My partner is abusive. I don't know how to get out

[Everythingwillbeokeventually44]

Met him in January, he seemed lovely. Prior to meeting him I'd left an abusive marriage. I was rock bottom and trying so hard to rebuild myself and my life.

Started dating this guy in June, he wanted more than I did, I tried to end it and he said he'd kill himself if I ended it. Stupidly I panicked and went to him.

Between now and then when I've stayed at his and he's turned nasty I've wanted to leave he's literally blocked my way. Another time he told me to get the fuck out, he was throwing my belongings down the stairs when I tried to get them and go he grabbed a knife and slit his wrist, he took my phone so I couldn't call for help and basically forced me to watch him bleed until he passed out.

He's slashed all 4 tyres on my car before and kicked off my wing mirrors. He's driven at me in his car whilst I've been in my car.

He's bit my face leaving scars. It was a deep vicious bite. He has kicked me off my feet jarring my back and fracturing my elbow.

He manipulates everything always making himself out to be the victim and he truly believes he is. I'm not allowed to defend myself in anyway or answer back when he's ranting at me.

He's threatened to harm my family and said he'd pay someone to leave me in a wheelchair eating through a straw.

I was absolutely broken when I met him, I'm beyond that now. I feel so suicidal. I just can't find a way out. I am genuinely terrified of the bloke and what he is capable of.

He has been drinking tonight (I don't drink) he's again gone off on one, he's the victim and he's now said he's going to the train station to end his life.

I have never felt so low in all my life. I met me ex at 19 there was an age gap, over the years he hit me and left me unable to look at myself in the mirror because of cruel remarks being called all the names under the sun, I literally hated the sight of myself. I honestly thought I'd met a good one and wanted to take it slow which we were and I managed to open up to him, he helped me with my insecurities, I genuinely thought he cared and loved me.

I'm to scared to go to the police because I have no proof and I genuinely think he'll kill me if I do. I'm scared for my life.

Due to withdrawing I started missing work, making mistakes so to top it off I've also lost my job.

I just can't take anymore. I am so weak I've got no fight left in me.

The police will believe you. Remember they are used to this. They have heard it all before so will know the things these people say like threatening suicide etc. If he dies by suicide...which he probably won't.. it is in no way your fault.
Trust the police...they will help you.

Drive to the nearest police station. They will help you tonight. They will help you make a plan. You will have a place to stay.

just get out. Now. While he’s not there.

been there, op.

Hope you are out and safe.

As well as echoing all the great advice. I would suggest your screen shot any more messages and email them to yourself.

But you don’t need evidence to leave and stay safely with family and they would hopefully support and protect you. It may be embarrassing to start with but that will fade very quickly and if it was the other way around, I’m sure you would help them.

If he harms himself that is his fault. No one makes any adult do anything, he is choosing to be abusive, controlling etc and you must choose to walk away from that. Even if he chooses to kill himself that is 100% on him. It sounds like he needs some sort of help and hopefully by speaking with police they will know how to start that.

Please leave now while you can. You are very brave just to have typed this. I second the suggestion of showing your post to the police. Women's Aid will help you, too. Please get out now. You deserve to be safe and happy. All his suicide threats are manipulative and abusive, don't give it a second thought.

OP are you OK? Have you got in your car and driven away? Please let us know that you have and are safe? You can see just from the reaction here that there are lots of people who would be willing to support you, but first you MUST get away from where you've been living with him. I hope that you've already done it?

Please leave now. Go to a family or friend. Call the police.

Op please don't feel ashamed... everyone will believe you! Get out and get help.

How are you?

Are you safe and well? Did you escape?

We're all rooting for you.

You have got out before … you can do this again .. take your phone with you ..

what he does to himself is on him …

there is a better future for you .

I am ok. He came back, didn't argue and went to bed.

Going to read replies now.

leave This is not going to change.
did you seek medical attention for your injuries? This can be used in evidence if you don’t have photos of the injuries you have sustained.

go to the police he will be arrested and likely bailed with conditions not to contact you/ not to go within a certain distance of your home. Or possibly remanded if he has a history of domestic abuse.

ask for a Claire’s law disclosure, it’s likely he has done this before.
get the support of a DA charity, police can refer you.

please please look after yourself

OP you poor thing. This man is scum. He's using and controlling you. Please take heed of the brilliant experience on this thread. Police. Women's Aid. Refuge. Thinking of you and wishing you strength. We're all here with you.

Thank you so much for all of the replies and advice.

He came back quite unexpectedly because his battery had died. He could tell I'd been upset, which I was after typing out the post, having the realisation of the situation in black & white infront of me. He just said let's go to bed and he was asleep within 15 minutes.

We have been out before with his family and he's turned, told me to get my stuff from his and go which I did, he said the relationship was over. Relieved I went to my parents and just said we'd had an argument. I had all of my belongings in my car. Once he got back and realised my stuff had gone and I'd left my key he was furious and drove drunk to my parents, he sat outside with his hand on his horn demanding I went out to him. Which I did end up doing 😞 I should have called the police but I was scared and panicked.

He has absolutely no fear of the police whatsoever which makes the situation more scary.

He is ex army and often reminds me he's a trained killer. He'll often say he's the craziest mother fucker I'll ever meet. I know this now to be true.

People in his home village are scared of him. We've been there a few times now and people will pass comment on him and stuff he's done in the past. One man asked if I lived locally, I said no, he replied that's why you ended up with him then because you didn't know him. He ends up fighting there every time he goes out there, yet no one has ever called the police. I genuinely think people are too scared.

After a drink he's like a ticking time bomb. When sober he's a full on manipulator who'll twist & blame and always be the victim.

I am definitely contacting women's aid. I cannot do this alone.

The tenancy on my place is up soon, rather than extend I am going to find somewhere else and keep it completely to myself and try and get out but that is going to be difficult with no job and having a probation period with a new one.
Everything is such a mess.

I am from Staffordshire

Please get out of this situation OP. There is always a way out. Do you have a family member that you can get to today?
Or walk into a police station and explain what is happening and that you need help.

The support here is incredible, thank you so so much.

Thank God you don't own your house, that'll make things easier. Please do consider refuge as an interim option, you'll have more protection. Your things can go into storage in the meantime.

Re your earlier post, do you still have your old phone even if it's broken? There's a good chance police will be able to recover the data if you report to them. Plus the phone itself is evidence & proof.

Make sure you turn family tracking off on your phone.
you can do this.

I really don’t like to think of you trying to survive this relationship for a few more weeks yet. I want you to report the fucker and get out. Please can you confide in your family? They must have an inkling after his drunk driving, horn blaring performance.

He’s hurt you do much, and sounds so completely unhinged, I’m worried.

One of my closest friends was stabbed and killed by her 'partner' earlier this year. Don't become her. Please, please let the police deal with him. He might not be frightened of them, but I doubt he'd enjoy prison.

I do still have my old phone yes.

My family are aware something hasn't been right but I've shamefully lied through my teeth. I've told them he no longer drinks and things are fine.

I feel so much pain and disappointment every morning when I open my eyes.

@Toooldtoworry so so sorry to read this 😔

The next time he leaves the house you must go. If he doesn't leave, you say you are going to the shop, or whatever, and leave with your handbag, and nothing to raise any suspicions. Go straight to the police. Please don't ignore the excellent advice given by PP. He's not going to kill himself but he might kill you.

Please, please OP don't wait, just get a bag packed and get out to a police station at your first opportunity. Don't wait for your tenancy to be up! He could kill you before then, he's a psycho.

Leave ASAP don't tell him
Use your married name or change your name and move away. Also call the police and record everything.
Shame he won't kill himself as its manipulation. He is pure evil.