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Original poster

Completely Joint finances - weird or normal?

255 replies

WoodworkingDad · 27/10/2023 22:54

Chatting at work recently I have discovered that sharing finances completely even when married puts me in the minority of.... well just me and DW!!!

I work full time and earn £50k wife works part time and earns from two jobs about £15k. We have two daughters 4 and 1 years old.

When we were married and both working FT we opened a joint account and paid similar amounts in for mortgage and household bills (excluding food and fuel) I think I paid slightly more as I earned more.

After number 1 child came along and wife went went back to work PT after MAT leave it became far too complicated to work out financially every month. With the drop in income, nursary fees and us getting paid at different points in the month I suggested having a joint spending account. So now we get paid into our own accounts, I then fund the old joint account for bills and pay remaining money into separate joint (spending) account. Wife pays all wages into same joint spending account so we know exactly how much joint money we have. We effectively don't have private money (own accounts left with £1 in each month). All savings/investments are now pooled for tax purposes. To be fair I manage all our money as DW has zero interest, I know it's not ideal but that's how it is, she however has access and passwords to view and manage all accounts if needed.

Does anyone else completely share all finances with there partner? Or are we genuinely weird? It seems no one else I work with really trusts there OH!!!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 28/10/2023 00:03

We have a joint account, wages go in, we also have joint savings pots, accounts for different things etc, but then also a personal account each, we both get the same disposable/fun money each month which we can save, spend do as we please with.
How do you buy presents or surprise each other if it all comes out of one joint account?
DHs 40th is coming up and he has no idea what I've planned or bought because it was paid for from my personal account. I took him on a city break for our last wedding anniversary and he didn't know until two weeks before when I told him, it had been booked and paid for for months

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:03

mincepieandcustard · 27/10/2023 23:34

I've always found it strange when couples don't do joint finances. Especially when there's a big disparity in wages when (usually) mum earns a lot less due to being primary cater to kids and working part time.

After DH and I had lived together 6 months and were engaged to be married, we opened a joint account. Both of our wages go into the joint account. All bills and any activity we do together comes out of the joint account. We also have our own private accounts, every month we each have £250 into our private accounts to spend on whatever we like. We used to just spend it out of the joint account but we found we were getting annoyed at each other , I'd spend a lot each month meeting friends for coffee, buying random stuff I wanted, he'd blow over £100 on a night out with his mates. Now we have £250 each we have the same disposable income and it's up to us if we want to spend/save it.

But that makes far more sense as you still have your own private money.

MeinKraft · 28/10/2023 00:04

HaveALaff · 27/10/2023 23:38

I'm Muslim so I share my husband's money but I keep my own. He pays the bills, mortgage ect

I have access to his account but he doesn't access mine. It's not secretive or anything though. I generally pay for all the fun/optional things like meals out, holidays, home upgrades.

We both earn roughly the same amount.

Ok this sounds like the ideal set up 😆

BMrs · 28/10/2023 00:04

Yep all goes into one joint acct here. DH earns far more than I do, it doesn't matter we are a team. We each have personal accts too but transfer the same spends each month so all split equally

Fawbs89 · 28/10/2023 00:04

I'm not married and don't have any kids but myself and my partner have been together for 12 years. We have a joint account where our salaries are paid and everything is joint. His money is mine and vice versa. No arguments it's just 'our' money.

mincepieandcustard · 28/10/2023 00:08

@Tbry yes we think it's fair and we do it because we both believe that we're a team and part of that means having the same disposable income, hence why we pool everything and then both have the same amount going into our individual accounts. It's when couples have different disposable incomes I don't understand how that's being an equal part of a team/couple?
When we started doing it I earned about £5k a year more than DH, he now earns about £10k m

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:09

Dramatic · 27/10/2023 23:43

I'm a SAHM and my DH is the sole earner. We don't have a joint account. I pay some small bills and he pays the majority. He transfers me a set amount each month for stuff like food, petrol, kids clubs, general daily costs (he works away) and I'll ask him for more if needed. He definitely has a lot more disposable income than me and really does control the finances.

That’s very very controlling for you and your children. I’m sure that means at times you have to go without. I have lived that life (but worse) in the past and it’s very unfair.

mincepieandcustard · 28/10/2023 00:09

Posted to soon...

£10k more than me, but we have both always believed we should have equal to spend on ourselves

LocalHobo · 28/10/2023 00:11

Married over 30 years, all earnings go into one joint account.
Same here, and of five couples I know very well, all married in the early 90's, the only couple now divorced are the only ones who didn't pool their financial resources.
Regarding surprise presents; should one of us see the other has made a payment of £1000 how would we know if it was to repair the car or book a weekend break for the other's birthday?

Lizzieregina · 28/10/2023 00:11

We’ve always had joint finances. When we were equal financial earners, DH’s wages went into the bills account and mine went into the savings account.

Now that he makes 7/8 times as much as me, his pay goes into the current account and I move it around from there. All bills get paid from there and then we have savings accounts for big bills (house taxes and insurance), travel fund, every day savings and money to go to retirement savings.

We also each have retirement accounts separately (funded equally) and a joint brokerage account.

in theory DH has full access to all of these accounts, but in reality he doesn’t even know where the bank is! I am the financial manager. 37 years.

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:12

TheaBrandt · 27/10/2023 23:57

Cant imagine being married to someone I didn’t trust. The “running away fund” thing sounds absolutely mental to me - like you are in a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel or something.

For some people without that little lifesaver, however small the amount, the abuse and violence you suffer is appalling. All relationships start off nice but sadly many change very rapidly into a nightmare. You are very lucky if you have not had to live like that.

mincepieandcustard · 28/10/2023 00:13

LocalHobo · 28/10/2023 00:11

Married over 30 years, all earnings go into one joint account.
Same here, and of five couples I know very well, all married in the early 90's, the only couple now divorced are the only ones who didn't pool their financial resources.
Regarding surprise presents; should one of us see the other has made a payment of £1000 how would we know if it was to repair the car or book a weekend break for the other's birthday?

Because unless it's taken out in cash you can see on the bank statement where it's been paid to, and when it was spent 🤷‍♀️

TeenLifeMum · 28/10/2023 00:13

All money earned is family money. Just because our employers value us differently, we value each other equally.

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:14

MeinKraft · 28/10/2023 00:04

Ok this sounds like the ideal set up 😆

Show quote history

I thought the same 😂😂😂

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:17

mincepieandcustard · 28/10/2023 00:08

@Tbry yes we think it's fair and we do it because we both believe that we're a team and part of that means having the same disposable income, hence why we pool everything and then both have the same amount going into our individual accounts. It's when couples have different disposable incomes I don't understand how that's being an equal part of a team/couple?
When we started doing it I earned about £5k a year more than DH, he now earns about £10k m

But it’s the imagining the joint account without the separate private accounts that I can’t fathom. Just one account for everything and nothing private! Blows my mind tbh. I could NEVER live like that.

momtoboys · 28/10/2023 00:18

We are completely shared. Have been for 26 years.

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:18

LocalHobo · 28/10/2023 00:11

Married over 30 years, all earnings go into one joint account.
Same here, and of five couples I know very well, all married in the early 90's, the only couple now divorced are the only ones who didn't pool their financial resources.
Regarding surprise presents; should one of us see the other has made a payment of £1000 how would we know if it was to repair the car or book a weekend break for the other's birthday?

The bank statement would list what it was for? All my presents for my partner etc come out of my own private account as it’s a gift from me from my money.

Tbry · 28/10/2023 00:20

mincepieandcustard · 28/10/2023 00:13

Because unless it's taken out in cash you can see on the bank statement where it's been paid to, and when it was spent 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Exactly….this thread is completely blowing my mind! My way of living and thinking is so completely different to this. I have no idea how my partner ever got me to even agree to a joint mortgage 😂

Womencanlift · 28/10/2023 00:22

Joint account for household bills but salary gets paid into personal account and I will never change that.

To me it’s a red flag if my partner insisted on one account for everything. I had an ex who started to move towards saying that everything had to be shared, it was one of the reasons I ended it. As a pp it shows a lack of trust

I have worked with too many financial advisors in my career to know they always say people, especially women, should hold on to financial independence as much as possible

Onelifeonly · 28/10/2023 00:24

Joint bank account, joint savings account and joint credit cards. We do have separate ISAs and he has his own credit card for his company. We've always shared our money. I'm the one who checks on them all - he's not bothered.

Spencer0220 · 28/10/2023 00:25

Totally separate finances. Nothing joint whatsoever.

DH earns, whilst I'm on benefits for disability.

We won't ever share, so that he doesn't have to pay for any care I require. He knew the situation before we married.

That said, he pays all bills. Out of my benefits I pay groceries and any shopping we need.

Works perfectly for us.

BashfulClam · 28/10/2023 00:27

i’s say have your own accounts as well, when my dad died my parents joint account was frozen for over 6 weeks. My mum had absolutely no access to it. She luckily had her own account as well to pay for things. If, god forbid, something happens to one of you, the other may be stuck.

Malarandras · 28/10/2023 00:29

I can’t speak for others, but as someone who experienced coercive control and financial abuse I can state I will never, ever have a joint bank account with anyone ever again. I can only advise others to think extremely carefully before they make any decisions on this matter.

Whoknowswhatanymore · 28/10/2023 00:32

Been together many years and from the start always had one bank account and money has been “ours” regardless of who earns what and any additional income. Completely works for us and we still buy what we want without the other questioning or complaining. It’s a joint relationship and we completely trust each other to manage our finances jointly. Everyone is different though, and what works for one doesn’t always work for another: no-one should judge. Just do what is right for your circumstances.

Onabench · 28/10/2023 00:35

Al in 1 pot here. Me and OH are not spenders. We’ve had discrepancies in income but it hasn’t ever been discussed. Maybe if one of us had an expensive hobby it would be? But weren’t not bothered. We aren’t big earners. Pay day to pay day.

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