Page 3 | Completely Joint finances - weird or normal?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/10/2023 23:31

I don't think it's unusual at all: I'd say the majority of people who are married have completely or mainly joint finances.

I would never do it myself and in my (non married) relationship I'm the higher earner with a child who is not my partner's child so pooled income would be financially insane, but even if I was the lower earner I probably wouldn't.

I think as a general principle you should never become wholly reliant on, or intertwined with, another person in terms of money. It's just always a good idea to have something that's just yours.

Bedazzling · 27/10/2023 23:31

We do not have a joint account but we have access to each others accounts and have state of the nation money meetings. We have both dabbled with investments since before we met. There was no way I was running to DH or him to me to ask do you mind if I move X to Y. So it’s not distrust it’s about our own attitudes to investing. He is more of a risk taker and was looking at potential moves every day for years.

Fillybuster · 27/10/2023 23:32

Exactly the same as @BalletBob : one joint account, shared savings, mortgage, investments etc but total privacy on credit card spend, which for both of us is paid in full every month from our shared account. We have a handful of other accounts in our own names, which we occasionally use for travel or other purposes (for example, my starling account is quite good when abroad), but don’t really keep anything in them the rest of the time. Total trust and shared values, and we tend to discuss any big purchases.

BooBooBaloo · 27/10/2023 23:32

We pay into the joint account proportionally for all joint expenditure (including food etc) plus a bit more. The rest is in our own accounts

Original poster

WoodworkingDad · 27/10/2023 23:34

ArborealArdour · 27/10/2023 23:25

YABVVU and weird on two counts.
a) Assuming that people having their own accounts means 'not trusting' their partner.
b) Assuming that having private money means you don't pool everything.

DH and I switch current accounts to get the bonuses, each have ISA's (so we have a 40K total allowance). Have accounts in international currencies. Among other things.

We also never keep lots of money in a debit account as someone could swipe the lot if card stolen. All into savings and then dripfed in.

We pool our money and keep some for personal spends but it's all in various places.

That aside though if you're a regular on MN seeing the amount of people who can't believe what their once loving husband turned into I'd never advise people to have zero access to an account or some money of their own. Also, if there's an issue with fraud, and your joint is frozen , or cards declined that's both of you screwed. Unless you have a stockpile of cash sitting around somewhere.

Edited

It was a guess as to why they don't pool money? I genuinely didn't understand stand it hence wanting to ask a wide range of people, it seems some people are just keen to keep independence which I totally understand.

The second point you misunderstood, Or I wrote badly, we have old accounts in our own names which I still class as pooled money and understand others do this as well. Just anything new is jointly held as it's easier for both to access. Obviously investment ISAs are in individual names as well, I just meant generically pooled as opposed to you don't know what your partner has

OP posts:

mincepieandcustard · 27/10/2023 23:34

I've always found it strange when couples don't do joint finances. Especially when there's a big disparity in wages when (usually) mum earns a lot less due to being primary cater to kids and working part time.

After DH and I had lived together 6 months and were engaged to be married, we opened a joint account. Both of our wages go into the joint account. All bills and any activity we do together comes out of the joint account. We also have our own private accounts, every month we each have £250 into our private accounts to spend on whatever we like. We used to just spend it out of the joint account but we found we were getting annoyed at each other , I'd spend a lot each month meeting friends for coffee, buying random stuff I wanted, he'd blow over £100 on a night out with his mates. Now we have £250 each we have the same disposable income and it's up to us if we want to spend/save it.

TheaBrandt · 27/10/2023 23:34

I think it’s weird not to share if you are married. If you die or divorce it will all be shared anyway irregardless so the division is pretty pointless anyway. Fair enough if you’re not married.

ActDottie · 27/10/2023 23:35

We completely share all money just one account that all money goes into. Some savings accounts are just in my name but that’s because they’re ISAs.

Im a bit like you in that my husband has access to all the accounts etc. but I’m a lot more invested in moving money around/getting the best deal and just checking we have enough in the account for bills.

olderbutwiser · 27/10/2023 23:36

Wages into joint account, equal monthly spends from that to our personal accounts. This was a dealbreaker for me, XDH was financially controlling. I was by far the higher earner when we set this up.

i manage the money - DH is nervous with spending and knows if he was in charge nothing nice would ever happen.

HaveALaff · 27/10/2023 23:38

I'm Muslim so I share my husband's money but I keep my own. He pays the bills, mortgage ect

I have access to his account but he doesn't access mine. It's not secretive or anything though. I generally pay for all the fun/optional things like meals out, holidays, home upgrades.

We both earn roughly the same amount.

2chocolateoranges · 27/10/2023 23:39

Since we got engaged (many moons ago) we have had 2 joint accounts. One that dh’s wages goes into which pays all the bills with plenty left over and another which my wages go into which pays for holidays, spending money, treats, dinners out etc.

we both earn roughly the same now, however that hasn’t always been the case as I stayed at home with our babies and only worked part time.

we do both have our own accounts used for savings however we do class it as both our money but they are isas so can only be in one name.

Nutellaonall · 27/10/2023 23:39

Everything joint for us. I do have a personal account my wages go into that I had before we met but a standing order is set up to put most of it straight into the joint account. Professional fees insurance come out of that account too and I to use for presents for DH and also sending money owed to friends for things like tickets for things etc or payments for hobbies for the kids . This is mostly because of the ease of online banking for me. DH earns way more than me now but when we started out it was more equal. There were periods when I earned more albeit brief, when he was starting up his business. We have never seen it as anything other than family money since we were married. I can’t imagine it being any other way.

Dramatic · 27/10/2023 23:43

I'm a SAHM and my DH is the sole earner. We don't have a joint account. I pay some small bills and he pays the majority. He transfers me a set amount each month for stuff like food, petrol, kids clubs, general daily costs (he works away) and I'll ask him for more if needed. He definitely has a lot more disposable income than me and really does control the finances.

Tbry · 27/10/2023 23:47

You should both also have your own accounts for money set aside as your money. Personally, as a female, I would say this is most important for your partner if she is the lower earner at present. I have a joint mortgage with my partner we have an account for the bills, which I manage but partner could if he choose too and then we have our own separate accounts and savings accounts. I’d never go joint everything…..joint mortgage took me years to feel ok about.

Hedgehogtunnel · 27/10/2023 23:47

Sounds ideal to me. I'm not married, but I'd expect to share completely (perhaps everything pooled then an equal amount each for random, extra spending too) if I were living with my partner or married.

mincepieandcustard · 27/10/2023 23:47

Dramatic · 27/10/2023 23:43

I'm a SAHM and my DH is the sole earner. We don't have a joint account. I pay some small bills and he pays the majority. He transfers me a set amount each month for stuff like food, petrol, kids clubs, general daily costs (he works away) and I'll ask him for more if needed. He definitely has a lot more disposable income than me and really does control the finances.

Genuinely interested, how does that make for a fair relationship that he has so much more disposable income?
I assume it was a joint decision that you would be sahm and he'd be the financial provider, so why don't you have access to that? Surely you're a team?
Really not a dig, I just don't understand why you'd accept that?

Tbry · 27/10/2023 23:50

TheSugarcubes · 27/10/2023 23:08

We have a joint current account and a joint savings account and no other accounts. I think it odd to have separate finances when you are married. It is a bit like always making your own meals and not the other person's or taking only your own laundry out of the basket or doing separate food shops.

We do all of those at times too 🤷‍♀️. Just because we have a mortgage and home together doesn’t mean I’m doing all the cooking, shopping and washing. Makes complete sense to do things separately.

Tbry · 27/10/2023 23:53

DramaAlpaca · 27/10/2023 23:19

Married over 30 years, all earnings go into one joint account.

I also have my own account which I've had since before we were married. I jokingly call it my 'running away fund'.

We should all have one of those. Can’t imagine or understand any relationship where you don’t and it’s all pooled. How vulnerable would someone end up being if your partner becomes an ex and takes it all.

I have the feeling I’m in the minority here though.

Redwinestillfine · 27/10/2023 23:57

We get paid into separate accounts, pay into joint account based percentage wise on salary and keep the rest in our own accounts. I manage the money but DH is happy to chip in more when I request it.

TheaBrandt · 27/10/2023 23:57

Cant imagine being married to someone I didn’t trust. The “running away fund” thing sounds absolutely mental to me - like you are in a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel or something.

Tbry · 27/10/2023 23:58

WoodworkingDad · 27/10/2023 22:54

Chatting at work recently I have discovered that sharing finances completely even when married puts me in the minority of.... well just me and DW!!!

I work full time and earn £50k wife works part time and earns from two jobs about £15k. We have two daughters 4 and 1 years old.

When we were married and both working FT we opened a joint account and paid similar amounts in for mortgage and household bills (excluding food and fuel) I think I paid slightly more as I earned more.

After number 1 child came along and wife went went back to work PT after MAT leave it became far too complicated to work out financially every month. With the drop in income, nursary fees and us getting paid at different points in the month I suggested having a joint spending account. So now we get paid into our own accounts, I then fund the old joint account for bills and pay remaining money into separate joint (spending) account. Wife pays all wages into same joint spending account so we know exactly how much joint money we have. We effectively don't have private money (own accounts left with £1 in each month). All savings/investments are now pooled for tax purposes. To be fair I manage all our money as DW has zero interest, I know it's not ideal but that's how it is, she however has access and passwords to view and manage all accounts if needed.

Does anyone else completely share all finances with there partner? Or are we genuinely weird? It seems no one else I work with really trusts there OH!!!

Thoughts?

Very interesting question. But no I have separate accounts to my partner. We have joint mortgage and an account for all the bills. Everything else separate. I’d never agree to anything else, I didn’t even want to live together initially and then was worried about a joint mortgage for about 5 years.

Not that I don’t trust but I did have trust issues caused before this relationship and I need to know I have my own money if the worst case scenario was to happen. So I can pack a suitcase and have money I can access for food and lodgings or if I really had to take my purse and car keys and leave without a suitcase even.

I used to have emergency belongings in car for myself and my child before I lived with my partner too, I think if you’ve been badly bitten before it never truly leaves you.

Cornishclio · 27/10/2023 23:59

We have a joint account in which all income and expenditure goes out of plus joint savings. We also have individual accounts and transfer the same amount into each monthly so we have access to private money. I think having children restricted my earning capacity due to me taking on all of the childcare arrangements. My husband was always ok with joint accounts and we have never fallen out over money. We have similar attitudes to it though.

Nevertouchakoala · 28/10/2023 00:01

We share all money. Completely joint.

DopeyS · 28/10/2023 00:01

Me and my husband have one joint account and everything goes into and out of it. He did have his own account when self employed but not anymore. I handle all the finances and sort savings and everything.

Husband isn't very good with money so he closed his account.

mn29 · 28/10/2023 00:01

Married over 20 years, all finances have always been completely shared - current account, savings etc. can’t imagine it being any other way. We currently earn similar amounts but there have been various points where one has earned a fair bit more than the other. I can’t imagine having things separate and not having a ‘what’s mine is yours’ mentality but we have very similar attitudes to lifestyle, priorities, spending and saving - maybe we would think differently if that was not the case but we’ve never even considered it.