parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

We are more like you.
Our kids all wanted careers that required degrees and so we supported them.
Ultimately it was and should be their choice, but given that’s the direction they chose we went with it.

Perhaps your friends kids weren’t interested or couldn’t. Either way as they move forward I would support them in whatever way we can.

Uni is expensive and the full maintenance loan rarely covers everything given the huge hike in rent but most ( from our experience ) kids get a job these days to supplement the loan. If you’re earning too much for your kids to get the full loan many parents struggle to top it up, that’s where it becomes financially difficult for parents. Perhaps OP that was the case with your friends. Or perhaps they decided they were done with supporting their kids financially and wanted to have the money for themselves. That’s their choice but I believe they are potentially restricting their children’s opportunities.

I am very well aware of what the Boomers are categorised as, thank you!

Travel is an education OP.

Why has the Boomer comment been deleted? Leave it there and let people see what a stupid comment the pp made.

MNHQ are far too quick to remove comments.

Oh give it a rest. Same agenda on every thread.

Crikey, you’ve perfectly illustrated how abuse/neglect is continued through the generations. Your mum was wrong and you know this, and yet you’re saying that all young people should be made to fend for themselves. She’s made you harsh and bitter.

Uni is not something that 10 years ago to now very much feels different ..

The amount of debt they leave with imo means unless it is a career that requires a uni course I wouldn’t be encouraging .

Ah sure I see that kind of carry on all the time, parents of kids all ages make all sorts of choices that would make my eyes roll, if I gave a shit.
As far as im concerned, once you not putting your fags out on them (I say tongue in cheek obvs), then its up to you how the heck you parent or not.
I have found that with those kind, they usually mean, I couldnt have everything i wanted myself AND send her to UNI, so Im afraid UNI got kicked to touch.
Same as the mother who stood at the school gate ranting that we should have free books cos she couldnt afford them, but happily spent 4 nights a week in our local.

People make their own choices. I make mine.
Once Im happy with mine, thats all that matters. Its quite freeing.

if people think supporting their children is being a martyr, they shouldn't have children in the first place

Oh for Gods sake..

You don't have to ' Put your kid through University ' in this country.

We are not in the USA with college funds

I find it exasperating how many parents are ignorant as to how student finance works and how the ' debt' is managed when they graduate.

You can give little Archie an allowance if you wish to, but there's no need to be on bread and water yourself for 4 years.

We lucky we are in wales where they get the same with a mix of loan and grant and % dependent on parental income.

In England there is an expected parental contribution to bring them to min expected figures- put figure and in England we'd have been expect to contribution about £14000 - which we'd have just managed as we did save from young age for them - but many have to do without that as many parents seem taken aback they are expected to contribute.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/

I funded university completely by myself (including a car which was a requirement of my course) and graduated in 2016. I managed just fine and didn’t want for anything, even went on holidays abroad funded by working in a hotel and working holidays. I supported myself through the holidays too, no staying with parents.

Why do people seem to think it’s a choice of your parents pay or you don’t go? Sure it is harder than having everything paid for but it wasn’t unmanageable.

Same here. It's being a responsible parent.

Unfortunately, I think the OP mentioning Uni is causing people to miss the point. It's not all about Uni, it's about all life choices/options really. From birth into and through adulthood too.

Initially I voted YABU but then changed to YANBU. I come from a family with very little focus on education. I see that extending into the next generation and it's gutting but ultimately not much I can do except offer advice when asked.

I have a very good career but think I could have done a lot more had my parents understood the value of going to university etc.

Who's going to hire you for having 'travel experience'.

OP: would do the same for the other two if that's what they want.

cue a ridiculous amount of posters who haven't bothered reading going on about how Uni is not the answer to everything.😂

Probably the same posters who boast about their "more than a pair of toothbrush for Christmas will spoil the kids for life", and "proudly kick my kids out at 18 so they learn the real world"- while moaning about other parents giving a boost to their kids by helping them buy their first property.

It's MN 😂

Absolutely not as easy as that. They ask for proof, and you have to have been estranged for a certain amount of time. 'Estranged' doesn't mean 'they don't want to help financially'.

So many variables here.

I know parents who have gone without to help their child through uni and they've spent 3 years partying and left without even getting a degree.

I'd rather spend my money on holidays than that!! So it depends on the DC really.

Also most need to get a job to help support themselves unless the course is very intensive.

I think it depends - people may well not be able to afford 50k plus on fees and rent over three years but be able to afford a £2k holiday once a year - stopping the latter wouldn’t mean they could afford the former necessarily. If they’re actually loaded then I get you, but equally this could be a “cutting out the lattes won’t get me a house deposit” situation.

Unfortunately, I think the OP mentioning Uni is causing people to miss the point. It's not all about Uni, it's about all life choices/options really. From birth into and through adulthood too.

I do know parenst who expect kids to move out at 18 and paying high rents out of low wages does mean it's harder to build saving pay for education and get on in life not impossible just harder and I do think increasingly so.

Yes, I really am about this topic. I have seen so many kids' lives torpedoed by older relatives and Daily Mail types who have insisted that further education/training isn't necessary. It's never based on facts. It's always about the older relatives' own insecurities.

It would be nice if it were still possible to leave school and have a comfortable life without having to gain further qualifications/skills, but we don't and it's not fair to kids to limit their options by pretending we do. The older generations live in a completely different world. Even those WITH good qualifications in fields like Engineering struggle to afford housing and childcare these days. Those without qualifications need to hope their parents will house them.

Just because it's not the way you do things doesn't mean others are wrong. Anyway there are student loans and students can get a part-time job if theynarebthat hard up.

That’s not how University is financed.
Every student gets a student loan for the fees…..
Every student gets the minimum maintenance student loan….
Neither of these are based on parents earnings.

It is only the maximum maintenance loan that is based on parents earnings. If you earn too much students don’t get it and parents need to top up,

Op there have always been parents who prioritise themselves over their kids and there always will be. And not just for education, where they’d rather a holiday than help their kid, but from when they are born, often even before.

All you can do is rhe best for yours, and leave it there.

Depends on where you live.