parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

What I think is a bit mean is parents who refuse to support their kids financially when they get minimum loan on account of parents income. I’m not talking about parents who might other commitments such as multiple other kids, childcare for younger kids etc, but those parents who can afford but said they need to learn to fend for themselves. Fair enough if these teens then got the same loan as peers who parents genuinely can’t afford due to low income but they don’t, often 5-6k per year less then have to work ridiculous hours to pay. I’d work a second job to help my kids through Uni if I needed to. Luckily their dad is funding them but he’s paid zero maintenance (high salary) for 12yrs so I’m happily letting him, but do pay £100 a month to DS towards food. So yes, I agree with you

my friends son went to Oxford 20yrs ago and worked, but he wasn’t supposed to. It’s made clear. Assume Cambridge is the same. Each semester is only 8wks and it’s intense so they recommend you don’t work, but they obviously can’t check. Friends son graduated with a 2:1, so he still did well

No I think parents are just more invested in their children’s futures now. When I went with my son nearly every kid had a parent with them. My own mum didn’t want me to go to Uni, as she didn’t want me to leave our home town with my son in tow (young mum). She actively tried to stop me, but didn’t succeed and then everytime I spoke about graduating she said ‘if you graduate not when’. So maybe I’m a bit more invested in my kids futures than my own mum, but it’s perfectly normal to help your child with all the choices, offer your opinion. Plus most parents are financing a lot of it now, unlike back in the day we went. I was the last year for student grants (graduated in 2000), so I can understand why parents are interested - surely that’s a good thing to support your child, not just financially but with choices, navigating the whole process. My son is perfectly capable of managing on his own, but he welcomed my help and we actually had a wonderful time visiting, memories for life

I don’t know. I do see your point and I do want to support my children financially as much as possible but equally I think if you take this logic too far then it ends up reducing a parent’s role to a cash machine. Taking holidays? No, you should be saving that money for your children’s future. SAHM? Selfish, get out there and work and earn money for your children’s future. Working part-time? Selfish, work full time and earn money for your children’s future.

All of us have spent money that could have been saved for our kids’ future on something that wasn’t strictly necessary. And I doubt anyone can say they’ve maximised their earning potential at every possible time since becoming a parent.

I feel very bad for young people today. When I went to uni tuition fees were about £1500 a YEAR. We attended protests about top-up fees, which were a proposal to raise them to about £3k a year.

I've been told that during and since covid there's been a shift in the minds of parents re education. They're far more involved especially in secondary education. Being at home with children seeing for themselves how education is taught, the curriculum, they have had an eye opening experience.

I've done it too - but I wasn't working fulltime AND studying fulltime as the other poster implied.

I did my undergrad fulltime, but did my professional qualification and MSc alongside working fulltime.

I thought this was going to be about someone's boomer parents, lol.

Well I am 60 and I have stolen nothing from my children. On the contrary, they have reams of opportunities that my generation didn't have. I've just lived my life in the times I've been alive.

Jeremy Paxman is a twit.

The poster in question posts their horrible, twisted views all over the place, and should have them deleted. They're goady and rude. I totally and fundamentally disagree in any case.

Mine won’t have any debt
In Scotland so no fees ,and we are paying accommodation and living expenses
I went back full time to fund this

I worked and studied full time for both. It just really wasn't hard.

Surely you can acknowledge that most people would find studying full time alongside working full time a challenge.

My undergraduate degree (science) didn't leave me much time where a full time job could have fitted in. I did work part time.

Minimum loan £4,600. Max £10k. So parental contribution expected £6,400. Divided by 9 months (sept to July) = £540. Per month. That's an awful lot to expect parents to pay!

A challenge, yes. Impossible, no.

In my younger days I hired a lot of students who mostly worked 30ish hours a week or thereabouts.

I'm working full time and studying full time now (I just like learning), which is even easier than it was previously because its distance learning.

It's more than our mortgage!

I make it £600. £10k minus £4.6k = £5.4k divided by 9 = £600.

Sorry, I think I divided it by 10. 10 months, sept to June. But the point still stands. £540 or £600. Who has that lying around? (We don't give ds1 that much, we just can't stretch to that!).

I find this sad.

Many grants don’t cover even the housing element of uni expense. Most decent parents want to top up the loan to at least the minimum grant. Some can, some really can’t afford to and yes it’s right that students should work at least to fund part of their lifestyle, but I do find it sad that some parents are prepared to sit back and watch their children struggle when they could afford to help if they just cut back on their own holidays for a few years. Or worse, discourage them totally.

So many parents make real sacrifices to top up the grant. Personally I think the amount they get shouldn’t be dependant on parental income. They should all be entitled to borrow the same amount. But there is a huge difference between being unable to help and being unwilling to help.

Lots of parents accompanied their kids when I went 40 years ago. Mine did too.

I agree OP. My parents and grandparents were all intelligent people who left school at the earliest legal age to start earning money, in e.g. mines, factories, domestic service. Anything else just wasn't an option for them.

I grew up secure in the knowledge that my DF would have sold the shirt off his back to support me to have better opportunities. To do less for my own children would feel like a betrayal of that.

News article on this very subject

That is half my wage and more than my mortgage . I my kids wouldn't have been any better off for it , but I would be pretty broke .

@CosimoPiovasco I agree and also think it is dangerous and leaves them open to exploitation. Maybe see how many students have things like onlyfans. I do think it is hard to work full time and study. Shifts and lectures and teaching clash. Students are financially targeted constantly and the expectation is that they should also be having a huge social life externally which can be isolating if you can't afford anything. Many children arrive at Uni with hardly any life skills. A huge amount are anxious. They largely still need help especially if they are expected to move out. I work at Uni so do think things have changed and see that each year.

Shifts and lectures and teaching clash.

To be fair that depends on the course. I did a humanities course with eight hours contact a week.

I’d studied architecture and whilst we had to be in the studio every day ( even having to sign in ) there was always evenings and weekends.

What opportunities did your generation not have compared with younger generations. I am in my late 50s and if anything think we had more opportunity as there were grants rather than loans and fees were paid for.