holiday alone’ and ‘if you have children you need to accept that adult holidays alone are a thing of the past’. Etc etc.

I just think more fool you if you can’t bear to leave your child for any length of time.

Children are young for such a short time I don't understand why anyone would choose to miss out on holidays with them. But that's just me and I accept that people are different.

You can do both! And to be brutally honest going abroad with a toddler wasn’t my idea of a relaxing holiday. You can’t take your eyes off them for a moment. I spent plenty of time with my children. 12 waking hours a day 7 days a week is quite enough. An occasional break does everyone some good. And mine have such a lovely bond with their grandparents. Win win.

You'll always get extreme reactions on here OP. You do what you feel is right and stuff everyone else, none of their business.

I'm on a FB uni group and someone posted that they were sobbing every night since their 18 year old son went to uni as they had only been apart for one night in his whole life! Christ. 🙄

Obviously not very attached to their parents then

9 days (does that include all your travel time?) is far too long for a toddler and Miami is far too far away- if your toddler was ill or there was any kind of emergency, you couldn't get back quickly.

DT’s, DH and I are a close knit family but whilst we were away DT’s were looked after by grandparents but at nursery during the day. DT’s had a lovely time and haven’t been damaged or neglected.

It’s nine days - not months on end. The OP isn’t saying that they won’t also have a family holiday. We did both.

But you don't know the DC will have a ball. That isn't a given.

That's a long time to be away. I never trust my own responses to this sort of thing, because I didn't have any help at all from anyone when my DD was small and I get all jealous and cross...but I do think that's too long to be away on a non-essential trip. How lovely to have free 24/7 childcare on tap so you can swan off and dump all your parenting responsibilities on someone else.

If I had had to work when my children were young I would want to spend all my annual leave with them. But obviously some people are more bonded than others. Bonded not martyrs.

Personally I think it is selfish, as your baby will miss you a lot while you're away, and you're putting your own desire for a holiday without a child above their feelings. That's the definition of selfish. 9 days is a long time for such a small child. Of course it's your decision which you're perfectly entitled to make, but it is nonetheless selfish IMO.

@Isthisexpected yes! Always accusations of being a 'martyr'. No, actually, I wouldn't WANT to leave a toddler to go away, I'd miss them and be sad and wish we were making memories together instead. Nonetheless I do believe it's a very selfish thing to do to a toddler.