My partner is abusive. I don't know how to get out

[Everythingwillbeokeventually44]

Met him in January, he seemed lovely. Prior to meeting him I'd left an abusive marriage. I was rock bottom and trying so hard to rebuild myself and my life.

Started dating this guy in June, he wanted more than I did, I tried to end it and he said he'd kill himself if I ended it. Stupidly I panicked and went to him.

Between now and then when I've stayed at his and he's turned nasty I've wanted to leave he's literally blocked my way. Another time he told me to get the fuck out, he was throwing my belongings down the stairs when I tried to get them and go he grabbed a knife and slit his wrist, he took my phone so I couldn't call for help and basically forced me to watch him bleed until he passed out.

He's slashed all 4 tyres on my car before and kicked off my wing mirrors. He's driven at me in his car whilst I've been in my car.

He's bit my face leaving scars. It was a deep vicious bite. He has kicked me off my feet jarring my back and fracturing my elbow.

He manipulates everything always making himself out to be the victim and he truly believes he is. I'm not allowed to defend myself in anyway or answer back when he's ranting at me.

He's threatened to harm my family and said he'd pay someone to leave me in a wheelchair eating through a straw.

I was absolutely broken when I met him, I'm beyond that now. I feel so suicidal. I just can't find a way out. I am genuinely terrified of the bloke and what he is capable of.

He has been drinking tonight (I don't drink) he's again gone off on one, he's the victim and he's now said he's going to the train station to end his life.

I have never felt so low in all my life. I met me ex at 19 there was an age gap, over the years he hit me and left me unable to look at myself in the mirror because of cruel remarks being called all the names under the sun, I literally hated the sight of myself. I honestly thought I'd met a good one and wanted to take it slow which we were and I managed to open up to him, he helped me with my insecurities, I genuinely thought he cared and loved me.

I'm to scared to go to the police because I have no proof and I genuinely think he'll kill me if I do. I'm scared for my life.

Due to withdrawing I started missing work, making mistakes so to top it off I've also lost my job.

I just can't take anymore. I am so weak I've got no fight left in me.

Your family will be relieved to know the truth than run the risk of anything bad happening to you (in addition to what has already happened of course).

You'll need to be brave now, but you have to do whatever it takes to get away - that means police, women's aid, stay with family in the meantime, use available funds to go elsewhere. Cut all contact whatsoever. Keep all evidence you can and don't be put off by feeling like you won't be believed. Nothing can be achieved by putting this off. Best of luck to you, OP.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It must be terrifying but you must extract yourself (safely) as soon as humanly possible as it’s only going to get worse. First things first contact women’s aid, or a more local domestic abuse charity, so you have support. In my honest opinion this situation requires a refuge if you have no friends or family whose address he doesn’t know so please be prepared for that suggestion. It is hard to walk away from your life at least temporarily but it’s no harder than being in the relationship and only one of those options threatens your life.
Once you’re in a place of safety you should absolutely report this to the police. You do have evidence on your phone by the sounds of it so don’t worry about this. I would also be INCREDIBLY surprised if he doesn’t have a string of previously abusive relationships on his record. They can seek a non molestation order which if he keeps breaching could result in him being incarcerated which would give you time to change your accommodation. If you’re not ready for a refuge the police can also assist in keeping you safe. Personally I’d stay with family and ask the police to put a flag on your address so if anyone calls then they come out immediately.
Once you’re in a place of safety i’d also get a new phone number and change your social media accounts so he can’t find you they way.

Go and stay with family today and call the police and women's aid. This can't go on. If he kills himself it is not your fault or problem (he won't).

That man is not going to kill himself
He's having to much fun ruining your life ,he's loving the control he's got over you.
Tell your family
End the contract on your home
Gather evidence and report to police
Contact woman's aid ,with any luck they could place u in a refugee miles away ,and you could have a fresh start.
Pack your stuff in your car and get out of your house ,just return the keys to the landlord and drive ,ringing woman's aid when u get somewhere safe

Are Boots still running that scheme where you can go and report Domestic Violence and they will help you with contacting Women’s Aid and the Police?
People talk about getting your ducks in a row and leaving safely. But OP, I’m not sure you have time for that. You need to talk to the Police today. I do think this might be a situation where a refuge is necessary.

Please come back on here and tell us you are safe

Im so sorry you are going through this and I can only imagine the pain and fear after surviving a previous abusive relationship. As other posters have said, this is not your fault. Abusers know when people are vulnerable and they prey on them and that is what has happened to you.

Please consider leaving now if he is asleep. Just get the basics- phone, charger, purse, any prescribed medication and go. I know it is frightening but the longer you stay the higher the risk he will harm you even more than he has done.

If you stay then you need to get an emergency kit together somewhere he can’t find it and not at your house if you think he will look for you there if you leave. Do it a bit at a time. A few spare clothes, some cash, any medication you need, important documents if possible.

Talk to Women’s Aid and your GP- they can help too and document what’s happening in your medical records. Screen shot every message he sends you. Go to the Police if you can.

You are stronger than you know. I know you’re frightened and trampled down by him but you can do this. You are a survivor.

OP I'm very sorry that this has happened to you and it is horrific what this person is putting you through. If your home is currently not a safe place I would urge you to immediately go to stay with family or friends, even just temporarily but you need a safe place that you can go to for support let people know what is happening and call Womens Aid for advice. Do this today OP because this guy sounds completely unhinged and capable of anything. All that matters now is getting out of this situation before it's too late. And also please do not take ANY responsibility for his words and actions. He won't kill himself his only intention is to manipulate you into staying where he can control you by making these threats. Even if he has cut himself in front of you none of this is on you at all he is a dangerous person. Please find your strength to get out of this and somewhere safe today 🙏 you are not alone.

definitely need to get the police involved here. it looks like you need an escape to keep yourself safe

OP, he won't kill himself. They never do.

My ex abuser did exactly the same (threatening to kill himself), when I pulled away from him. It was to lure me back in.

The police checked on him, he was absolutely fine.

This was 15 years ago. I am now with a lovely man, who is my husband, and we have beautiful children.

In hindsight I regret ever asking the police to do a welfare check on him.

I regret every second I ever wasted on this waste of space.

And he is unlikely to kill himself. He is using threats of suicide or self harm to control you (“look what you made me do”)

Some people are mentally ill and harm themselves. Often their view of a situation is distorted by their illness. These people can be treated.

Some people use threats or acts of self harm to control and punish others. They are not mentally ill and usually have no intention of ending their lives. It is an ultimate act of manipulation. Unfortunately some people complete suicide inadvertently when they do these things or they harm themselves impulsively. They can be helped but only through accepting responsibility for themselves and recognising their behaviour and choosing to change.

There is a world of difference between the 2 groups and he is the latter. You cannot save him from himself. Only he can do that and he has to choose to do it. Don’t let him tell you it’s your fault or that he can’t live without you. That’s not true. Only he has the power to fix himself.

OP this is going to get worse if you don't go...please leave today and get yourself to safety whether it be friends/family a hotel etc. This man is dangerous and as others have said he is loving the fact that he is manipulating you. He will not kill himself it's his way of trying to guilt trip you into staying.(I've been there myself with an abusive partner) get as much essential stuff in a bag as possible, pack your car up and get as far away from him as you can. Once your in a place of safety contact the police and womens aid they will help you. Please keep checking in with us when it's safe to do so so that we know your ok. Best of luck Op xx

As others have said, you need to get out of there! I very much doubt he'll kill himself but he could very well kill you! It honestly does sound like your life is in danger.
He needs to be off the streets and behind bars. Please involve the police and women's aid.

Tell your family today op and let them help you

You need to gang up on this pathetic excuse of a man

There's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about

I would call women's aid and consider a refuge.

You might want to put your home on air bnb for funds in the meantime.

Please don't be ashamed it's not your fault

Refuge would take you. Ring Womens Aid and get out.

Hello, so sorry you are in this situation. Its not your fault, and things will get better.
Refuge helpline is 24 hours a day, call 0808 2000 247. Also the wonens centre are amazing, bu helpline in 9-1 mon to Fri 01208 77099.
You will be believed and they will make you safe. Nobody will force you to do anything you dont want too, i promise. It's usual in these situations to feel like it's not that bad at moments and very bad the next, this is part of a power and control cycle, so trust yourself. Writing out this post and seeking help is huge. We'll done.
Remember to delete your search and call history to keep safe. The above charities will help with safety planning too.
Sending you love and luck for a happy life. You've got this xx

My cousins former husband was ex army too. He almost killed her. It’s down to sheer luck that he didn’t.

It’s a horrible situation to be in. He is a truly fucked up human being.

I think the safest thing would be to go to a relative or friend he doesn’t know and lie low for a while. You can speak to the police from there.

But if you stay he will either kill or seriously injure you. Please leave and soon!

Go to the police/parents/refuge/friend's house. Check your phone in case there are any tracking apps on there. If you leave today and he sends you any messages, take screenshots and email them to yourself/your friend/your parents before he can delete things.

Check that you aren't logged in on any other devices or that your phone isn't synced to any other devices (my friend's iPhone was synced to her iPad and her ex was able to block all of her friend's numbers and Facebook messages etc so that she didn't get any of our messages or calls which he then used as "proof" to that we weren't her real friends and didn't care about her. He could also see her emails and confirmation details of the hotel reservation she made to leave him).

Get out now. Don't wait to get your ducks in a row, just go now. Once you have left, then take a breath. Don't renew the tenancy on a remote location. Think about where you want to go next. Plan for a new job and new home and new life once you are somewhere safe. Good luck OP 🍀

Let him kill himself, seems to solve the problem, no?

He won't kill himself. Chances are he will kill you though.
You need to get yourself out of danger now.

Pack a bag, leave and call the police or turn up at a police station and tell them everything. They will work to ensure you are safe and to find somewhere for you. As others have said contact Women's Aid. If not go to a friend or family member or hotel. Turn location etc. off your phone also just in case. You can do this it is just taking the first step that is the scariest.

Please please tell friends and family what's he doing. They won't judge you. You need to be safe.

He won't kill his leg he so7 DS too selfish for that, he just likes the power.

What a horror. You can be free, please tell someone today what is happening