Page 17 | parents living the high life

nearlyemptynes · 2023-10-25T11:15:05+00:00

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

Crikeyalmighty · 28/10/2023 01:22

Unfortunately along with helicopter parenting there are a fair few parents who seem to see their children as an extension of their own life and standards and hence want them doing the same life plan as they did- A levels, Russell group Uni, graduate profession etc.- I think many mean well as it's given them a good life but don't really factor in that child's abilities/aspirations etc
There are many ways you can get on in life and yes whilst training, education and skills are important , it's not always linear -- you have to factor in personalities and attitudes and work ethic too. For some 18 year olds just fancying a few years fun and experience it' a complete waste of money - and it's not free- it's going to be costing your child thousands a year for many years. You may as well give them £3 k a year towards rent , a shared house and a holiday for a few years,

Motheranddaughter · 28/10/2023 07:24

I am happy to support my DC through Uni
I don’t really care what other people do
For me it is my top priority
I was skint at Uni and don’t want that for them,and don’t want them working term time
It is only for a few years

emziecy · 28/10/2023 08:00

Sounds like it's absolutely none of your business to be honest. Why do you care? Oh wait, so you can feel superior about your own undoubtedly perfect parenting. Of course 🙄

PloddingAlong21 · 28/10/2023 08:40

There is a significant difference in funding Uni for 3 years Vs one holiday.

Uni is not the be all and end all. We also have numerous pointless degrees and the debt involved these days v’s the usefulness of a degree should absoloutely be questioned.

I have a degree so I’m not insecure about my level of education. I’m financially able to support my son when the time comes should he wish to go. I will also encourage him to consider wider options.

However the route being heavily pushed as a valid and respectable alternative is apprenticeships. When I say respectable, I don’t mean it hasn’t been a good choice, but everyone historically holds university in higher regard. The tide is now turning on this.

I would rather recruit someone who solidly worked through an apprenticeship (as getting relatively young kids turning up-to work on time and putting a hard days work in is a task for employers) Vs someone who did ‘business studies’. When I was at Uni that was the degree kids did who wanted to go but didn’t really know what to do. I’m sure this is maybe no longer the case - but to my point, times and perceptions change.

I also think making kids consider how to support themselves isn’t a bad thing either. It’s literally character forming. I’m not saying hardship is good - obviously. However independence (within reason) is. It builds life skills. What’s wrong with students also having part time jobs etc? The amount of kids who come out of Uni who are book smart but lack any common sense, self awareness or drive is astonishing.

So….to OPs question. No I don’t think it’s unreasonable parents going on a holiday and a child funding themselves through Uni. They aren’t comparable.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 28/10/2023 11:02

I certainly wanted to support mine. That said, I'm aware there are ways of obtaining high level qualifications that do not include either a degree or apprenticeship. That includes working in a profession whilst undertaking relevant professional qualifications part time, often evening based. I've known people who have done that.

coffeeaddict77 · 28/10/2023 12:59

PloddingAlong21 · 28/10/2023 08:40

There is a significant difference in funding Uni for 3 years Vs one holiday.

Uni is not the be all and end all. We also have numerous pointless degrees and the debt involved these days v’s the usefulness of a degree should absoloutely be questioned.

I have a degree so I’m not insecure about my level of education. I’m financially able to support my son when the time comes should he wish to go. I will also encourage him to consider wider options.

However the route being heavily pushed as a valid and respectable alternative is apprenticeships. When I say respectable, I don’t mean it hasn’t been a good choice, but everyone historically holds university in higher regard. The tide is now turning on this.

I would rather recruit someone who solidly worked through an apprenticeship (as getting relatively young kids turning up-to work on time and putting a hard days work in is a task for employers) Vs someone who did ‘business studies’. When I was at Uni that was the degree kids did who wanted to go but didn’t really know what to do. I’m sure this is maybe no longer the case - but to my point, times and perceptions change.

I also think making kids consider how to support themselves isn’t a bad thing either. It’s literally character forming. I’m not saying hardship is good - obviously. However independence (within reason) is. It builds life skills. What’s wrong with students also having part time jobs etc? The amount of kids who come out of Uni who are book smart but lack any common sense, self awareness or drive is astonishing.

So….to OPs question. No I don’t think it’s unreasonable parents going on a holiday and a child funding themselves through Uni. They aren’t comparable.

There is hardship and not having money to pay for rent, food or heating. Noone earns enough to pay their own way if on a minimum loan unless they are not studying.
Degree Apprenticeships are actually hard to get and I know a few companies that did offer them are no longer doing so, so it may be even harder in the future.

Treesinmygarden · 28/10/2023 14:20

I would love to know where all these degree apprenticeships are!!

PloddingAlong21 · 28/10/2023 14:35

@coffeeaddict77 the government this year have just doubled down in commitment to funding apprenticeships so this will certainly be the direction of travel. More so than they’ve ever done before. I think we will see a broad uplift in them based on the changes the supporting companies are putting in to manage placements of them.

I agree though, companies who are trying to do the right thing are struggling in delivery of them. Kingfisher are a huge apprenticeship company for example but without government policy they’re trying to swim against the tide, so to speak.

coffeeaddict77 · 28/10/2023 15:01

PloddingAlong21 · 28/10/2023 14:35

@coffeeaddict77 the government this year have just doubled down in commitment to funding apprenticeships so this will certainly be the direction of travel. More so than they’ve ever done before. I think we will see a broad uplift in them based on the changes the supporting companies are putting in to manage placements of them.

I agree though, companies who are trying to do the right thing are struggling in delivery of them. Kingfisher are a huge apprenticeship company for example but without government policy they’re trying to swim against the tide, so to speak.

Saying that they are "committed" to funding anything is different to actually doing so, especially from a government that is probably not expecting to be around much longer. I just looked online and there are currently only 200 degree apprenticehips being advertised in the whole of England.

Flamingosrule · 29/10/2023 01:49

Exactly this! I’m usually a scroller on here and rarely comment but your post has got my back up!
university isn’t the be all and end all ..we aren’t poor and could have put my daughter through university - she didn’t want to go - she’s worked hard, has her wits about her - has studied at home while working and just landed herself a £65k a year job! She’s 24

so maybe your friends children have the same plans?

penpep · 29/10/2023 02:33

Stop comparing yourself to other ppl. You have no idea what's in their bank account.

Whyohwhywyoming · 29/10/2023 08:05

uncroissantsilvousplait · 25/10/2023 13:40

It's non of your business they might not have even wanted to go to uni.

sorry OP, it seems your post about supporting your children has turned into a debate over the benefits or negatives of University 😂

But the OP is making an assumption that her “friend”’s children wanted to go to uni and were denied it should have been encouraged in that direction. But she really has no idea what happens within their family other than what she is presented with.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/10/2023 17:53

@PloddingAlong21 my perfectly bright (but rather lazy in his mid teens) son started A levels and hated it, so managed to get a BTEC technical apprenticeship in IT and networks and comms at 16/'- work 4 days, college 1 day - in a shared house the week before he was18. Has been in London since just before 19. It has stood him in good stead and he has a very good work ethic and yes I have had to give him a small bit of support at times, mainly towards rent deposits etc but I feel it was well directed.