Aibu to decline a family event because of dogs?

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

A tricky situation has arisen. Within DH large family there is a significant event next year where it has been agreed that everyone will meet and stay together in a house for the weekend. This is booked and is a considerable distance from us in the middle of nowhere so nowhere else near.
There will be 4 dogs joining us. I am severely allergic and they are a significant trigger of my asthma. Family know this.
DH thinks we should ask for the dogs to be kept outside. I think this isn't fair to the dog owners as I am the minority and I think it will cause bad feeling.
What's the solution here? Travelling just for the day isn't an option and staying elsewhere defeats the point of the trip.

They ARE her relatives by marriage, she may become the mother of their nieces, nephews, grandchildren, cousins. There is nothing to suggest they don't know her.

Apart from the fact they don't know she's severely allergic to dogs you mean? And as several of them have dogs, that suggests she's never been to their homes.

Hmmm difficult one.

I'm severely allergic to cats and know I couldn't spend 4 days in a cat house at all. People underestimate allergies. Even with strong antihistamines, I'd be suffering if I was stuck with cats for more than a few hours. Most people with cats suggest I'll be ok with theirs for some unfathomable reason. I'm not. However cats don't usually travel like dogs so can be avoided.

I'm a dog owner. She's a poodle so as hypoallergenic as you could get. Some dogs also set my reactions off but nothing like cats. Unfortunately OP you can't suggest that the dogs stay outside for 4 days. If the place was large enough and the dogs could stay in a separate room away from you, it may work. But that's probably hard to police and you'd be constantly on edge.

If I were in your boots I'd just say that I'm unable to join as the dogs will cause you significant medical problems and you're not prepared to do that to yourself. Then leave the ball in the dog owners court to make serious suggestions (which, if they want you there, is not to bring the dogs). Good luck.

I wouldn’t keep my dog outside for an entire weekend, so depending on whose family it is, either I or my husband would stay home with the dog. Or she’d go to the boarders.
Although as others have said if the venue is dog friendly, it’s going to be covered in dog dander even without the family dogs there, so they should really have booked somewhere that doesn’t permit dogs at all if they knew OP was allergic.

Right, and there is nothing wrong with that - enjoy it!
That said, they have invited her to a family event but completely ignored her allergy, which by the sounds of it can be quite serious. The dogs don't shouldn't trump the human here, even if you would make that choice yourself. Also, she doesn't HAVE to go, but a lot of couples do make the effort to attend family events together.

They do know
It's right there in the OP

Where does it say they don't know that she is allergic to dogs?
I haven't been to some of my family members homes, partly due to where we live, but that doesn't mean we aren't close or wouldn't consider each other.

If they put their dogs over you then they are gobshites and I wouldn't want to go anyway

Then they don't care, do they? So her asking them all to fork out to put their dogs in kennels for a week is unlikely to meet with a warm reception.

They really shouldn't be bringing the dogs if you have an allergy.

Tell them you can't go because of your allergy if the dogs are going. Take your cue for relations going forward based on their response.

So they know she's allergic to dogs but planned to take their dogs anyway. Good luck to her if she choose to tell them to put the dogs outside/in kennels.

There's so much detail missing here. Assuming this is something like a milestone birthday and the person who is celebrating wants to bring their dog then no you're needs aren't compatible with the event. We have elderly family members who can't physically get around well anymore. We still did a white water rafting trip for one persons big birthday. The oldies and the pregnant lady didn't come. It's ok to have celebrations that don't suit everyone.

We have two dogs and in this situation they’d be going into kennels. Ours charges £15 per day per dog and we factor that cost in when we make plans to be away from home. No way would I want to deal with the stress to the allergy sufferer, me or the dogs.

Yeah, good luck to her for attempting to stand up for herself.

In this situation, it has nothing to do with whether she wants to or not but that she can’t due to a severe allergy.

Yes it does solve something because people with allergies can’t avoid them completely. I’m allergic to cats and wouldn’t choose to sleep in a house with cats present as I wouldn’t want asthma all night. But I can’t avoid all houses with cats in them as I visit my friends houses. So I take inhalers and put up with it for the sake of visiting friends.

The house may be in the middle of no where but the nearest hotel/b&b or Airbnb is still likely to be within an hour’s drive. I would book the closest one available and put up with the animals possibly triggering an allergic reaction when I visited the holiday house.

Yep, I am aware of that.

It's not about standing up for herself. It's a family event - it's about give and take. We don't have all the info here. If it's a milestone birthday and the birthday girl/boy is bringing their dog and has asked other family members to bring theirs, and that's a major part of the event, then yes, she'd be unreasonable to tell them to leave the dogs at home. You can't please all of the people all of the time.

Yes !

The dogs are as much part of their family as the op. ..they have planned a large family weekend, specifically choosing a dog friendly place so all the family can join. The op can choose to go or not. She can take anti histamines, she can stay in alternative accommodation and meet up as an when she wants.

She has been invited to a doggy family weekend. She has the option to accept or decline.

@Totalwasteofpaper

"I have a dog. Most couldn't survive outside all day let alone at night."

I don't understand this. How is it so. Aren't dogs descendants of wolves? Who were outside animals, in temperate/cold climates?
There's stray dogs in countries with much colder winters - like Eastern Europe - as well?
Also cats are generally well able to survive outside, definitely for a day/night?

I don't understand this - how are these dogs so biologically different from wolves / cats / stray dogs in Romania/ cows / etc etc?

I have a dog. I like dogs. I’m not going anywhere socially with four dogs. Definitely not on vacation.

My dog is currently curled up in front of the fire. The thought that i could just leave him outside overnight when that's not what he's used to is just laughable.
He's from working stock. His parents live in a kennel. He doesn't. He lives in a nice cosy house.

They've been bred to be - depending on their breed, some have thin coats and can't tolerate rain/cold.

And it's what they're used to - like humans, they're used to living in a house and if you suddenly kick them out, they're completely bemused and upset. And would probably stand outside the back door barking to be let back in all day. Not the same for street dogs as they don't have a home, and cats are a different species that has domesticated in a different way.

How are they different? They’re not biologically different but obviously they’ve never been left outside at night, their bodies aren’t used to it, they have no resistance to cold. Clearly you’ve never met a dog, let alone lived with one.

I wouldn't go in your shoes op. It's inconsiderate and dismissive of them to ignore your allergies so they have clearly decided they don't give a shit if you are there. Go and do something else instead. As soon as you have to start asking them to make accommodations for you they will get all uppity as if you are being inconvenient when you have every right to be passed off at their lack or consideration.