My partner is abusive. I don't know how to get out

[Everythingwillbeokeventually44]

Met him in January, he seemed lovely. Prior to meeting him I'd left an abusive marriage. I was rock bottom and trying so hard to rebuild myself and my life.

Started dating this guy in June, he wanted more than I did, I tried to end it and he said he'd kill himself if I ended it. Stupidly I panicked and went to him.

Between now and then when I've stayed at his and he's turned nasty I've wanted to leave he's literally blocked my way. Another time he told me to get the fuck out, he was throwing my belongings down the stairs when I tried to get them and go he grabbed a knife and slit his wrist, he took my phone so I couldn't call for help and basically forced me to watch him bleed until he passed out.

He's slashed all 4 tyres on my car before and kicked off my wing mirrors. He's driven at me in his car whilst I've been in my car.

He's bit my face leaving scars. It was a deep vicious bite. He has kicked me off my feet jarring my back and fracturing my elbow.

He manipulates everything always making himself out to be the victim and he truly believes he is. I'm not allowed to defend myself in anyway or answer back when he's ranting at me.

He's threatened to harm my family and said he'd pay someone to leave me in a wheelchair eating through a straw.

I was absolutely broken when I met him, I'm beyond that now. I feel so suicidal. I just can't find a way out. I am genuinely terrified of the bloke and what he is capable of.

He has been drinking tonight (I don't drink) he's again gone off on one, he's the victim and he's now said he's going to the train station to end his life.

I have never felt so low in all my life. I met me ex at 19 there was an age gap, over the years he hit me and left me unable to look at myself in the mirror because of cruel remarks being called all the names under the sun, I literally hated the sight of myself. I honestly thought I'd met a good one and wanted to take it slow which we were and I managed to open up to him, he helped me with my insecurities, I genuinely thought he cared and loved me.

I'm to scared to go to the police because I have no proof and I genuinely think he'll kill me if I do. I'm scared for my life.

Due to withdrawing I started missing work, making mistakes so to top it off I've also lost my job.

I just can't take anymore. I am so weak I've got no fight left in me.

He's 33 I'm 35.

He's using the idea of killing himself to emotionally manipulate you and control you. If he follows through with that then it will have been through absolutely no fault of yours. You are not responsible for the welfare of a grown adult man.

Op you need to get out somewhere safe, if you can make it to a non mutual friend or family member. You bring your important identity documents, charger, some money and some clothes. You ring womens aid and you tell them what's been happening and that you're not safe. They will get you into refuge accommodation and he won't know where you are. They will help you go to the police and help advocate for you to tell what's been happening. They will support you at any court dates or interviews. They will help you with housing and money and work etc and staff and the other women there will support you emotionally to process all that he's put you through. When you get set up somewhere new and safe, they will liaise with the police to get your new address red flagged for rapid response. They will arrange for all your belongings to be safely removed from your home and stored until you get a new place. If you want to stay in your own home when the dust has settled, they will set up security measures there incase he turns up but op I do think that given all the threats he's made and his actions to date, you need to be in refuge at least for now where he doesn't know where you are. I don't want to scare you, but the police consider abusers who are suicidal as potentially homicidal so they will take this very seriously. Refuge is daunting for a lot of women but I've been in them and they're warm, welcoming, supportive and you do make a great support network with other women who are going through similar and who really do 'get it'.

The police will believe you, womens aid will believe you, you deserve to be free of this, you did nothing to deserve this treatment and while I understand that its hard because there's probably good memories you have with him, you are not safe with him and he is choosing to harm you just because he can. This isn't what love looks or feels like and it's important that you are safe.

Even if you just need to walk out the door right now and go to a friends, just do it. You can think it all through and make a plan later, the main thing is to get yourself to physical safety and then contact womens aid.

Do you think he's the type that will kick off if you are with your family?

You have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed, and your family won't think anything negative about you being in this position. These things can happen to anyone. How were you to know what he's like before he manipulated you into staying with him by threatening suicide?

go to nearest police station, they will keep you safe for now and things can be put in place, you honestly need help, if you can’t face a police station go to a hotel, drive to nearest town or city, just please GO

OK so you have a car. Get into the car and drive away. Go to your local police station or the main one in your town. Park at the police station. Go inside and speak to them. Don't go anywhere else until you have told the police everything you've said here. Do it now. And take advice. Everyone here is trying to help. Maybe because some or most of us have been where you are now and know how this will keep happening.

Please update so we know you’re safe, get in your car and drive, that’s the first step

Also op if the idea of telling someone like the police what's happening is too much- you've already written it down here. You don't even need to say the words you can just show them what you've written to us on your phone. The police is probably the best place to be and they'll have specially trained domestic abuse officers who will be able to support you. Some police stations even have womens aid workers attached to them now to support women who are arriving in a really stressful moment. You're so strong, you've been through so much so we know you're strong. You can do this.

Please ,leave.immediately,as you dont feel safe at own house you can check into a hotel ANYWHERE. dont worry bout £s for a night.
DO IT.
NOW.please.
DO NOT even respond(screenshot if want) to ANY of hims messages.
You deserve not to live like this. try do breath in and outs for calming.ONce you are outta house/range,call womans aid.they are there for exactly this.x

Please just go now, as in RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE.

Do not go to your place if he could go there looking for you. Just drive, drive till you find a police station, any police station. I wouldn't even bother packing anything, take your handbag, purse, phone and go but do it now.
He Will end up killing you before he kills himself if you don't go right now. Please please please please xxxxxx

OP - I've been in a similar situation, and have come through the other side. Please call the police and Women's Aid right now if it's safe to do so. But the most important thing is to leave - pack a bag of the essentials and get out right now. Your life is in danger. Abusers like this don't change, and will only get worse.

Do not ignore the above advice about calling the police.

Get in your car right now. And just drive.

Drive in the opposite direction to where he is.

Get to the nearest hotel that has availability. Google the nearest ones and phone them. Most will have 24hr reception.

When you are safe call 999. Report his abuse and that he has gone down to the train tracks.

Where are you?

I am East/West Mids border. You dont have to be alone.

But I agree that calling the police and your family is what you need to do now. He is playing on your fear, so call the police and tell them that he is planning on killing himself and where he has gone. then tell them the rest. All he needs is to be called out once, he wont bully you again once he realises that he has no control. HE is a coward, and you ARE NOT.

YOU ARE STRONG

If you want someone to call for you, I will PM my number if you want to get in touch, let me know.

What a PP said about not worrying what friends & family think. People who care, first & foremost, they want you to be okay. None of us can foresee the future and there are many good reasons to miss or ignore signs, it's why these things happen. There's time to reflect on it all later, now you just need to be somewhere safe

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are strong, brave and worthy of a happy and loving relationship so please don’t let him make you think otherwise. Pack the essentials and then sleep in your car if you have to but definitely get out while you can and go to the police. And call women’s aid, they can help.

You need to go to the police. Nothing else will stop this. This creature needs to be in prison. It is staggering to read.

Just show the thread and your injuries and what you do have in your phone. It’s enough. You could possibly contact him while with police and he’ll ‘perform’ his abuse unwittingly for them.

Then go to your family. The only one who should feel shame is him. He is evil.

You need out of there OP. You deserve happiness - not to be with this abusive, highly dangerous man. The police can help you, as with women's aid. I second all the great advice you've had here. Please please be safe OP, away from this life

Also, if my friend or family member turned up at my house and told me this, all I would want to do would be to provide comfort, help and safety. I'd sooner know and help than to think of them in your situation for one moment

Police are well trained in this these days

Call them

They will help

He's clearly very good at manipulating you

You have to break the cycle

Call the police

There is help out there

Please, I beg you, leave this man. This man could be my ex.

Abusers are like sharks. Sharks smell blood in the water, and abusers know instinctively who is vulnerable.

Call the police on the emergency number, you aren’t safe. You absolutely will be believed and all police forces have specialist DV officers and/or DV suites. You’ll also be given support and they will liaise with Women’s Aid to find you a safe place.

If you own your home, you may have to sell it. If you rent, the Woman’s Aid will help you with breaking your lease and finding somewhere new.

It's really hard to break away, but you are worth so much more than this man and this life.

You need to take time out to heal and again, you will get help to access therapy. And to find a new job as well.

You can message me anytime 💐

Drive to the police station, the bastard can follow you there if he wants & explain his abusive behaviour to them.

I'm a bitch so I'd be forwarding all his messages to his friends/family and police. I'd get the locksmith in and change the locks, the bastard can bleed outside.

Where are you based? Im Merseyside/Cheshire way I can help in anyway?

So much support for you OP, please contact the police and women's aid

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/