£80 in Card for Friend's Wedding?

[QS90]

What do you think is the correct amount of cash to put in card for a friend's wedding (they have been living together a while so asked got money rather than gifts)? I think close to £80, but my partner thinks £40 is more appropriate.

For context, this is an old uni friend. We have been friends a while, but are not absolute besties or anything. We are not in the wedding party or bridesmaids or groomsmen or anything. The do seems quite upmarket, in a nice venue and we are having a sit down dinner.

We are low on money atm as DP in and out of work, and I'm just finishing my 2nd lot of maternity leave in two years. However, it's not like we can't afford petrol or groceries or anything. Have spent money on a new dress, bag and shoes (sadly none of my pre-baby clothes are anywhere near fitting me anymore). Venue isn't on doorstep, so there's petrol we've spent and also a room to stay in.

This all sounds very miserly and penny pinching, but it's more that I don't want to get it "wrong" either way. It would also be embarrassing to give too much, and have it seem weird iyswim?

Agreed. You want a big attention seeking celebration, you pay for it.

We’ve bought your lunch so pay us back…..that’s what asking for money as a wedding present feels like to me.
If the couple don’t want presents then just say ‘your company is all we ask for’
I know I’ll get shot with sh1t for this comment…so bring it on!

Only what you can afford- I would hate anyone to give me a gift than was more
than they can afford. I think £40-50 is fine 😊

As a family who all work within the wedding industry most couples don't care what they get at the end of the day and want people's attendance over gifts.

£50 is plenty for a couple for a full day. No one is going to know who gave what and the memories from the day are what is important.

Even as a wedding guest it can get expensive quickly with outfits, travel etc.

I'd go £50 rather than £40.

£40 just seems like you have calculated exactly what you can afford. £50 just seems more casual.

I've taken people at their word when they've said that and was educated by MN that apparently I'd committed a huge social faux pas. But I haven't attended a wedding in years and the ones I attended for friends before that, cost me hundreds of pounds to attend with travel, accommodation and pre-wedding shenanigans so.... .

I was a bridesmaid once and paid for my dress, shoes, travel, £300 for a dreadful hen do day doing things I didn't want to do and didn't enjoy, overnight accommodation for the wedding etc. I wasn't going to also give £100 to the couple who'd lived together for years and had a combined salary 5 times my earnings when the B and G explicitly said 'we want your presence not presents but...cash would be nice'.

I honestly didn't realise how terribly I'd apparently behaved till MN.

DH and I were given £15 and a small votive candle from a close family member. It was very odd considering they earn really well...🤣

Luckily, they are recently engaged and we know exactly the kind of gift they would appreciate. £15 and a votive candle in return 😁

Also, £80-£100 sounds fair.

What can you afford. £50 be what I'd put in

I'm sorry, but this post comes across as tacky and grabby. Who goes around tallying up how much relatives give them? Unless they were a very close relative, I would not feel bothered by that at all: even if they were close,if 15.00 is all they can afford so be it. You say they 'earn well' but unless you have intimate knowledge of their outgoings you don't actually know what their true financial situation is. Also, 80-100 does not 'sound fair' if the OP cannot afford it. As I said before, a wedding is not a fundraiser.

This.

It's also incredibly petty and childish. "We thought your gift was shit so we're thrilled now you're getting married so are going to give you the same ha ha ha, we won".

Just don't go to the wedding or don't give a gift in that case. Seriously. You clearly don't like them much and are still seething from their inadequate gift so just don't go or buy anything. No-one needs or wants a guest at their wedding who is thrilled to make a passive aggressive point.

£40 is plenty I think.