Aibu to decline a family event because of dogs?

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

A tricky situation has arisen. Within DH large family there is a significant event next year where it has been agreed that everyone will meet and stay together in a house for the weekend. This is booked and is a considerable distance from us in the middle of nowhere so nowhere else near.
There will be 4 dogs joining us. I am severely allergic and they are a significant trigger of my asthma. Family know this.
DH thinks we should ask for the dogs to be kept outside. I think this isn't fair to the dog owners as I am the minority and I think it will cause bad feeling.
What's the solution here? Travelling just for the day isn't an option and staying elsewhere defeats the point of the trip.

for pp saying husband should go alone, I’m sure he can go alone if he wants, but he may not want to - especially if he tells them she can’t attend because of the dogs and they choose the dogs being there instead of her.

but tbh realistically it doesn’t sound as if they are bothered about you being there if they know you’re allergic and not made it dog free, so I doubt they will change their arrangements with the dogs. Unless of course they all forgot…🤔

The answer is to book somewhere else dog free close by for you & your husband. Spend the days and evenings with them but sleep elsewhere. Your allergies may still be triggered but at least you can get away at the end of the day and sleep somewhere allergy free.

It shouldn’t offend anyone as you have a perfectly valid reason.

Yeah, just spin the roulette on your asthma, op. Best of luck.

In fairness, that's because a lot of people claim to be 'allergic' to loads of things that they just don't actually like.

I love my dogs. They are family members and we do holidays around them.

However, if I was attending a group event and someone was allergic I would get a sitter. Not a chance I would take them but keep them outside. But I wouldn’t take them.

Not sure that will solve the issue though. The dog friendly house will likely have had dogs before. Could set an allergy off anyway

I sympathise as I'm allergic to cats and feathers.

Can you get antihistamines and start dosing up a couple of days beforehand, and get through it that way? If not, I'd not go tbh.

This is booked and is a considerable distance from us in the middle of nowhere so nowhere else near.

Literally says this in the OP and posters are suggesting OP book another accommodation which solves nothing when she still has to go to the house where the dogs are going to be if that is where everyone will be the entire time.

I can't believe the suggestion to just keep the dogs outside! This is impossible and really unfair unless the dogs are 100% used to doing this on a daily basis already. Sorry OP, just decline or stay somewhere else.

With asthma and severe allergy you just can't go in the accommodation full stop tbh.

Exactly, also Op said “staying elsewhere defeats the point of the trip.” So it’s definitely not an option.

yanbu

I'm similar and even 'drugged up' with allergy medicines I cannot stay in the same enclosed room with those animals for more than a few minutes.

I also have to be careful to book hotels and other holiday places that allow pets. and to never sleep on the pull out sofa even then as some dog owners think their pet is 'family' rather than an animal

Surely the sensible option is just to book somewhere nearby for yourself and your husband? It sounds as if his family are all dog lovers and have specifically chosen dog-friendly accommodation - and it costs about £400 a week to put a dog in kennels and if there are four that are coming, that's £1600 that the OP will end up costing her husband's family. Might make the family members somewhat resent the OP for having to fork out for that and forego having fun with their pooches.

If the dogs aren't used to being kept outside all night, then they're going to bark alot. Also because the housebis dog friendly, that means numerous dogs have stayed there recently. If it's for an event, could you and your husband stay at a hotel nearby? Or you could decline due to your dog allergy.

Surely you were consulted before the booking was made - otherwise how would they know the dates you were available?
That was the point to say you'd love to join everyone but you wouldn't be able to stay in a dog friendly place (with or without family dogs because, as others have said, previous doggie guests will trigger your asthma). You could have suggest finding somewhere else to stay close to where they book and liaised with them over this.

Now it's booked is hardly the time to start wondering what to do! Only you know how badly you are likely to react and what you are prepared to tolerate/risk. But no, you can't expect dogs that presumably live indoors to spend the holiday outside!

That's what I was thinking. The event is for humans surely?!

I wouldn't go. It sucks, but even if your relatives all agree to keep their dogs out of the house (and manage to actually do that, which I think is vanishingly unlikely), a dog-friendly Airbnb is unlikely to have been cleaned enough to remove all traces of previous canine visitors so your allergy would be triggered just by being there.

Many people consider dogs to be family.

I appreciate this is something people who are not dog lovers don't understand.

Just out of interest are you affected when a dog is on a train or in a fairly large cafe or restaurant or somewhere like a bookshop?

I’m not allergic but avoid booking dog friendly hotels. It’s usually easy to find out which ones are but not so much with restaurants and cafes.

Yes. She might as well book a nice holiday for herself while her DH goes. I’d be even more annoyed if I was expected to also pay towards this house that I not only didn’t choose but my severe allergy was ignored.

I’ve had family members set up
gatherings and houses and hotels are only booked unless all coming are ok with it.

To be brutal - they've deliberately picked somewhere dog friendly and a number of them are planning on bringing dogs, so either they don't know you're allergic or don't care. Unlikely they'll be thrilled at the suggestion their dogs live outside or that they fork out £££s to put them into kennels. Either way you are not unreasonable to decline to go. Why not just use the money to have a nice break away somewhere without dogs?!

I can't believe that telling the op to 'just decline or stay somewhere else' is seen as any better? Looks like the relatives are trying to tell her how little they care about her or her health.

I understand dogs being family but I don't understand them being put above human family members.

The only sensible solution is your DH goes to the family event on his own. Is there any reason why this would be a problem?

They're not her relatives - they're her husband's. They might not even really know her.

I'd rather go on holiday with my dogs than 90% of my relatives tbh!