Or is this hen do behaviour a bit off?

478 replies

TheMadHattter · 26/10/2023 15:28

I've just arrived at a hen do that has been arranged and booked for months. 2 days ago a couple of the bride's friends said they are only staying for one night now so it will cheaper for them - however as it's an Airbnb the overall cost has not changed so the remaining 6 of us have had to chip in to make up the difference for them pulling out of the second night.

I was already a bit miffed about this and now I've just arrived and the two friends who have done this have claimed a bedroom with double bed and ensuite. They have said me and SIL can have that bedroom tomorrow night once they leave and until then we can sleep on the fold out bed in the lounge. I know usually it's first come first served and we were the last to arrive, but as they've pulled out and made it more expensive for everyone else I think they should be on the fold out bed. I don't particularly want to sleep in their dirty sheets either.

I don't know these friends and I don't want to spoil it for the bride so I've just gone along with it but inside I'm pretty annoyed and just think this is rude behaviour. AIBU?

OP posts:

MargotBamborough · 30/10/2023 09:33

Emotionalsupportviper · 30/10/2023 08:38

I’m petty so I would have ghosted the WhatsApp chat and enjoyed with my popcorn!

I'm not on WhatsApp, and am old and also technologically inept, but if "ghosted" means that I could watch something going on without anyone knowing I was there, my word I would do that!

Bearing in mind that "people who eavesdrop never hear good of themselves" though, I'd have to steel myself because they would all be complaining about me only drinking gin and bovril and going to bed at 8.00 clock. or whatever.

But then I would pop up and very publicly say ""WHERE IS MY MONEY? GIVE ME MY MONEY!" just for the hell of it.

However, I think that @TheMadHattter has behaved in the best way - sometimes being grown up about things is best in the long run.

I find it hard to take the "This is personal" out of the equation, and stand back and think "What is going to give me the best relationship with this person, who I like very much ?" and go from there.

After all OP doesn't ever need to see the bride's horrible friends ever again, but she will need to have a good relationship with the bride who is a family member (I think).

I think this is right, unfortunately.

I would be privately furious about it, but I'd probably take the view that I'd never have to see these women again after the wedding, whereas having a good relationship with the bride going forward is important.

Her friends sound very immature and not very nice, and if the bride is on the young side to be getting married it may be that her friends will either grow up a bit over the coming years, or they will become less important to her and she will make new friends.

Incidentally, on every hen do I've been on, the hens have covered the bride's costs and all the bride has had to do is show up. I can't believe the poor bride not only had to pay her own costs but also subsidised her freeloading "friends".

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 30/10/2023 10:50

OP you have managed this with such class. Fair play to you 👏

As a side, I always think in these types of situations it's easy to cut the bride too much slack. I'm not saying it's a stressful time and she has lots on her mind but having been there and done it I would be very pissed off if some of my friends acted like this. Maybe afterwards but I would want to know. It's disrespectful and entitled.

Stupidliefromfriend · 30/10/2023 15:02

I feel sorry for the bride. She only had two of her own friends willing to pay yet six who showed up to freeload. I bet she feels embarrassed.

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