£80 in Card for Friend's Wedding?

[QS90]

What do you think is the correct amount of cash to put in card for a friend's wedding (they have been living together a while so asked got money rather than gifts)? I think close to £80, but my partner thinks £40 is more appropriate.

For context, this is an old uni friend. We have been friends a while, but are not absolute besties or anything. We are not in the wedding party or bridesmaids or groomsmen or anything. The do seems quite upmarket, in a nice venue and we are having a sit down dinner.

We are low on money atm as DP in and out of work, and I'm just finishing my 2nd lot of maternity leave in two years. However, it's not like we can't afford petrol or groceries or anything. Have spent money on a new dress, bag and shoes (sadly none of my pre-baby clothes are anywhere near fitting me anymore). Venue isn't on doorstep, so there's petrol we've spent and also a room to stay in.

This all sounds very miserly and penny pinching, but it's more that I don't want to get it "wrong" either way. It would also be embarrassing to give too much, and have it seem weird iyswim?

This.

You can't give £40, that's £20 each... I would say £100 is appropriate

Ah bugger, OP. How creative are you?

Maybe just a bottle of Moët and Sharpie?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

20 years, we wrote on our wedding invitatioins "It's your presence we are grateful for, not your presents" blah blah. That was a bad move, far too many people took it literally 😆

But seriously, give what you can comfortably afford, but agree with PPs who've said £60 is the pair of you meeting in the middle.

I think it depends on how much you're spending otherwise over the wedding. If you're having to travel a long way and pay for a hotel then it makes a difference and should be factored into the costs, relative to a fancy sit down meal. I wouldn't want to pay less than what I thought was worth the meal for myself and partner but I would consider my other costs as part of the gift or the celebration of being there. So say, hotel overnight "for" the event and £40 given I would see as fine. Maybe £60 if the wedding was local. Personally, I do think the overall wedding industry is a rip off so my view might differ to most, anyway. I also feel like they already have most of what they need over living together and asking for cash.

What do you mean? You send the poem
Saying you didn't want anything but actually you wanted money? That would have gone completely over my head sorry. I would have taken that to mean no gifts or money.

I got married 8 years ago and the most that anyone gave was £50. Most people who gave £50 were in a couple, only one or two individual guests gave £80.

If cash was not a problem then I’d say £50 each so £100 but you need to be sensible here. Sounds like you’ve already spent a fair whack, you’re on Mat leave. It’s one day. The couple should be grateful for any gifts. In your shoes I’d give £60.

I would say £50 is a very generous amount, I definitely wouldn't go as high as £80.

We do 100 for close friends . The amount feels right for us

I realise it's too late now but why would you agree to such an expense when you are on ML and your DP is "in and out of work" (whatever that means?)

I fully admit I am not a wedding fan but shelling out on a new dress / petrol / room / gift and any additional expenses just doesn't seem ideal if you aren't flush right now.

£50 will be fine given how much it will cost you to attend.

Even for guests who can't afford £100?

And what a waste if they don't drink champagne. If you don't like someone enough to give what they've asked for, don't turn up to be fed by them.

OP usually I at least cover my plate. We'd pay £30 for a meal and drinks, so £60 is about right. If I was closer then I'd go more.

Not many Irish responding here. Anything less than 200 Euro a couple for day guests in Ireland would be noticed.

£50 is fine.

Honestly it’s what you can afford. We had wedding gifts of 500 and some of 20 and it really didn’t matter at all. I’d probably do about 50 as that’s where I feel comfortable, unless a family member or bestie then I’d do 100.

You're not well-off, give what you can afford. Good friends will understand.

By dickheads.

And the B&G would show themselves as collossul dick heads for disclosing that.

I would seriously judge someone for that sort of behaviour.

Not the type of people I'd want to associate with

I’d probably go for £100, but I also think £50 is fine. Maybe £75.

If you can afford it, I’d go with 100. Always better to be too generous than risk being seen as tight. If you truly can’t afford 100, I’d go w 60.

@Ponoka7

Not quite as simple as that, is it!

Why if going all day should people give more??
its a gift, they’re not paying for their meal!
£50 is plenty and I’m sure a true friend wouldn’t expect anything more

i think for balance it needs to be £50 or £100. So in this case £50- if you wanted to be a bit more “classy” I would do a voucher for John Lewis for £60.

but of its cash in a card then a rounder number is better.

@QS90 i would put £50 in the card. I would want my friends come to the wedding and enjoyed themselves and I wouldn’t care if they didn’t give a gift (I think I might be disappointed without a card, not sure why though). And I’d feel even worse if they put money in the card and put themselves in a tricky financial position.

You should give what you can afford and are comfortable with.

Everyone on here who can chuck £100 in a card at least^^ and think everyone else should or they are tight can absolutely go and swivel.

£100 to me as an astronomical amount of money to put in a card, and I couldn't afford to do that. I
Wouldn't expect that of anyone either. I could probably afford £20 if I carefully budgeted.

£50 is perfectly acceptable for day guests.