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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
Justbefore · 26/10/2023 22:21

Ugh. They’re bullies, you got bullied. What a shame. Ordinarily I’d say call it out but being groom’s guests who only know the bride is very awkward.

I’m shocked people are refunding the fuckers but don’t see anything you can do now.

Redskyatwhatever · 26/10/2023 22:36

Who booked the accommodation? In a different scenario with no CF everyone would have paid the same and 2 of the people would have had a pull out sofa rather than a proper bed that hardly seems fair. I would have refused to go back at the start if there wasn’t a proper bed for everyone.

Notsuredontknow · 26/10/2023 22:46

They sound absolutely awful and you are all such good friends to be putting up with this for the bride - not sure I’d be able to! At least you only have to be around them for one night, I bet everyone says what they really think once they’ve gone! Honestly they sound so entitled OP, you are in no way being unreasonable.

Mylittlepea · 26/10/2023 23:14

Cheeky fuckery of the highest order!

Original poster
TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 23:37

Update.

We decided to wait and see if there would be a quiet moment where we could ask to swap but the two friends have got really hammered now. Seems like any request could easily end in a scene.

SIL and I decided to set up the fold out bed before going out so at least we'd have somewhere to sleep. Turns out it's broken and also has no bedding to go with it. We asked all the girls apart from bride if they could share some bedding with us and all said no. So we have no pillows, sheets or duvets. Luckily I have a blanket in the car but these girls just seem so cold and selfish.

We've also found out that 4 more bride friends will be joining the Airbnb tomorrow just for the day as they didn't want to pay for accommodation but happy to hang here all day and use facilities (e.g pool, hot tub).

Lastly, bride's sister has brought a load of booze (no prior discussion) that's she's trying to charge us for. We've brought our own as MOH told us this was the plan so we politely declined and it went down really badly.

At this point I'm just going to try to enjoy the night with bride and SIL and will be avoiding bride's friends at the wedding.

OP posts:
Happyasapiginmuck1 · 26/10/2023 23:39

Get them out by 10am and tell them to not forget to strip the bed and get your sheets on the bed by 10.01am! Push their stuff into a pile and take over the room you've paid for.

LemonTreeSkies · 26/10/2023 23:39

Once I was safe to drive, I’d be driving myself and SiL home. The money has gone anyway so why spend more time with a bunch of selfish arseholes than you need to.

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 26/10/2023 23:41

Just read you have no bedding! Get in touch with the host asap, that's not on.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 26/10/2023 23:42

Oh my goodness, that's awful. I'd just go home tomorrow if it was me. What a bunch of cheeky fucker chancers.

Redskyatwhatever · 26/10/2023 23:45

Honestly, I’d just leave as soon as I could it’s a total shit show right now and it’s only going to get worse. Fake being unwell as a reason to leave if you don’t want to upset the bride, but if I were you I’d just be honest and say it’s a total fuck up and that you are being financially ripped off to subsidise for any CF who cares to show up.

Milarky · 26/10/2023 23:49

Blimey! What a mess! Complete and utter CFs.

I think the only way is for you and SIL to leave tomorrow. Family emergency.

You can't cause a scene it's not worth it.

Well done you both for being so calm and not
Spoiling the bride's hen do.

I know it's not sure spoiling it but you know what I mean.

Shame you can't drive home now. It's going to be a long cold night.

angieloumc · 26/10/2023 23:53

I'd be going home tonight if I could, never mind waiting for the morning.

therealcookiemonster · 26/10/2023 23:56

oh my gosh. these girls sound awful. you are being way nicer than I would have been. firstly, I have a policy to not share accommodation arrangements unless it's someone I know really really well. and the minute I was told there would be no proper bed, I would have have left and stayed in a nearby hotel or just gone back home. but I am a ruthless old bag. i think you've gone past the 'avoiding a scene threshold' at this point. if I were you, I would leave in the morning.

Sprinkles08 · 26/10/2023 23:58

Oh...my...God! I can't quite believe what I've just read...especially your update! I feel so sorry for you, hen parties can be awful 😪

My friends was earlier this year - I only stayed 2 nights out of the 3 but I still paid the same price as everyone else - I can't believe the 2 girls on the hen with you have asked for money back for not staying both nights!!! And the friends just coming in the day to use the facilities....WOW.

Sorry again you're going through this, but it will be over soon and you'll be glad you didn't cause a scene for the bride. I actually feel sorry for the bride having to put up with these people as her "friends" - if it was my hen I'd be MORTIFIED if my friends treated people like this!!!

Hugs....ps I'd be in the garden tonight collecting worms and spiders to throw into their bed during the night lol x

Angelou79 · 26/10/2023 23:59

What a bunch of bitches! I’d be tempted to steal the en-suite or start a row! Good luck & fair play to your loveliness.X

khlomoney · 27/10/2023 00:12

I would just go home tbh you’re not welcome are you? They’re not very kind to you

Bristoluser · 27/10/2023 00:12

You can't sleep somewhere with no bedding!

Bristoluser · 27/10/2023 00:13

Seriously if they don't all share their bedding then you need to the bride that you can't sleep if there's no bedding and so have to go home

Mikimoto · 27/10/2023 00:16

Say you're also NOT sleeping there tomorrow night, so also want the one-night discount, but that you'll also be using the "day facilities" till 9pm!

ImustLearn2Cook · 27/10/2023 00:18

Pour yourself a glass of wine (or whatever drinks you brought with you), jump into that hot tub and relax. Take advantage of as much of the ammenities as you possibly can. Get your money’s worth, thank your lucky stars that you are not a cheeky fuck bitch like them, and you and SIL take a long time in the bathroom. Have super long showers, use up the hot water and don’t give a second thought to the cfs.

If I was the bride I would be saying something if my MoH and friends behaved like that.

You’re doing the right thing by not making a scene. But, make sure you make the best out of this situation to make it as enjoyable for yourself and SIL as you possibly can.

khlomoney · 27/10/2023 00:20

i know hindsight isn’t necessarily useful, but I think I would have kicked up a fuss as soon as they said you owe more money due to people pulling out. It just seemed to be a sign of the disrespect heading your way and that the hen was not worth your time nor effort.

ginnyginnygin · 27/10/2023 00:23

Are you sure everyone in the party had to pay the extra for these two dropping out of a night? After this treatment is wonder if they only asked you and SIL for the extra money and are swindling you both.

GreigeO · 27/10/2023 00:24

My god, they sound awful!!!

Angrymum22 · 27/10/2023 00:27

I’d be asking the MOH for a refund tomorrow. No bed and no bed linen means a refund in my book.
Alternatively if SIL doesn’t mind sharing I’d would just crash out in one of the double rooms.
I can’t believe you are being treated so dreadfully when you have paid for the weekend.

roibustea · 27/10/2023 00:33

Is the bride really completely oblivious to all this?! I'd be furious if my friends were treating my guests this way. Do you actually like each other or can you not just fuck off and leave her to her harpies...