Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lovemycat2023 · 26/10/2023 17:57

I think it’s interesting when people say they hate confrontation. Who does actually like it? I can guarantee the CFs don’t, and just rely on others to avoid it. But sometimes you have to confront someone to avoid feeling pretty shit about yourself. You do it calmly, and when you’re in the right, and then you feel better even if you don’t come out as the victor.

Catastrophejane · 26/10/2023 17:58

Can’t believe the CF-ery of this!

most of the hen do arguments I’ve experienced have been people tripping over themselves to take the sofa bed/bunk bed as don’t want to be seen as rude and taking best room.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 26/10/2023 18:00

I wouldn't be paying anymore. Hasn't it already been paid for anyway? If they can't afford the two nights they should've said earlier.
And yes they're CF taking the best rooms.

BodegaSushi · 26/10/2023 18:01

Maid of honour text us 2 days ago and said we now owed an addition £X amount as these two friends are only staying one night now to save money.

That's where it went wrong, what should have been said was 'that's not how this works'.

Also, having organised many similar types of stays away, I've always had the full payment upfront, as soon as the booking is made. That way if anyone decides to be flakey, I can cancel the whole trip as you tend to have a decent cancellation policy (or I only book places that do).

It sounds like payment was only expected just before the trip? Is this normal? Very badly organised.

TolkiensFallow · 26/10/2023 18:02

I can’t believe this! Outrageous behaviour.

WaltzingWaters · 26/10/2023 18:06

If they’d said from the get go they could only afford one night you could work it out. But to drop out of a night last minute and expect the money back, then take the good room!!! Hell no!!! Someone definitely should have said something. They shouldn’t be getting money off for their last minute change. And they sure as hell shouldn’t be taking the good room after they have been allowed to get money back at your expense.
I’m seething on your behalf!!!

LoobyDop · 26/10/2023 18:07

You’ve left it too late now- if they’re prepared to be so blatantly rude and grabby, they won’t back down if confronted, and you’re right that the weekend would be ruined. This is why hen dos are shit, especially if you’re from the groom’s side. You’ve basically been invited to something you don’t really want to go to, by people who don’t really want you there, and all of you go along with it for the sake of someone whose opinion you never ask because somehow that would spoil it.

Movinghouseatlast · 26/10/2023 18:10

Absolutely totally out of order and SO rude of them. I can't believe people would actually think this was OK.

Don't sleep in their sheets, take the sheets you have slept in off the sofa bed and use them.

God, they sound like horrible people. Or really thick.

MsRosley · 26/10/2023 18:19

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 16:40

‘Janice and I have had a chat and decided that we’ll take the en-suite room. You’re only staying for the night so it makes more sense for you to have the pull out as it means we won’t have to change the bedding and move all shit twice - besides, we’ve paid full whack PLUS your share of the second night so we’ve literally paid for that space.’

This.

Soapyspuds · 26/10/2023 18:20

Forget about the beds. They should be paying for the second night. The costs were based on that assumption,

FannyFifer · 26/10/2023 18:24

They are taking the absolute piss.

SheilaWilde · 26/10/2023 18:27

Cheeky fuckers! I'd put itching powder in their bed and a stink bomb for good measure. Also, some fake plastic spiders placed on the sheets.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/10/2023 18:27

I can’t believe you complied and paid up after you saw they’d bagged the best room.

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 26/10/2023 18:31

There is really no end to the CFery you read about on here sometimes. God it's good to be menopausal. I'd never stand for this shit (but I'd never agree to a hen do like this in the first place...).

dicedicebaby · 26/10/2023 18:31

Tbh I wouldn't have allowed that to happen (not referring to you personally but whoever booked/arranged it should've said "the cost is being split 6 ways however long you stay")

User1789 · 26/10/2023 18:33

I would want to know why a unilateral decision to reimburse them was made in the first place?

The best room/pullout bed shit is cuntyfuckery, but nobody had to agree to letting them pay less for a one night stay, when it doesn't actually cost less for them to do that.

Thegoodbadandugly · 26/10/2023 18:35

Sorry I would speak up they are totally taking the piss.

Cosycover · 26/10/2023 18:35

After a few drinks in me I'd not be able to stop myself from saying something.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/10/2023 18:39

We had all already paid and the additional £X amount we've all been charged is being given by maid of honour to the two friends to reimburse them for the night they've decided not to stay

I don't understand why the maid of honour has reimbursed them at all, and certainly not before asking if others would be prepared to cover the extra

Since she has though, I'd have simply said "sorry but can't I afford any more" and left her to sort the mess she created

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 26/10/2023 18:47

This is like the difference between trying to save money at a restaurant by just ordering a small/cheap dish (absolutely fine) and trying to save money by ordering a slap-up meal and then deliberately leaving half of it and expecting not to be charged for the wasted food (massive CF).

CatNoBag · 26/10/2023 18:48

Just decide to have an early night and get into the nicer bed. They can try to bunk in with you if they want, but I’d be going for knocked out starfish style with those occasional half dreaming jumps if they tried it.

MeridianB · 26/10/2023 18:51

Sorry Op, but you really should take a stand right now on their room. Get the MOH to help.

Because it’s really outrageous behaviour and should have been stopped. Tell them to move out now. Who wants to sleep in a stranger’s bed linen?

MarryingMrDarcy · 26/10/2023 19:01

Just… wow! This is CF-ery on a different level. This is like professional CF-ery. The maid of honour is being spineless as well: you’ve all paid on the basis of splitting it up a certain way only to be told those two have changed their minds and therefore you have to pay more? Get in the bin! You might equally not be able to afford the extra, who the hell makes that kind of assumption? Literally f*ck these people.

Mynewnameis · 26/10/2023 19:03

She reimbursed them wow. You are too kind.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 26/10/2023 19:04

Just go to sleep in their room when they are not looking...