To want another baby when I can’t manage the two I have?

[Thehonestbadger]

I know this is completely unreasonable

I have two DC, DS 3.5 and DD 2
DS is severely autistic (non verbal, very high needs…etc) and looking after him is HARD
We aren’t coping and have very nearly divorced several times over the past year. Home life is rough.

The thing is I LOVE parenting DD. Neurotypical parenting is amazing and honestly I would love a second child who engaged/functioned. I don’t often feel like DS is a second child tbh. It’s incredibly hard but there’s very little engagement.

We have a lovely home and no financial concerns and I just think about the future and how I always wanted 3 kids. I feel like I just can’t justify or responsibly even consider a third because of DS’s behaviour/needs and it just makes me feel like another thing I’ve lost because of him.

Don't get me wrong I love him and I know it’s not his fault he is how he is but it has pretty much ruined our lives.

From what other posters have said about your other threads, you wouldn't just be unreasonable having a 3rd child but irresponsible and selfish.

But wanting one, you're not unreasonable for that.

Can you explain what you mean by vulnerable?

Because I don't think either of those things automatically make someone vulnerable.

Stressed, sad, frustrated, exhausted and a list of emotions spring to mind. But that doesn't automatically make her a vulnerable person, imo.

Let's be honest this is all about you and not your current or potential new children. Is it fair on them to divide the care, attention and resources further? Only you can say but the way you write, it's about what you want.

It's a natural biological urge so YANBU for feeling that way but you need to outthink your ovaries here.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want one - but I think you’d be being very unreasonable to have one in your circumstances. If your DH was on board, then maybe - but if your marriage is struggling? I don’t think it would be wise.

My son has a chromosome deletion thought to be the underlying cause for his autism ,so although there is no specific test ,these can be inherited from.parents ( it wasn't in my sons case)
Which could increase the likelihood of a second child having similar disabilities.

And my child us still non verbal.at 13 and at a special.school.for children with severe and profound learning disabilities
Its a huge spectrum and affects everyone differently.

It's unrealistic and unfair to expect children to ease the burden of parental caring - they are children, not employees. Many sibs will help, but you cannot guarantee that they will.

Adding any baby to a failing marriage is a recipe for disaster. All babies cry and cause stress and sleepless nights, NT or ND. You don’t need this right now OP.