Page 16 | parents living the high life

nearlyemptynes · 2023-10-25T11:15:05+00:00

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

jhy · 27/10/2023 16:54

A holiday compared to supporting many years throughout uni is completely different. Nothing to do with priorities

MrsPetty · 27/10/2023 17:45

I’m only paying for university for my DDs if it’s part of a career path that they’re pursuing. If they don’t have a clear career objective I’m not paying for them to kick back for three years for a 2:2 🙄

Lastchancechica · 27/10/2023 18:55

MrsPetty · 27/10/2023 17:45

I’m only paying for university for my DDs if it’s part of a career path that they’re pursuing. If they don’t have a clear career objective I’m not paying for them to kick back for three years for a 2:2 🙄

How do you expect them to have this at 16?! Most students discover their career path later

CornishClott · 27/10/2023 19:14

MrsPetty · 27/10/2023 17:45

I’m only paying for university for my DDs if it’s part of a career path that they’re pursuing. If they don’t have a clear career objective I’m not paying for them to kick back for three years for a 2:2 🙄

What's wrong with a 2.2 ?

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:23

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 08:22

No parents don’t have a responsibility to pay for uni, that’s what student loans are for, yes if I had tons of spare cash I would pay for my DC uni and house etc but it I’d just got enough to go on holiday then that’s what we do. It’s not the same as the responsibility to feed and clothe a child

It's not like that. Students don't get an adequate amount of money to pay for accommodation and live on, if they only qualify for the minimum loan!!

We've supported 3 kids through uni. Two of them by living at home free of charge. Third moved away. We had supermarket shops delivered to them, and also gave cash. You can't watch your own child struggle, surely? I quite like mine to be fed and watered, and be reasonably comfortable.

There's too many people out there who don't understand the challenges young people face. All three of mine need a degree for their chosen careers, and I will do whatever it takes to support them.

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:24

jhy · 27/10/2023 16:54

A holiday compared to supporting many years throughout uni is completely different. Nothing to do with priorities

A few grand on a holiday is a lot of food shops for your student DC!!

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:25

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2023 08:58

What’s wrong with the kids getting a loan and a job in the holidays so that’s it’s not up to parents to fund it all and then parents can have nice treats for themselves as well

?

What about when they are doing all that and it's still not enough?!

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:28

TigerQueenie · 27/10/2023 13:28

I don't really give a shit if you believe me or not. I'm not at work at the same time as studying. There's 120 awake hours in my week which is plenty of time to fit everything in. Perhaps you aren't very good at time management?

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I am excellent at time management, but I am here to tell you that you cannot be doing a full-time course and working full-time. Perhaps you're not very good at comprehension?

Antst · 27/10/2023 19:29

Doteycat · 27/10/2023 15:54

Of course it is, as is media studies and events management.
The ignorance is astounding.

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I have a PhD in something I'm sure you'd approve of and think you need to hold up before calling other people "ignorant"!

The UK is notorious for throwing its kids away on dead-end, low-paid, and unstable jobs while stealing graduates educated at the expense of other countries' taxpayers to do skilled work and have decent lives. Only a generation or two ago, hardly anyone went to university. Finally we've woken up to the reality that we're being left far behind because our economy doesn't generate wealth and decent jobs. It's about on property and tourism.

In this century, we need an educated workforce and educated voters. It is not reasonable to throw kids whose parents have no experience of university into majors that require preparation and privilege for success. Yes, we should be educating more mathematicians and engineers, but that won't happen by throwing kids into courses they're not prepared for. Anyone who takes psychology or media studies will learn how to study and write and construct an argument and those are useful skills. They're also skills they can teach their kids and maybe their kids will have enough familiarity with education that they can branch out into other majors.

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:34

coffeeaddict77 · 27/10/2023 14:59

Wise up yourself. No I didn't live in London. I can't comment on the cost of travel to all countries but that doesn't mean it was expensive to go anywhere and you don't have to fly in order to travel. Europe was very accessible by train and cheap via interrail cards. That might not have been any good for you if you lived overseas but we aren't talking about you personally. You might not have liked exams but again we aren't just talking about you. Many people prefer them. Technology may have increased some opportunities but has certainly removed others.

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I am 60 and I know how expensive travel used to be when I was a student, and regional airports had flights to limited destination. That is my lived experience, and I am sure that of other people too. I am talking about me personally, but I know for a fact that my generation did not travel half as widely as this generation does.

I did like exams because I had a great exam technique if I say so myself. They suited me, but it was brutal when I had 11 3 hour exam papers in just over a week for my finals. My children's experiences have been different. They aren't as good at doing exams. I can do it either way and have done.

I fail to see what technology has removed from education.

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:48

TheCompactPussycat · 27/10/2023 15:52

Hmm. I suspect you are being a little disingenuous - it sounds like you might have been studying for an OU/ correspondence degree to me. Fine, but not what most students studying full-time at university are doing. Most students would find it tricky to work full-time for an employer during the day whilst simultaneously attending a lecture at 11am, a seminar at 2pm and a tutorial at 4pm. If your full-time degree allows you to choose which hours you use to study then yes, you can study in the evenings and also work full-time during the day. If your full-time degree actually expects you to attend lectures, seminars and tutorials at times during the day dictated by academic staff then you won't be able to also work during the day.

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She's talking out of her backside. It's impossible. She can't be that bright!!

fuzzleberry · 27/10/2023 19:59

No not unreasonable

I always find it astonishing the number of parents driving expensive cards but using cheap(er) forward facing car seats

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 20:24

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 19:23

It's not like that. Students don't get an adequate amount of money to pay for accommodation and live on, if they only qualify for the minimum loan!!

We've supported 3 kids through uni. Two of them by living at home free of charge. Third moved away. We had supermarket shops delivered to them, and also gave cash. You can't watch your own child struggle, surely? I quite like mine to be fed and watered, and be reasonably comfortable.

There's too many people out there who don't understand the challenges young people face. All three of mine need a degree for their chosen careers, and I will do whatever it takes to support them.

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I’d help them if they were genuinely struggling, of course. I however don’t think it’s a parents obligation to support their children financially through university. The country and employers need skilled and educated people and personally think it’s rubbish that the state and employers don’t support that. It makes me fume to hear about skills shortages when so many obstacles are put in peoples way. My DC have had to consider whether going to university is feasible for them under this ridiculous system and the pros and cons. We encourage them in that context. I went to uni but there doesn’t seem much point these days. By the time you’ve got children your barely any better off on 30-50k than if you were on universal credit and getting COL, childcare helps etc (have been in both boats) Probably quite different attitude among the wealthier mums netters as they more see the benefit of university. Personally though I don’t see even those people as generally any happier than people I care for who are just getting by

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 20:42

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 20:24

I’d help them if they were genuinely struggling, of course. I however don’t think it’s a parents obligation to support their children financially through university. The country and employers need skilled and educated people and personally think it’s rubbish that the state and employers don’t support that. It makes me fume to hear about skills shortages when so many obstacles are put in peoples way. My DC have had to consider whether going to university is feasible for them under this ridiculous system and the pros and cons. We encourage them in that context. I went to uni but there doesn’t seem much point these days. By the time you’ve got children your barely any better off on 30-50k than if you were on universal credit and getting COL, childcare helps etc (have been in both boats) Probably quite different attitude among the wealthier mums netters as they more see the benefit of university. Personally though I don’t see even those people as generally any happier than people I care for who are just getting by

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The govt think it is the obligation of parents - which is the problem.

I don't think anyone over the age of 18 should be financed according their parents' income.

I loved my time at uni and wouldn't have missed out on the experience for the world. My children have enjoyed it too (though perhaps not quite to the extent that I did....lol!)

Merseymum992 · 27/10/2023 21:06

That's a load of rubbish, even the website states that you are "expected not to work". That doesn't mean you can't. They have absolutely no way of preventing anyone from working!

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 21:07

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 20:42

The govt think it is the obligation of parents - which is the problem.

I don't think anyone over the age of 18 should be financed according their parents' income.

I loved my time at uni and wouldn't have missed out on the experience for the world. My children have enjoyed it too (though perhaps not quite to the extent that I did....lol!)

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Completely agree with you. Have one DC at uni at the moment, uni nowadays for her and a lot of people is just about being the passport for skilled/professional careers (healthcare etc) that people didn’t have to go to uni and get themselves 50k into debt for previously. I work in the same field and much as I love my job, no I wouldn’t get myself into that much debt for the level of responsibility and stress involved (although like her I probably would of back then if same circumstances)
Sadly not much time for enjoyment for her as course very intense and spare time is spent working to stay afloat. I do therefore like to treat her to the odd meal out etc but similar to my other children who aren’t at uni and have times when they are struggling for other reasons.

Koalasparkles · 27/10/2023 21:21

MigGirl · 25/10/2023 12:22

Yes university isn't the be all and end all, but I would judge, especially if the kids wanted to go and they said no.

I do question some parents priorities sometimes. My sister has been a bit like this DN really needed extra support at school, I said why don't you pay for a tutor(our parents did for us) Her response was they couldn't afford that, yet they run a caravan and go to America on holiday every year. You know some things are just a bit more important then a fancy holiday.

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But parents don't decide if someone gets to go to university. An 18 year old is an adult that can support themselves if need be. I went with no parental support. Yes it would have been easier with it, but I'm a much more independent, resilient person for it

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 21:30

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 21:07

Completely agree with you. Have one DC at uni at the moment, uni nowadays for her and a lot of people is just about being the passport for skilled/professional careers (healthcare etc) that people didn’t have to go to uni and get themselves 50k into debt for previously. I work in the same field and much as I love my job, no I wouldn’t get myself into that much debt for the level of responsibility and stress involved (although like her I probably would of back then if same circumstances)
Sadly not much time for enjoyment for her as course very intense and spare time is spent working to stay afloat. I do therefore like to treat her to the odd meal out etc but similar to my other children who aren’t at uni and have times when they are struggling for other reasons.

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I don't think students now are anywhere near as social as they were back in my day!

Mine enjoyed their courses thankfully, not just the more social side of things.

I used to slip a treat or two into the supermarket delivery!

Antst · 27/10/2023 21:33

Koalasparkles · 27/10/2023 21:21

But parents don't decide if someone gets to go to university. An 18 year old is an adult that can support themselves if need be. I went with no parental support. Yes it would have been easier with it, but I'm a much more independent, resilient person for it

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When did you go? This week if you've been keeping up with the news, you will have seen that most students have nothing left after paying for accommodation. Things are much, much harder than they used to be.

Clariee45 · 27/10/2023 21:48

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 21:30

I don't think students now are anywhere near as social as they were back in my day!

Mine enjoyed their courses thankfully, not just the more social side of things.

I used to slip a treat or two into the supermarket delivery!

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That’s lovely ☺️
Yes it’s sadly all so different nowadays, they do deserve more. I don’t feel the same obligation I felt to pay for the best nursery care etc as I did when they were toddlers and had no control over anything. I wouldn’t be willing to go bankrupt or work myself into an early grave to send them to uni but would help more if had the spare cash and definitely nice to treat them when can

MrsPetty · 27/10/2023 21:49

They don’t have to go to university at 16.

TigerQueenie · 27/10/2023 21:49

TheCompactPussycat · 27/10/2023 15:52

Hmm. I suspect you are being a little disingenuous - it sounds like you might have been studying for an OU/ correspondence degree to me. Fine, but not what most students studying full-time at university are doing. Most students would find it tricky to work full-time for an employer during the day whilst simultaneously attending a lecture at 11am, a seminar at 2pm and a tutorial at 4pm. If your full-time degree allows you to choose which hours you use to study then yes, you can study in the evenings and also work full-time during the day. If your full-time degree actually expects you to attend lectures, seminars and tutorials at times during the day dictated by academic staff then you won't be able to also work during the day.

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I studied during the day and worked in a restaurant 3 shifts a week and in a bar/club 2 evenings/nights. Also worth noting that my full time degrees didn't require attendance all day every day either.

Second degree I worked remote in editing for a US firm which fitted around my study nicely.

Currently I am studying remotely, full time and working generally anything upto 50hrs.

I've volunteered for many years, throughout all my studies and my entire working life. I've also always had time for family, friends and hobbies.

Treesinmygarden · 27/10/2023 22:18

TigerQueenie · 27/10/2023 21:49

I studied during the day and worked in a restaurant 3 shifts a week and in a bar/club 2 evenings/nights. Also worth noting that my full time degrees didn't require attendance all day every day either.

Second degree I worked remote in editing for a US firm which fitted around my study nicely.

Currently I am studying remotely, full time and working generally anything upto 50hrs.

I've volunteered for many years, throughout all my studies and my entire working life. I've also always had time for family, friends and hobbies.

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DC3 is a FT student, but contact hours only on 3 days.

Works several shifts around studies. That's PT. Also volunteers, has time for family, friends and hobbies.

I have already ordered their medal.

Doteycat · 27/10/2023 22:37

Think maybe you need to work on your comprehension skills Anst

Tigger72 · 27/10/2023 22:59

Because minimum loan doesn’t even cover the rent let alone any other costs. We top up rent by £4k a year before anything else. DC works holidays & saves so can support most of their own expenses during term time but couldn’t pay rent well. In England the Loans increase vs cost of living cost increase are way out compared to only few years ago. It’s awful.