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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£80 in Card for Friend's Wedding?

161 replies

QS90 · 27/10/2023 18:50

What do you think is the correct amount of cash to put in card for a friend's wedding (they have been living together a while so asked got money rather than gifts)? I think close to £80, but my partner thinks £40 is more appropriate.

For context, this is an old uni friend. We have been friends a while, but are not absolute besties or anything. We are not in the wedding party or bridesmaids or groomsmen or anything. The do seems quite upmarket, in a nice venue and we are having a sit down dinner.

We are low on money atm as DP in and out of work, and I'm just finishing my 2nd lot of maternity leave in two years. However, it's not like we can't afford petrol or groceries or anything. Have spent money on a new dress, bag and shoes (sadly none of my pre-baby clothes are anywhere near fitting me anymore). Venue isn't on doorstep, so there's petrol we've spent and also a room to stay in.

This all sounds very miserly and penny pinching, but it's more that I don't want to get it "wrong" either way. It would also be embarrassing to give too much, and have it seem weird iyswim?

OP posts:
boomboom109283 · 27/10/2023 18:52

I would go in the middle if neither of you is sure and do £60

MancBday · 27/10/2023 18:52

I think 50 is perfect.

Toottooot · 27/10/2023 18:52

At least £100 if you are full day guests.

Logoplanter · 27/10/2023 18:55

I'm sure your friend will just be pleased you've gone to the effort to turn up and celebrate with them.

I know it's hard but try not to second guess yourself and just go with what you can comfortably afford. Weddings are expensive to attend as a guest and I'm sure your friend knows that.

Have fun.

Amba1998 · 27/10/2023 18:55

£100 for day guests

Sparklesocks · 27/10/2023 18:57

Sorry OP but I don’t think you’ll get a consensus as these threads are always ‘how long is a piece of strong’ territory - some posters will say £40 is plenty but others will insist any less than £100 is equivalent to farting in the happy couple’s face

MathsFiend · 27/10/2023 18:58

Honestly? Almost 20 years ago, I’d have put £100 for a couple at the full day. So £40 would certainly be seen as tight.

spidermonkeys · 27/10/2023 18:59

I think £100 is pretty standard for day guests ime.

Kastri · 27/10/2023 19:00

£50,nice round number.Perfectly acceptable amount in my opinion.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 27/10/2023 19:00

I'd do £40
Anyone who would have any negative feelings regarding the amount of money they've been given by people who have gone out of their way and out of pocket for their wedding would be a straight up Wonder twat.

It's a bloody COL and you're strapped.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 27/10/2023 19:01

I'd go £50

PastorCarrBonarra · 27/10/2023 19:02

For a couple for the full day I think £40 is on the low side tbh. £100 seems right but £70-£80 would be ok given your circumstances. Your old uni friend wants to see you there and that’s the main thing for her.

Given your husband’s job situation I’d say no to an invitation to an expensive hen weekend, though.

icelollycraving · 27/10/2023 19:04

I think if you are both going to the full day, £75. I think £40 looks a bit tight, but spend what you can afford.

DaftyInTheMiddle · 27/10/2023 19:05

Recently gotten married, gifts from friends ranged from nothing to £100. We always used to put £100 in for close friends but honestly we couldn’t afford that these days so £40 was how much we put in the last card. Anyone expecting a certain amount should be thinking more about the marriage tbh.

Back21970 · 27/10/2023 19:06

I would usually say £100 between a couple but given cash is tight £50 - £80 fine.

I agree £40 seems a bit low - £60 be a good compromise If you can stretch to it.

Ghastisflabbered · 27/10/2023 19:06

If you can afford it then £80 is more appropriate in my opinion.

I work on the basis with a cash gift that the bride and groom shouldn’t be out of pocket from inviting you so aim to cover the cost of the sit down meal at least - so if you put the £80 in then it’s £40 each from you and DH.

This is why I prefer gift lists as it easier to buy something cheaper and still know the couple want it and will enjoy it.

Sidenote: I know the bride and groom aren’t asking for money to cover the cost of inviting you as guests, it’s just internally how I work out what I feel is an appropriate cash gift.

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/10/2023 19:09

Ghastisflabbered · 27/10/2023 19:06

If you can afford it then £80 is more appropriate in my opinion.

I work on the basis with a cash gift that the bride and groom shouldn’t be out of pocket from inviting you so aim to cover the cost of the sit down meal at least - so if you put the £80 in then it’s £40 each from you and DH.

This is why I prefer gift lists as it easier to buy something cheaper and still know the couple want it and will enjoy it.

Sidenote: I know the bride and groom aren’t asking for money to cover the cost of inviting you as guests, it’s just internally how I work out what I feel is an appropriate cash gift.

I work on the basis that if someone wants a big do with guests, they should pay for it.

ActDottie · 27/10/2023 19:11

I do £80 of day guests and £30 is evening guests.

StormInaDcup99 · 27/10/2023 19:11

Sorry but £40 seems paltry ....that's only 20 quid each!

If you can stretch I'd give an absolute minimum of £100 ie 50 quid each

Vinrouge4 · 27/10/2023 19:11

£40 seems a bit tight for a couple unless you are students. Definitely £100 if you don't want to seem mean. If you went out for a nice meal then this is roughly what you would spend so look on it like that.

Hadalifeonce · 27/10/2023 19:13

Gift whatever you can afford to, or want to. There is no set answer as wedding invitations don't come with a price tag.

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 27/10/2023 19:14

Ghastisflabbered · 27/10/2023 19:06

If you can afford it then £80 is more appropriate in my opinion.

I work on the basis with a cash gift that the bride and groom shouldn’t be out of pocket from inviting you so aim to cover the cost of the sit down meal at least - so if you put the £80 in then it’s £40 each from you and DH.

This is why I prefer gift lists as it easier to buy something cheaper and still know the couple want it and will enjoy it.

Sidenote: I know the bride and groom aren’t asking for money to cover the cost of inviting you as guests, it’s just internally how I work out what I feel is an appropriate cash gift.

Of course they should be bloody out of pocket it's their wedding!

Ghastisflabbered · 27/10/2023 19:14

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/10/2023 19:09

I work on the basis that if someone wants a big do with guests, they should pay for it.

Show quote history

I work on the basis of reading posts before responding to them.

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/10/2023 19:16

Toottooot · 27/10/2023 18:52

At least £100 if you are full day guests.

Op is low on cash as she said and her gift is not reflective of her attendance.

avocadotofu · 27/10/2023 19:16

I have always personally done at Least £100 when we're day guests and know the people well. However, this is affordable for us, we wouldn't if it wasn't so I think it depends a bit on that.