Completely Joint finances - weird or normal?

[WoodworkingDad]

Chatting at work recently I have discovered that sharing finances completely even when married puts me in the minority of.... well just me and DW!!!

I work full time and earn £50k wife works part time and earns from two jobs about £15k. We have two daughters 4 and 1 years old.

When we were married and both working FT we opened a joint account and paid similar amounts in for mortgage and household bills (excluding food and fuel) I think I paid slightly more as I earned more.

After number 1 child came along and wife went went back to work PT after MAT leave it became far too complicated to work out financially every month. With the drop in income, nursary fees and us getting paid at different points in the month I suggested having a joint spending account. So now we get paid into our own accounts, I then fund the old joint account for bills and pay remaining money into separate joint (spending) account. Wife pays all wages into same joint spending account so we know exactly how much joint money we have. We effectively don't have private money (own accounts left with £1 in each month). All savings/investments are now pooled for tax purposes. To be fair I manage all our money as DW has zero interest, I know it's not ideal but that's how it is, she however has access and passwords to view and manage all accounts if needed.

Does anyone else completely share all finances with there partner? Or are we genuinely weird? It seems no one else I work with really trusts there OH!!!

Thoughts?

Completely shared - always have and always will. There have been times when I have earned more and times when DH has. Plus Mat leave x3.

Similar income to you guys give or take a few k. 1 x current account joint. All bills in and out. A couple of savings accounts and plum just in my name purely because I couldn’t work out how to make these joint by applying on an app but these are direct debits and same amount and obvs if hubby asks I’ll tell him the balance. All the money to/ from them goes via current account. Yh we do seem in the minority and people seem to have their own money despite having 3 children, mortgage car loans etc.

All our money goes into one account.

We each have a separate savings account opened at the same time, and where we put the same amount of regular savings (it worked out better value to open one each). This is all still considered joint money.

My husband also puts £50 a month into a personal account which is a habit he got into when we had less money and he wanted to not feel guilty about spending on small things for himself, also gifts etc. I couldn't be arsed to do the same.

I don't really understand how you can have "my money" and "your money" in a marriage.

Quite the opposite. If you can't trust them with money, what else can't you trust them with?

On the contrary, I’d have thought joint finances indicate a strong degree of trust.

Obviously it’s never going to work if you have that controlling type of dh or dp.
I dare say I’ve been lucky, but during several decades of marriage dh has never questioned any of my spending.

Yes " I trust you sooo.much I need to keep tabs on every purchase you make" sounds healthy.

Yes, personally I think it’s odd. I want my own money. If we had £500 left for the month, I’d have to ask Dh’s permission to spend that £500 because what if he’s planning to spend it? I’m a grown up and don’t want to be asking permission from anyone about what I can spend. If I have £500 left in my own account and want to spend it, I spend it.
Money for me is much easier to manage when it’s my own money. Dh and I never go without, but we don’t need to be in each other’s pockets either. It would be so much more stressful managing two people’s spending rather than just one. Our joint account is enough effort and that’s all we need to make sure we’re both contributing to the household costs.

Always had a joint account, all money goes into a joint account, all bills come out, if we want to treat ourselves we do.
7 years ago, DH had to give up work due to disabilities. His benefits would barely cover the food shopping, so it's just as well we don't have his and hers accounts!

@WitchyFingers2 I had to laugh at your last post. I imagine in some cases that is true, that spouses are monitoring each others spending, although I imagine if that were true folks would move to separate accounts pretty sharpish. I don't think it's the case for all though. We have fully joint account, I don't take notice of what my husband is buying, and I can't imagine he pays any attention to my transactions. IWe never ask each others permission.

On the flip side, the reason I don't like the idea of separate accounts is because then one person has more money to spend than the other. I am the higher earner in my relationship so I would always have an excess of money vs husbad. My worry would be that this would be cause for resentment.

Where I think it absolutely would be better to have separate, is when it is a second marriage, kids involved on either side etc. then I can fully understand the desire and need to have clear boundaries

How did you come to the conclusion that separate accounts = unequal amounts in each? If you are the higher earner you transfer more into the joint. Or, pay for more expenses if you don't have a joint account.

I'm a similar age and the same. For one thing, we tend to get married later. We've had our own accounts for close to a decade - don't see why we need to change that, just like our maiden names.

It's also worth noting that women were only allowed to open their own bank accounts in 1975! The PP who have been married 40 years .. so 1983 - would have grown up with their mothers having no money in their sole name.

No way am I giving an individual account up in favour of only a joint.

Also I find that younger people also tend to be more financially savvy, forget a single account joint or otherwise most people have different accounts for different things. Travel (good FOREX rates), budgeting, savings. It takes 5-10 minutes to open one with many financial institutions (especially challenger banks) online.

I've worked for a bank and these days, with so many places going cashless it's good practice to have multiple accounts actually. If there's a problem with one card - you can use one of the others. Also, if you have very little in your main spending account nobody can clean it out with your debit card (banks do have fraud checks but they're not infallible).

All this chopping and changing is a bit alien to older people. Just an observation not ageist.

I am slightly bemused at how people are imagining various issues with separate accounts. In 2023 we have standing orders, instant transfers, there is 0 reason why people cannot have their own accounts with equal (or an agreed proportion of!) personal spending money, with the bulk of it in the joint.

I'm very ancient but not completely gaga.
What we did was as follows:
Back the dark ages we had separate accounts.
He moved in with me & we opened a joint account into which we paid equal amounts as we were on roughly the same salaries.
We bought a house together & we switched so that our salaries went into the joint account & some was moved into our single account for non joint stuff.
When we had a family I went part time and we abolished the single accounts.
In spite of being ancient we are capable of looking after our finances & we do now actually have several accounts for convenience although most stuff happens through the joint account.
This has worked for us for over 30 years & is because we trust each other, not because we don't.
My parents, in contrast, never had a joint account. My father covered the bills & gave my mum house keeping for many years. & my mum's part time job went towards holidays etc. We used to think it was ridiculous when she said things like "you owe me £3.50 that I paid the milkman".

Yes. Before kids we both paid into a joint account and kept what was left for ourselves. After kids we now pool all our money. Dh gets paid monthly so that pays the mortgage, bills and the rest is put into savings. I get paid weekly and that's what we live on - food, entertainment etc... Works for us. I am in charge of organising it all which we are both happy with.

Normal for us, everything is shared.

However, we both went into marriage knowing it's essentially a business proposition. There are men I've dated previously that I never would have married due to their absolutely awful spending habits. You can see time and again on MN and other places just how much stress poor financial planning puts on a relationship.

We're both very frugal and neither of us makes a big purchase without at least mentioning it to the other.

We've actually had a shared account since we were first married, before having DS.

Everything is shared. We do have some accounts in just one name (eg where it's not possible to have a joint account with that particular bank but the rate is good) but the money is still joint.

All shared in our marriage.
We never argue about money and all is shared in the eyes of the law anyway 🤷‍♀️

I would never agree to joint everything. We pay our share of bills e.g mortgage and nursery fees but whatever is left is ours.

DH & I have some joint and some personal. I've just sorted my Dad's estate after his passing and it was a masterclass in marriage. Everything was joint so it was all super easy & just transferred automatically to my mum so far more secure for her.

I don’t have a strong view either way. However, a few posters have made the point that they keep separate accounts as it is advised for women to retain financial independence. For me, retaining financial independence means retaining a career/income/means to support yourself if he fucks off, regardless of the structure of accounts. In fact, I imagine far more women are screwed over by the “separate finances” approach than vice versa considering how often women give up their earning power.

I imagine in some cases that is true, that spouses are monitoring each others spending, although I imagine if that were true folks would move to separate accounts pretty sharpish. I don't think it's the case for all though. We have fully joint account, I don't take notice of what my husband is buying, and I can't imagine he pays any attention to my transactions. IWe never ask each others permission.

I read a post recently where someone stated they have to ask their DH's permission for any purchases over £100. I can't imagine living my life like that.

A joint account for bills is useful. Otherwise they are only an advantage for the lower earner.

Yes, in the divorce courts. Thinking of getting divorced are you? Or maybe bumping him off? I can see that joint accounts would be useful then 😉

Been married 38 years and have always had one account. Never had any issues with this, there was a time when I was earning more and financing the husband through university and he did the same for me.
We have never fallen out over money.
All our earnings have gone into one account and savings in others. All bills get paid out of a 'bills' account and holidays etc out of joined savings. Husband has always had better salaries (international company) whereas I've always worked in government jobs. In fact much of our shares and investments are in my name as I pay less tax.
It does get a bit tricky when it comes to buying gifts for Christmas but we don't make much of it.