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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 26/10/2023 19:08

That’s cheeky as fuck. You’re a kind and thoughtful person OP.

Scottishskifun · 26/10/2023 19:26

Yeah that's completely shitty behaviour!

Sadly there are some selfish people out there! I had it at a friend's hen do where the MOH basically organised a 2nd hendo for herself every activity was what she would do not the bride. The icing on the cake was when she tried to get everyone bar the bride to pay for her petrol and a expensive meal as she had done the planning.....that didn't wash thankfully and the other women laughed!

Lavender14 · 26/10/2023 19:30

Tbh I don't think you could have really addressed it with them about the bedrooms at any moment other than when bedrooms were being picked which you weren't there for. So it's crappy behaviour on their part but I don't think there's much you could do about it.

I think they should have still paid their cost for the two nights especially given the short notice drop. They knew how much it cost and had loads of time to say that they'd only be able to make it for one night. I get that the moh should have encouraged this but equally, if they pulled out altogether then that would increase the cost even more for everyone so she's maybe been worried about that.

They're cf but I'd ignore it for the brides sake.

KingsleyBorder · 26/10/2023 19:32

You told MOH it wasn’t on. Don’t give her the money. Let her cough up for enabling the cheeky fuckers.

Interesting how she was so happy to help the CFs save money but just assumed everyone else could pay more. How could she possibly know that?

KingsleyBorder · 26/10/2023 19:34

Perhaps the MOH should have been told that what she was suggesting was exactly the same as making every other guest give money in cash to the CFs. Surely she’d have seen how ridiculous that would be?

Zanatdy · 26/10/2023 19:49

The 2 ladies should have been told that it was too late to make changes like that as it would mean other people having to pay extra which is unfair so close to the event. I’m surprised none of the people on this hen do actually said anything and paid up. All very noble, but don’t let people walk all over you like this, disgusting they are then getting you to sleep on the sofa. Perhaps tomorrow you can ask them for some money given you got the sofa bed, as it wasn’t fair. It’s also pretty unfair to rent a property with a sofa bed without having some kind of fair way of allocating beds, first come, first served isn’t fair. Perhaps those on sofa beds pay less.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/10/2023 19:52

🤯

whynotwhatknot · 26/10/2023 20:00

i wouldnt have paid more so they can be reimbursed thats ridiculous

you pull out of something fine but yu still have to pay

Goldfishonabike · 26/10/2023 20:03

hen do’s are my worst nightmare. Never been to one I truly enjoyed, including my own, and all the fact around money and responsibilities that always comes along makes it even worse. Just grin and bear the pain of it and say no next time you’re invited to one!

Notimeforaname · 26/10/2023 20:04

People like that only get away with it because you dont speak up.

Fedupwitheveryone · 26/10/2023 20:24

ugh people are being ridiculous here. of course those two are in the wrong but OP is a decent friend to the bride and doesn't want the focus of hte weekend to be the argument - which it would turn into. Do you really think it's worth ruining her hen do by fighting about it?

If the costs involved are not massive and you can afford it, suck it up. these aren't friends you are ever likely to spend time with again.

Lesson for next time - make sure the terms are clear from the get go, and speak up then (but not this time, it's too late) Try to put it rest OP - bitch to you friend and then try to have fun

aloris · 26/10/2023 20:32

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 16:40

‘Janice and I have had a chat and decided that we’ll take the en-suite room. You’re only staying for the night so it makes more sense for you to have the pull out as it means we won’t have to change the bedding and move all shit twice - besides, we’ve paid full whack PLUS your share of the second night so we’ve literally paid for that space.’

Well said.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 26/10/2023 20:52

I bet they eve up staying the extra night.

Get your money back from the shit maid of honour and get a hotel.

MarryingMrDarcy · 26/10/2023 20:57

Fedupwitheveryone · 26/10/2023 20:24

ugh people are being ridiculous here. of course those two are in the wrong but OP is a decent friend to the bride and doesn't want the focus of hte weekend to be the argument - which it would turn into. Do you really think it's worth ruining her hen do by fighting about it?

If the costs involved are not massive and you can afford it, suck it up. these aren't friends you are ever likely to spend time with again.

Lesson for next time - make sure the terms are clear from the get go, and speak up then (but not this time, it's too late) Try to put it rest OP - bitch to you friend and then try to have fun

If this was my hen do and someone told me that two guests behaved like this, I’d want to know - I’d probably ask them to leave tbh, they sound like shitty people. And shitty people get away with this kind of nonsense because others don’t want to cause a fuss, or ‘ruin’ the weekend. What ruins things is people behaving poorly, NOT calling out poor behaviour.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/10/2023 21:14

Why on earth did you pay?!

I'd have said to them, to their faces 'you want us to pay MORE, to spend one night on a sofa bed and then one night in dirty sheets, because YOU'VE changed your mind last minute?!....'

And then just wait whilst it sink in how shitty that is.

Viviennemary · 26/10/2023 21:22

They are absolutely out of order. They should pay for the two nights. Total cfs. In fact if it was me I'd feel like going home and not bothering paying anything.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 26/10/2023 21:37

Totally our of order but completely understand that you don't wat to say anything to cause a row as the inlaws. I wouldn't have paid extra and csn guarantee you those two will be around most of tomorrow too.

Your poor brother of the bride is anything like her friends and the MOH.

ActDottie · 26/10/2023 21:46

Yanbu the cost should be split evenly between everyone regardless of the number of nights they’re staying given how short notice their announcement was.

Ellsmere · 26/10/2023 21:56

Presumably you and SiL will have to make up the pull out bed at the end of the evening. Have you ladies thought of leaving those two with the same task - you know, use the en suite to visit their room? They won’t want to make a fuss when everyone is tired, surely?

Stupidliefromfriend · 26/10/2023 22:00

They sound horrible. It's up to you whether you say something, you'd be totally justified. I probably wouldn't bother as the inevitable fallout would upset me more. That's just me however.

morbidd · 26/10/2023 22:04

For gods sake say something!

WhamBamThankU · 26/10/2023 22:05

I bet they stay 2 nights!

SlightlyJaded · 26/10/2023 22:12

I've seen some Cheeky Fuckery on here over the years, but this is up there.

I understand that you don't want to say anything to rock the boat and upset the bride, but I would ABSOLUTELY take one of the CFs aside and say that you and Maid of Honour are gobsmacked by their cheek and that you are not a mug and won't have the piss taken

Ask them why you should be picking up their bill and and taking the shit room? Ask them in what world that is fair.

Please speak up.

Therealjudgejudy · 26/10/2023 22:17

Outrageous. No way would I have paid extra...

Canisaysomething · 26/10/2023 22:18

the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night

I’ve been to enough hen dos to know that it really shouldn’t work like that. Shame on anyone who agreed to this.

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