To not want to look after my mum

[Overthebow]

My parents moved abroad when I was in my twenties. I don’t have any close by family in the UK and when they left I wasn’t in a good place mentally. They’ve visited a couple of times a year, but we aren’t close now and they don’t have a close relationship with my dc either as they barely know them. We don't speak much. Now it’s just my mum, and although I’ve suggested it she does not want to move back to the UK currently. She does however think she might move back when she’s older so she can get help from family (me), and won’t be elderly alone. She’s even hinted at living with us.

Aibu to think that actually, I don’t really want to help when she’s older and I definitely don’t want her living with us? I could have really used her help and support over the years, especially now when I have young children, but she’s never been interested in helping me.

YANBU op! I always see threads were people are berated for expecting their parents to help them out with their dc or even just take an interest/ acknowledge them fairly. The line is usually “they’ve done their time”🙄 I always think this is in poor taste. If your mum never helped or bothered with your family she definitely shouldn’t be expecting you to look after her in later life and live with you! Pah- the cheek!

I see where you're coming from OP.

This 100%.

There is a middle ground but there is no chance that I will be providing personal care. I do not have the temperament but I will absolutely make sure that my parents have the best care.

From a cultural standpoint the UK has moved away from women, relative only carers as they have been pushed to work up to the age of 67. Everyone should be planning for their senior years care and communicating those plans to relatives, so everyone is clear about what the plans are.