My partner is abusive. I don't know how to get out

[Everythingwillbeokeventually44]

Met him in January, he seemed lovely. Prior to meeting him I'd left an abusive marriage. I was rock bottom and trying so hard to rebuild myself and my life.

Started dating this guy in June, he wanted more than I did, I tried to end it and he said he'd kill himself if I ended it. Stupidly I panicked and went to him.

Between now and then when I've stayed at his and he's turned nasty I've wanted to leave he's literally blocked my way. Another time he told me to get the fuck out, he was throwing my belongings down the stairs when I tried to get them and go he grabbed a knife and slit his wrist, he took my phone so I couldn't call for help and basically forced me to watch him bleed until he passed out.

He's slashed all 4 tyres on my car before and kicked off my wing mirrors. He's driven at me in his car whilst I've been in my car.

He's bit my face leaving scars. It was a deep vicious bite. He has kicked me off my feet jarring my back and fracturing my elbow.

He manipulates everything always making himself out to be the victim and he truly believes he is. I'm not allowed to defend myself in anyway or answer back when he's ranting at me.

He's threatened to harm my family and said he'd pay someone to leave me in a wheelchair eating through a straw.

I was absolutely broken when I met him, I'm beyond that now. I feel so suicidal. I just can't find a way out. I am genuinely terrified of the bloke and what he is capable of.

He has been drinking tonight (I don't drink) he's again gone off on one, he's the victim and he's now said he's going to the train station to end his life.

I have never felt so low in all my life. I met me ex at 19 there was an age gap, over the years he hit me and left me unable to look at myself in the mirror because of cruel remarks being called all the names under the sun, I literally hated the sight of myself. I honestly thought I'd met a good one and wanted to take it slow which we were and I managed to open up to him, he helped me with my insecurities, I genuinely thought he cared and loved me.

I'm to scared to go to the police because I have no proof and I genuinely think he'll kill me if I do. I'm scared for my life.

Due to withdrawing I started missing work, making mistakes so to top it off I've also lost my job.

I just can't take anymore. I am so weak I've got no fight left in me.

I don't trust the police. I rang them once when he first said he was going to end his life. I was distraught and asked them to do a welfare check.

They did, he told them I'd assaulted him and I was arrested. I spent the night in a cell when I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. This is what also contributed to me losing my job because of the profession I was in.
The police wanted me to accept a caution but I refused so the case went to CPS and I've heard nothing.

I'm to scared of him turning it around again and lying and me ending up getting arrested again.

When I was released from the police station the following day he was there on the car park waiting for me

Can you call new era then 0300 303 3778. Women’s aid too but as pp have said it’s hard to get through. I still think in extremis you are safer at a police station than where this man can find you. This mumsnet thread should help your case. Plus police potentially in a lot of trouble if they get this wrong and put you in danger.

Your update is the best news! Congratulations, seriously.

Now stick with it, confide in your parents & work out what to next.

You fucking did it - you got out! I'm so so pleased for you.

So happy to hear that you've taken the first steps to ending this nightmare. However, do not underestimate this creep. Even if you've hidden your car, he's no idiot and will likely check the barns and such to find it. My ex was almost identical to the man you are describing and would go to extreme lengths to find me and stalk me. I would seriously consider 'disappearing' for a while and leaving no trail ie.Social media etc. The police and Women's Aid should be informed and every single time. Don't believe the suicide talk, its utterly bullshit. It is textbook manipulation and intended to make you care and forget all the bad stuff. This man is dangerous and out of control and you need to make the police aware. They cannot arrest you for asking for help. Please please take the advice given here by multiple women who have a clear understanding of what you are up against. Please do all you can to protect and surround yourself with people who care about you and do not leave yourself vulnerable.

This happened to a friend of mine too.

He even went so far as to cut himself with a knife and then call 999 to have her arrested.

However when the amount of abuse she suffered came out in interview, they went back and arrested HIM. He was charged with assault and she was released without charge. She had photo evidence of her injuries and texts as proof. He had no evidence because she did nothing wrong!

He ended up going to prison for that and GBH involving someone else.

Point is they might get it wrong but once they know all the facts they will act very differently!

Completely understand your distrust of the police. If an allegation is made against you, of course they must act on it, however that doesn't mean you should spend a night in the cells.

What I would suggest, is to contact your local police station and explain your situation. Tell them about all of the abuse. Provide anything you have that shows he is unhinged and explain that you're anxious that he will make further false allegations in retaliation for you leaving him.

If anything, they'll have it all on file and it will inform officers of the whole situation, if he were to make another allegation.

Try going to the police my lovely. I know they get a bad rap sometimes but they can help, even if it's only to listen and to get your side on record. This is what they are here for. There is a big focus on domestic abuse and safety for women from men at the moment which means you'll be a priority. Being blunt, they won't want the repercussions if he kills you and you reported him. And he will escalate. Please go and talk to them, I implore you x

I've just read your previous message, you poor thing x

Ring me if you're stuck. Always here.

Regardless of your past negative experiences with police - if he turns up at yours please ring 999.

Dont stay at your house! Go to a hotel far away.

He pulled up at mine yesterday afternoon, saw my car wasn't here and left straight away, didn't even bother getting out of his car.

Due to the rain the lane is now flooded in both directions which his car wouldn't get through so I've woken up feeling a little safer today and tomorrow at 10am I collect keys for the new place.

Thank you so much for all of the support. It's really driven me to get out of there once and for all xx

Thank goodness op. I hope you can get out around the flooding tomorrow. Do not look back. Do not let him know anything about where you are. Do not tell anyone who might tell him.

Good luck today getting into your new place.
I'm 18 months out of my abusive relationship. He wasn't as physically violent as yours but he would play the victim and threaten suicide. I was incredibly lucky that he ended up in prison so I could do my leaving when he was safely out of the way.
But I got a huge amount of support from Women's Aid, please do ask for help, it's there for you.

Good luck with the new place today op.

You've done amazing to get out.

Let everyone know when you are safe in your new place OP!

Hope you're safe and settled in your new place. Relax and enjoy the peace.

Hi OP Are you safe and at your new place now? Please get this lunatic arrested. He has committed criminal offence after offence against you and you WILL be believed. Please let us know you’re okay.

Good morning,

Thank you so much for the continued support. He turned up yesterday 6 times each time he left straight away because of my car not being there.

I am packed my car is loaded. I've loaded it this morning and I'm not heading over to the new place to collect the keys now.

Today will be the first day I'll have telephone signal so I'll be contacting women's aid and picking up a new sim car so he can't ring off a withheld number.

Xx

Good luck today!

Please report him to the police especially that he's turned up 6 times. This has to be recorded officially, he's not going to give up because he'll hate to lose. He'll just bide his time and continue to look for you.

Once the police are involved watch him deflate like a ballon, he is a weak coward .He won't come near you and will probably move on to someone else . Don't even think about another relationship until
you are in a much better place

Good Luck today, you are amazingly strong .

Good luck, you can do this. What a terrifying man.

@Everythingwillbeokeventually44 sending so many happy vibes. Please be careful, good luck x