Aibu to decline a family event because of dogs?

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

A tricky situation has arisen. Within DH large family there is a significant event next year where it has been agreed that everyone will meet and stay together in a house for the weekend. This is booked and is a considerable distance from us in the middle of nowhere so nowhere else near.
There will be 4 dogs joining us. I am severely allergic and they are a significant trigger of my asthma. Family know this.
DH thinks we should ask for the dogs to be kept outside. I think this isn't fair to the dog owners as I am the minority and I think it will cause bad feeling.
What's the solution here? Travelling just for the day isn't an option and staying elsewhere defeats the point of the trip.

Yes OP I would decline it isn’t worth the affect on your health.
They should make some effort to include you that way the dogs would be part of the discussion on options.

And your reading comprehension is severely lacking as well as your common sense.

Where is she supposed to stay when it’s in the middle of nowhere and she is severely allergic to dogs who are staying at where the event is being held.

I'm not allergic to dogs but I'd be unhappy with this. You compromise on quality/choice of accommodation when dogs are invited and. I don't really like them or the smell of them.

So basically it’s you or the dogs.
Let the family decide.

Exactly this
Wouldn't put my dog outside, not appropriate
But would absolutely not bring him if genuinely understood impact on you

Are the dogs going along to the event itself? Personally I would stay elsewhere and go to the event if the dogs aren't going. You could ask everyone to leave their dogs at home but obviously that might not go down well. If it was my family though our dogs just wouldn't be going if we had an allergic family member.

I'm sorry your in-laws are unkind and putting their dogs over you, lots of people can be very blasé about serious allergies if it affects them in any way at all, they just decide the allergy can't be that serious, or the person with the allergy is making a fuss.

Sounds like you can't go at all. What do you think about your husband going without you? Would you enjoy having a couple of days home alone, have some friends around? If you want him to stay home with you I think that's fine too- hus family have closed to exclude you.

I've spent the last decade estranged from my extended family after they prioritised spoiled, snappy dogs over babies' and toddlers' safety. I don't really miss them. I think that in situations like this you find out how much you really value each other.

It’s crazy how often this is happening nowadays . It wasn’t really a thing in the 90s. Pets were just pets. Now family will proudly prioritise them over human members of their family including babies and toddlers.

On one thread a woman said no matter how much she tried, her dog wouldn’t stop urinating on the floor and growling at her partner.

And she couldn’t have her baby crawling on urine soaked carpets or her partner on edge, so she gave it away to a relative. Some posters were insulting her, telling her how cruel she had been to the dog 🙄

If they are not willing to respect the fact you ate allergic and asthmatic which could kill you don't go. Your health is more important

Sorry, that's total rubbish.

People have failed to deal with training and behaviour problems for donkeys years, these days more people try to resolve them than just dump/kill the dog, but dogs experiencing problematic behaviour for owners is not new.

I can remember in the early 80s, my parents banning a good friend from bringing his dog over as he (Pepper) had bitten several people (Cocker spaniel) - this caused ructions because other friends dogs were tolerated (my parents were not really dog people but had a soft spot for the Samoyeds belonging to two sets of friends).

I can recall the issue of whose dogs were going to be where coming up multiple times on trips and holidays, despite the fact we didn't have a dog, because many friends did and the places we went were varying degrees of dog friendly/dog tolerant/dog unsuitable.

So even though we were not dog owners or particularly dog people, and were not going to dog-centric events... there were still dogs everywhere, Bearded Collies, Samoyeds, Springers, Border Collies, an Afghan Hound, English Setter, Old English Sheepdogs (multiple, they seem to have been popular in teh late 70s/early 80s)... and crossbreeds of all shapes and sizes - Sweep, short of leg and large of stomach who famously pre-washed the garden table that had been used to butcher the hog roast ... for about six hours! Rex, who treed a squirrel in a Sheffield park... then ran up the tree and committed a very public squirrel murder... Dylan, who was relaxed and lazy until anyone swam then he panicked and had to try to rescue us all... Of course I remember them all as I was animal-mad, but they were there, they were in pubs and homes and camping and came with visitors.... (and all were well mannered on the whole excusing Rex's squirrely faux pas..).

It is just your experience that dogs everywhere is a brand new phenomenon. It isn't actually a fact, at all. I think it's the other way round, the previous couple of decades became less and less dog friendly, so now the swing the other way looks odd... rather than the return to the norm it is.

no, it’s not total rubbish @WiddlinDiddlin as I stated, I’m speaking of my experience in the 90s growing up , I wasn’t particularly speaking of the 70s/80s when I wasn’t around and didn’t comment on that.

People have failed to deal with training and behaviour problems for donkeys years, these days more people try to resolve them than just dump/kill the dog, but dogs experiencing problematic behaviour for owners is not new

That wasn’t the point of my post. I was not commenting on whether people have failed to deal with training and behaviour problems more now or not. Not sure where you’re getting that from and why you’re arguing over it with me?

I’m clearly saying in my previous post that nowadays people get more riled at someone rehoming a dog for the welfare and safety and welfare of themselves/ their family. In the example I gave it was a baby/partner the person had prioritised and they were getting slammed for it. IMO it would’ve been considered more of a no-brainer back in the 90s.

I didn’t know anyone who would get offended when I said I didn’t want their dog around me as a child, both children and adults would take care to keep it away from me, whereas now a lot of people seem to take it personally about their “fur baby”. I went to secondary school via train and not once did I see a dog aside from the odd guide dog on a train. I see dogs on trains fairly regularly now. Non service Dogs were NOT allowed in any of the restaurants and cafes in my town or most of the ones in the large city where I went to school. Or if they were people just didn’t bring them as I never seen them.

And I was a bookworm who lived in various libraries and never seen a dog there once. I doubt they were allowed. As an adult I Occasionally go to library and saw dogs there twice this summer alone.

It is just your experience that dogs everywhere is a brand new phenomenon. It isn't actually a fact, at all

dog ownership has risen in my lifetime - fact.
especially over recent years. So along with the changing attitude towards them which yes I have noticed, they are now more prevalent in many more places.

Yes there are a lot more dogs around and they were allowed to go more or less everywhere these days, so the impact on those who don't want them around for any reason is significant.

I've spent the last decade estranged from my extended family after they prioritised spoiled, snappy dogs over babies' and toddlers' safety. I don't really miss them. I think that in situations like this you find out how much you really value each other indeed.

I'd personally just take anti histamine with me.
My sons allergic to dogs eggs and nuts and has asthma...

All houses within my family have dogs which isn't an issue as it's not my home...so when we visit he gets anti histamine and we always have his epi pens with us also x

I would end up in hospital on a nebuliser if I spent any length of time in a house with a dog. Antihistamine doesn’t reduce my symptoms enough to avoid this. Please be aware of this as my mum didn’t when I was a child and I ended up with an emergency admission.

Your son's allergy is clearly mild. It's very important not to assume that other people will be so easily able to control their symptoms. As pp said before, I've ended up in a&e after being around dogs, even with anti histamines and high dose steroids and Montelukast.

Sadly, this shows that there is still a lot of ignorance about allergic reactions.

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone on MN with dogs sometimes. I’m a dog owner and dog lover but sometimes it’s unfair on the dog and the humans to continue with a negative situation.
In real life, nobody I know would put up with something like you described. They’d try a dog trainer or behaviourist but ultimately, if things didn’t change, humans come before dogs. I know people who’ve rehomed for genuine reasons and they’re not judged. It’s more the ”oh we got a cute jackapoochi puppy for Christmas but he’s now 3 months and I’m bored of rainy walks and toilet training” that get people’s backs up.

I would attend the event, and stay close by. Your reason is a health related one, and you are being respectful by acknowledging that the dog relatives, shouldn’t be turned out.

Op says staying elsewhere isn't an option