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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Completely Joint finances - weird or normal?

255 replies

WoodworkingDad · 27/10/2023 22:54

Chatting at work recently I have discovered that sharing finances completely even when married puts me in the minority of.... well just me and DW!!!

I work full time and earn £50k wife works part time and earns from two jobs about £15k. We have two daughters 4 and 1 years old.

When we were married and both working FT we opened a joint account and paid similar amounts in for mortgage and household bills (excluding food and fuel) I think I paid slightly more as I earned more.

After number 1 child came along and wife went went back to work PT after MAT leave it became far too complicated to work out financially every month. With the drop in income, nursary fees and us getting paid at different points in the month I suggested having a joint spending account. So now we get paid into our own accounts, I then fund the old joint account for bills and pay remaining money into separate joint (spending) account. Wife pays all wages into same joint spending account so we know exactly how much joint money we have. We effectively don't have private money (own accounts left with £1 in each month). All savings/investments are now pooled for tax purposes. To be fair I manage all our money as DW has zero interest, I know it's not ideal but that's how it is, she however has access and passwords to view and manage all accounts if needed.

Does anyone else completely share all finances with there partner? Or are we genuinely weird? It seems no one else I work with really trusts there OH!!!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
bingbongbang23 · 28/10/2023 07:14

One account- all money pooled. We view as family money.

Only issue we ever face is around birthdays- we then have to say 'don't check account for next two weeks' so surprise isn't given away.

I have never like the idea of one partner having more disposable cash than the other- seems very unfair!

SaracensMavericks · 28/10/2023 07:15

DH and I completely share finances. We have three teenage DC.

Heatherbell1978 · 28/10/2023 07:16

I see so many complicated arrangements on MN but we take the same simple approach many have called out here. Both salaries paid into one joint account. All bills, joint savings etc deducted from this account. What is left us discretionary spend split equally between us for what we want.

chopc · 28/10/2023 07:18

Used to be everything in one account. But I have recently started trading under a limited company and have opened a business account for that. If still goes on the family but having read threads on mumsnet I thought it is naive to not have any of your own money

decionsdecisions62 · 28/10/2023 07:25

DH and I have one account that everything goes into. I keep an eye on it. He checks every now and again. My salary is a third larger but that's irrelevant really.

whatkatydid2013 · 28/10/2023 07:28

Lieblingsessen · 28/10/2023 02:42

I'm amazed about the responses, about having complete trust in your partners.

Isn't it the case that most people are completely surprised and didn't see it coming, when their partner announces they are leaving.

Therefore, shouldn't you keep your own accounts with a reasonable amount in it, in case you are that person who had complete trust in your partner, until the day they leave you, after first clearing out the joint accounts, leaving you with nothing?

Let’s say that happens then whether they can genuinely clear you out will depend on what else you have. So in my case our current account has a float of a few thousand and there is £30-40k at any time in savings accounts in joint names or partners name. He could walk out and take it all. If he did then worst case I might need to take a short term loan till I next got my annual bonus. I can’t imagine my OH doing that though. Not because of how much he loves us or how perfect things are but just because it’s so far removed from his character in general dealings with anyone. Can you ever imagine you’d do it? I really can’t. It would be a breathtakingly selfish thing to do and neither of us have ever been beyond very ordinarily selfish about anything.

Edited to add he couldn’t take my pension savings or shares. I would imagine eventually the money he walked out with could be considered when making a divorce settlement related to those & the house.

PickledPurplePickle · 28/10/2023 07:29

We only have joint accounts - much easier, we just pool everything and each spend what we want from what’s left over

Katela18 · 28/10/2023 07:29

We too have a joint account.

Husband earns £50k I earn £28k (pt).

Our children are 3 and 1 so we have a huge childcare bill. Once we are no longer paying for childcare we plan to start paying ourselves private money each month from the joint account

cryinglaughing · 28/10/2023 07:30

No financial secrecy.
Separate accounts, always have done.
I transfer part of my wage to dh, he pays mortgage and utilities from his account. I pay council tax, phones and TV licence.
He picks up other outgoings as earns significantly more than me.
We do have a joint business account, but nothing is drawn out of there unless both of us know about it.

TheGoogleMum · 28/10/2023 07:31

Our money is completely combined to cover household expenses so there's no who pays what, but we do both have individual accounts and get an equal amount of spending money a month - we can spend this on whatever we want without needing agreement! It's only just over £100 a month though. I usually make more than DH but after 2 kids and my reduced hours we now earn a very similar amount

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/10/2023 07:31

Finances were shared when I was married. Unfortunately he turned out to be a gambler and racked up £250k of debt in our joint names. Needless to say I'll never ever share my finances with another human being again!

Toooldtoworry · 28/10/2023 07:33

whatkatydid2013 · 28/10/2023 07:28

Let’s say that happens then whether they can genuinely clear you out will depend on what else you have. So in my case our current account has a float of a few thousand and there is £30-40k at any time in savings accounts in joint names or partners name. He could walk out and take it all. If he did then worst case I might need to take a short term loan till I next got my annual bonus. I can’t imagine my OH doing that though. Not because of how much he loves us or how perfect things are but just because it’s so far removed from his character in general dealings with anyone. Can you ever imagine you’d do it? I really can’t. It would be a breathtakingly selfish thing to do and neither of us have ever been beyond very ordinarily selfish about anything.

Edited to add he couldn’t take my pension savings or shares. I would imagine eventually the money he walked out with could be considered when making a divorce settlement related to those & the house.

Edited
Show quote history

I never thought my ex husband had the character to do that. He took 60k and left me and the children unable to buy/rent a home.

Rewis · 28/10/2023 07:33

I guess it also mean what is completely joint finances? If you have even one old account just in your name that has money that isn't on the joint account then is it completely joint? Or does it mean that vaguest go to same account and you can still have your own account for spending?

I spoke with my mom. She has been married with ny dad for 50 years. They've never had a joit account but all money has always been joint. It's just not in joint account.

There are million ways to do it. Everyone has their own circumstances. Add some some blended family in the mix and a divorce that was costly and then all the personal spending habits. As long as both are haply and either sre being screwed over then it's all good!

needlesandhaystacks · 28/10/2023 07:35

We are same as you. We have a joint account that we put both wages into from our separate accounts, all bills one out of there and all spends. If I want something to be bought as gift for example, I transfer money to my own account so I can buy it.
This works for us, we started after we got married and I've worked p/t since our first child so my income dropped.
No issues.

Poniesandrainbows · 28/10/2023 07:35

Everyone should have their own money. You never know when it'll be needed. Also how do presents work? You buy your wife/husband a gift from joint money - they can see how much you've spent and on what etc.
Joint money with nothing separate sounds very controlling to me and it'd never be something I'd do.

MintJulia · 28/10/2023 07:37

TheaBrandt · 27/10/2023 23:57

Cant imagine being married to someone I didn’t trust. The “running away fund” thing sounds absolutely mental to me - like you are in a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel or something.

No, neither can anyone else until it happens.

In my case ds1 arrived and ex morphed into weird aggressive controlling person I didn't recognise, literally the week we came home from hospital. Before that, I hadn't considered my savings a 'running away fund' but that is what they became.

Some form of financial independence is sadly important.

Somewhatchallenging · 28/10/2023 07:39

We have only a joint account. All money goes into it and out of it.

AuchNaw · 28/10/2023 07:50

Somewhatchallenging · 28/10/2023 07:39

We have only a joint account. All money goes into it and out of it.

Same here.

StuntNun · 28/10/2023 07:58

We do the same as you, OP, but any large sums are decided by the individual. For example, when my granny died, I used my inheritance to buy a car; when my DH got made redundant, he put a portion of the redundancy pay into his pension.

Copasetic · 28/10/2023 07:59

We have been married 32 years and always had just joint accounts.

Original poster
WoodworkingDad · 28/10/2023 08:00

CheshireDing · 28/10/2023 06:40

Is it an age thing? How old are you OP? I see lots of people on this thread saying they have joint finances and have been married a long time.

My Grandparents never had joint finances and nor do DH and I. There’s no way I would want all our wages going into one account. Seems like loosing some cash independence.

Quite possibly could be an age thing, I'm 39 wife is 36. We were forced into it really by circumstances of completely different wages due to part time work and the cost of nursary but it is so much more simple to manage

OP posts:
CollagenQueen · 28/10/2023 08:01

Please remember that your wife earns less than you because she’s caring for two human beings that you impregnated her with. She has sacrificed her career, her earning potential and she’s fucked her pension. I hope you realise what an enormous sacrifice she’s made and don’t begrudge her having access to joint funds.

decionsdecisions62 · 28/10/2023 08:09

DH is 53 and I'm 56. We have always had just one account for 23 years. Only downside gifts to each other as all visible.

Original poster
WoodworkingDad · 28/10/2023 08:13

CollagenQueen · 28/10/2023 08:01

Please remember that your wife earns less than you because she’s caring for two human beings that you impregnated her with. She has sacrificed her career, her earning potential and she’s fucked her pension. I hope you realise what an enormous sacrifice she’s made and don’t begrudge her having access to joint funds.

Not at all!!! In fact I made sure we still paid additional pension contributions when she went on MAT leave into her pension. Her pension wouldnt have been great anyway but thankfully mine is quite good and can be claimed at a relatively early age. As long as the mortgage is paid off (which it should be) she will be finishing work way before state pension age as well 🤞

OP posts:
Dontcallmescarface · 28/10/2023 08:18

DP and me have our own accounts and a joint one just for bills (which we pay an equal amount into). I learnt the hard way wrt a sole joint account when I divorced my ex.

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