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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
qotsa · 26/10/2023 16:28

I think I'd have been tempted to say "oh I didn't realise one night was an option and am a bit skint so I will do that too. How much do I owe now?"

AlwaysFreezing · 26/10/2023 16:32

Yeah, grow some balls. Tell them that they're having a laugh. It was annoying enough that you pulled a swift one with number of nights and cost, but to have the bedroom is taking the actual piss. Just tell them! They obviously dont care about being rude or upsetting people!

TerfTalking · 26/10/2023 16:33

Surely you book an Airbnb and it has to be paid in full x amount of weeks before attending? So they will already have paid their share for two nights?

if not, why not?

Kittycat43 · 26/10/2023 16:37

Outrageous if true. Do they not know how pre booked things work? Sheer cheek

Original poster
TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 16:38

TerfTalking · 26/10/2023 16:33

Surely you book an Airbnb and it has to be paid in full x amount of weeks before attending? So they will already have paid their share for two nights?

if not, why not?

We had all already paid and the additional £X amount we've all been charged is being given by maid of honour to the two friends to reimburse them for the night they've decided not to stay.

I do feel I've been a real mug here but I just want it to be perfect for the bride. I'll try and catch the two friends on their own for a quiet word but we're in a big group at the moment and I don't want to cause a scene.

OP posts:
Littlelucas · 26/10/2023 16:39

Good grief the brass neck of some people.

Your SIL or Whomever was in charge of organising this is to blame here - she shouldn’t have been such a wet lettuce and told them they either paid what was agreed or don’t bother coming. She has been cowardly and kowtowed to them putting the onus on the other hens to stump up the rest of the cost instead of telling these Cf’s to jog on.

It’s too late to do anything now but I would have to give them a piece of my mind personally!

OhComeOnFFS · 26/10/2023 16:39

There's no way they can say everyone else has to pay if they're staying for a shorter time. That wasn't in the agreement.

Given you're there for longer, you should have the proper bed, otherwise you'll have to sleep on their sheets.

Stand your ground, OP!

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 16:40

‘Janice and I have had a chat and decided that we’ll take the en-suite room. You’re only staying for the night so it makes more sense for you to have the pull out as it means we won’t have to change the bedding and move all shit twice - besides, we’ve paid full whack PLUS your share of the second night so we’ve literally paid for that space.’

topnoddy · 26/10/2023 16:40

I'd decide not to stay any night and get my money back as well

tinytemper66 · 26/10/2023 16:42

I would just say no. I am paying what was agreed and tell them to Piss off. If you can't. Do that tell them tou get the better room or you won't pay the full amount.

tinytemper66 · 26/10/2023 16:43

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 16:17

So just for background. Maid of honour text us 2 days ago and said we now owed an addition £X amount as these two friends are only staying one night now to save money. SIL and I discussed and decided to suck it up and pay and also cover bride's additional amount (as she's tight on money, has anexity and we didn't want her to worry about any of this) but told maid of honour we thought it wasn't on.

We are from groom's side and don't know anyone except bride. I feel like the bedroom situation is a real slap in the face from these friends and disappointed the maid of honour hasn't stepped in. The friend's have really marked their territory in bedroom - stuff everywhere.

I feel like I've missed my moment to say something now - I should of said it when they told us we were on sofa bed. This thread has made me feel much better though so thanks for cheering me up.

I wouldn't have paid. You get the better room or kick off. I wouldn't care what occasion it is. I wouldn't be putting up with that shit

Cotton55 · 26/10/2023 16:45

wildwestpioneer · 26/10/2023 15:58

Why are they no longer paying? If they agreed the full amount they can't expect to pay less and make everyone else pay more if they've changed their minds

Exactly this.
It should not affect you if they pull out at the last minute. You agreed to pay X amount for your share of the accommodation.I wouldn't be paying a penny more. Did anyone actually come to you and say "now that X and Y aren't coming, you and the others have cover their extra cost"? I mean that's bullshit. Has anyone mentioned anything to them with regards to them not paying what they had previously agreed?
With regards to the bedroom, say jokingly, "eh, not a chance! We're here for 2 nights. No one is sleeping your your bedsheets for the 2nd night"

NalafromtheLionKing · 26/10/2023 16:45

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 16:38

We had all already paid and the additional £X amount we've all been charged is being given by maid of honour to the two friends to reimburse them for the night they've decided not to stay.

I do feel I've been a real mug here but I just want it to be perfect for the bride. I'll try and catch the two friends on their own for a quiet word but we're in a big group at the moment and I don't want to cause a scene.

Show quote history

Have you paid her? If not, don’t and offer to stay just one night too.

WaitTheNoo · 26/10/2023 16:46

I am actually raging on your behalf 😂!! You have to say something. I understand not wanting to kick off but what planet do you have to be on to think other people will want to sleep in your dirty sheets (especially after what I assume is a night of drinking!!).

Cheeky bastards. Please don't put up with it.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 26/10/2023 16:46

On the morning of the second day I suggest you get up early, march into their bedroom loudly declaring how glad you are the room is now yours as the fold out bed has meant you had a bad nights sleep. You can then proceed to put your belongings away whilst removing theirs and leaving in a heap. Of course the bedding will need a good airing before you use it so they will need to get up so that can be done. Any protests can be met by a puzzled look as you say "but I understood you were only paying for the one night?"

dapsnotplimsolls · 26/10/2023 16:47

Make sure they fuck right off at 10am tomorrow.

dapsnotplimsolls · 26/10/2023 16:47

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 26/10/2023 16:46

On the morning of the second day I suggest you get up early, march into their bedroom loudly declaring how glad you are the room is now yours as the fold out bed has meant you had a bad nights sleep. You can then proceed to put your belongings away whilst removing theirs and leaving in a heap. Of course the bedding will need a good airing before you use it so they will need to get up so that can be done. Any protests can be met by a puzzled look as you say "but I understood you were only paying for the one night?"

You beat me to it!

Peoplemakemedespair · 26/10/2023 16:50

Following to see if they actually leave tomorrow 👀

DontKnowWhatToDoHelpPlease · 26/10/2023 16:50

That's appalling behaviour from them!

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 16:50

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 16:40

‘Janice and I have had a chat and decided that we’ll take the en-suite room. You’re only staying for the night so it makes more sense for you to have the pull out as it means we won’t have to change the bedding and move all shit twice - besides, we’ve paid full whack PLUS your share of the second night so we’ve literally paid for that space.’

This. The bride doesn't need to be involved.

These CFs are the ones causing the issue, not you.

Brefugee · 26/10/2023 16:52

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 16:38

We had all already paid and the additional £X amount we've all been charged is being given by maid of honour to the two friends to reimburse them for the night they've decided not to stay.

I do feel I've been a real mug here but I just want it to be perfect for the bride. I'll try and catch the two friends on their own for a quiet word but we're in a big group at the moment and I don't want to cause a scene.

Show quote history

I would go into the room and dump all their stuff out and move myself in (i am petty, I'd get in the bed naked if i had to)
Pity you've paid - because i wouldn't have. And i would be pointing out to anyone who listens that it's the 2 "Friends" who have dumped the bride in it, not you.

FrontEnd · 26/10/2023 16:53

Wow, definitely don't accept a demand to subsidise an unfulfilled committment made by these cheeky fuckers. I'd also ask, if everything is now negotiable(!) for 50% as you're apparently expected to forgive a proper bed. Unbelievably rude and cowardly of the MoH to let this happen.

123sunshine · 26/10/2023 16:56

People are absolute arseholes. You are in a no win situation as any confrontation risks spoiling the weekend for the hen. I would just ignore the women and make the best of it and chalking up to experience.

A few years back I was part of a group trying to organise a girls weekend away for a significant birthday year, air b & b type property was being looked at, a couple of the girls didn’t want the pay the full amount and though it was ok to only pay for the 1 night they could attend, like the women in your group. Many of my group didn’t want to rock the boat, i on the other hand got fed up of the backwards and forwards of the messages and the sheer check so just wished them all well on their weekend but I would not be joining them. Funny enough the weekend never went ahead. Girls/women are notoriously tight, can’t stand it!

Princessbananahamock · 26/10/2023 16:58

I would be saving my next poop for their en-suite and leaving the toilet door ajar.

Angrymum22 · 26/10/2023 17:00

I would drink to excess then crash out in one of the beds having throw up all over the en suite.