Aibu to decline a family event because of dogs?

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

A tricky situation has arisen. Within DH large family there is a significant event next year where it has been agreed that everyone will meet and stay together in a house for the weekend. This is booked and is a considerable distance from us in the middle of nowhere so nowhere else near.
There will be 4 dogs joining us. I am severely allergic and they are a significant trigger of my asthma. Family know this.
DH thinks we should ask for the dogs to be kept outside. I think this isn't fair to the dog owners as I am the minority and I think it will cause bad feeling.
What's the solution here? Travelling just for the day isn't an option and staying elsewhere defeats the point of the trip.

Well, we descend from cavemen but i dont fancy wrapping an animal hide round me, sleeping in a cave and shitting in the woods with no toilet roll, do you? 😅

Its the same with dogs id imagine. What dog do you know that has to hunt for food like a wolf? Im guessing none. If a dog isnt used to living outside, you can't just chuck them outside on a whim

It really won’t ‘look at bit off’ if you say you can’t come. You have a very good reason! It would be a bit off if they insisted you came knowing that you’re severely allergic. Maybe they’ll turn round and say they hadn’t appreciated just serious your allergy was and will offer to put the dogs in kennels (and if the don’t, screw them!).

No they don’t.
Dogs are family.

We have two very well trained dogs, they are our family and come almost everywhere with us. There’s no way we’d leave them in kennels with strangers and other dogs. In this situation, if we were unable to leave them with very trusted family, we would either stay elsewhere with the dogs and just join in for the main event, or if that wasn’t possible, we would be the ones to politely decline the event with no hard feelings to allow the person with the allergy to attend. They don’t choose to have an allergy, but it’s our choice to prioritise our dogs. Which does sometimes come with sacrifices, but we’d never compromise on their safety, and it’s worth it for all the happiness they bring to our lives.

How do you manage day to day life ? Guide dogs go everywhere including holiday cottages hotels etc ?
do you have to take daily medication

This. I’m afraid you can’t insist the dogs are kept outside, but if family are decent they should understand.

I think you're nuts! To be so affable. It's off putting you're putting yourself last.

Ive a mild allergy to dogs (scratchy eyes, lips crack, itchy) and I love dogs and family and friends have dogs but there are some days I cant bear to feel like that/endure it. So I stay away.

Let alone if I had severe asthma/allergic reaction.

Your health must come first, not the needs of a dog/dog owner! Therefore, either stay away, or the dogs can't go. Not healthy anyways an owner can't leave their dogs for a few nights. That's equally nuts.

Nuts + nuts = really, really nuts.

It can be hard to find properties that accept dogs, let alone 4 dogs. Dogs should not be coming for the weekend, they should find alternative care for them. It is very selfish.

Can your DH go without you? If it was my family, we would also have four dogs coming. With all the family there, we wouldn’t have anyone to leave them with. None of us would stick our dogs outside to sleep. You may have to ask to not attend.

@HollyNightingale

lol why would be putting your dogs in kennels be a compromise to their safety?!

@RainbowNinja77

ask who?! She doesn’t need anyone’s permission to prioritise her HEALTH

@RainbowNinja77 have you never used dog boarding at all or asked a friend to look after them?

@LuckySantangelo35
Because kennels can be a very stressful environment for dogs and anything could go wrong. We train and care for our dogs to a very high standard, we would never leave them in an unfamiliar place with total strangers.
Just an example:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-65426170.amp

I have a much loved DDog, but would not be taking her to anything which could impact on a loved one’s health! I used to have a bad cat allergy( not asthma, but swollen red eyes and uncontrollable sneezing plus itchy mouth) and I remember too well how miserable it was.

I agree that outside is not fair to the DDogs, esp if they are not used to it.

You don't choose to have an allergy- but it's not fair for you to suffer unnecessarily.

What dog do you know that has to hunt for food like a wolf?

Mine thinks he does. He's particularly proud of his ability to hear the fridge door open from anywhere in the house.....

Not all dogs are suited to a kennel environment and many find it incredibly stressful, which in turn can make them quite unwell. If a dog is used to human company most of the day, it won't enjoy being locked up in kennels with minimal interaction from staff.

I also know of too many dogs who have come out of kennels with infections or bugs, and lots who have developed anxiety or other issues because they were on their own for huge portions of the day.

Obviously not all kennels are like that and obviously lots of dogs manage fine, but it's not the right environment for all of them. Mine goes to family or a home boarder - the only way I would ever put him in a kennel would be if I had absolutely no other choice.

I would tell dh to go and enjoy having the house to myself, probably have my friends round for a cocktail evening

Ps I am also severely allergic with asthma and have to exclude myself a lot - it is worse these days as dog ownership seen a huge surge recently, it does make life hard, you would hope family would take you in to consideration at least.

You absolutely cannot ask anyone to leave their dogs outside. Most dogs do not stay outside by themselves for a prolonged period of time, only dogs that are not being looked after properly or guard dogs do that.

You can, or rather your husband as it is his family, should ask if the dogs can be left behind , in kennels or whatever so that you can attend. Or failing that you stay somewhere else.

Whats the layout? Can dogs be excluded from the main rooms?
Is it touch related or will doggy people being in the room set it off?

There are options between “kennels” and “dog goes everywhere”. Obviously it is personal preference but there are other options.

I cannot imagine putting my dog above a family member’s health. I adore my dog but he’s an animal. He’s a member of the family but he’s an animal member and the humans come first. I don’t love him any less for saying that.

Let them off go off for their doggy weekend , and you book yourself into a spa for a night OP!

WINNER!!

YANBU. They are. They know you’re allergic, how selfish and thoughtless of them. I can’t believe your DH didn’t immediately say ‘well obviously the digs cannot be there for a house that we are also paying for, you know my wife is allergic’

OP has been ambiguous about payment. I suspect they’re not expected to pay.

People who love dogs cannot even consider the thought that not everyone loves dogs. I do not like dogs and have often missed out on events as there's dogs involved and me not liking them just seems to spoil it for people. They huff and puff at me not wanting to be licked or jumped up at.