parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

P.s when my DC asked if I’d come to open days, yes of course I went along when I possibly could and try and buy them the odd treat when I can

What’s wrong with the kids getting a loan and a job in the holidays so that’s it’s not up to parents to fund it all and then parents can have nice treats for themselves as well

?

It teaches them to budget and stand on their own two feet. Of course I would help out in an emergency. I'm not always going to be here though .

The loan for living costs is means-tested. i.e. there is an upper limit dependent on your parents' income. So if your parents household income is over c£60K you can only get a living costs loan for c.£4.5K per year. Most student accommodation is £7K upwards per year before things like food and basic living costs are added on. That's why parents need to help fund it.

Presumably when you're not there, they'll be long established in careers/jobs and will be able to support themselves. Completely different scenario from being a student with limited options to work around lectures, studying, etc.

It's none of your business. Uni isn't the only or best option for everyone. I supported myself all through uni by working, I'd expect my kids to do the same.

@CornishClott,
Genuine question but how can you learn to budget when your total income only comes to half your rent? DD has gone straight from school so no time to work for a year. She applied for numerous jobs whilst doing 4 intense A’levels but none came up that she could manage time wise. We both earn less than 35k and have two other children and a hefty mortgage. Despite this, she gets the minimum loan because apparently, we’re considered high earners! 😬 We are scrimping to make up the shortfall in her rent but then what does she live off??? Yes, she’s applying for jobs but so are they all at this time. And even if she gets one, that’s not now, not these first few months with virtually nothing to eat. So she’s looking at giving up her place at her dream university simply because she cannot afford to eat. It’s not fair to her. And it’s certainly nothing to do with learning to budget as that implies that that your money at least covers necessities like food and shelter.

As many have explained it is virtually impossible to do that nowadays if you only get a minimum loan.

It's really none of your business, every family has different priorities. University can be done with encouragement from family rather than finances - and it's certainly not 'wrong' for kids to utilise loans for uni and work part time to pay for their own social life at uni while the parents enjoy the money they earn. It's also not wrong for kids to decide not to go to uni because they would rather earn immediately and don't see the value in uni for the cost.

I wont be giving up holidays and enjoyment of my own life so my kids can be debt free from uni and enjoy the social life uni brings without them contributing to it themselves.

@user1497207191

I'm not talking about helping out to make ends meet. I'm talking about parents that bail their kids out for everything. Look up my posts in this thread . And yes they are settled in good jobs and very rarely ask for help . They know if they need it I will help because I know they are in genuine need .

Jeez you have some bee in your bonnet! It’s quite insane. I literally don’t know anyone who would discourage their DC from education/training. Including my late DF who would be nearly 100 years old now!

Maybe you could evidence your bizarre and outlandish views??

Uni isn't everything. I went and had a fab time but ended up in a career completely unrelated to my degree. My husband never went to Uni but earns lots more than many graduate friends. He's a self employed with a trade and earns a lot more than I do. In fact the white van lads seem to be doing very well these days. I'll leave it to my kids to decide but a lot of people do quite well working straight from college too.

Wise up! Maybe you lived in London because that was the only access to many countries. I did live in London but a flight to my home country then was £200/300 one way!!

I was good with exams but it’s a hell of a pressure, and it’s basically a memory test. If you don’t see how technology has provided opportunities that our generation didn’t have, well there’s no point talking to you!!

Well bully for you being in two places at the same time. I don’t believe you.

I have worked full time and studied part time for many courses. I’m not sitting on the internet boasting about how easy it is!!

I don't really give a shit if you believe me or not. I'm not at work at the same time as studying. There's 120 awake hours in my week which is plenty of time to fit everything in. Perhaps you aren't very good at time management?

Doctors, nurses etc absolutely give the taxpayer value for money. It's the useless degrees that churn out unemployable graduates that do not. I'm looking at you media studies, events management, psychology ...

@samupnorth
I’m not sure about branding Psychology as a ‘useless degree’.
Not only is it very difficult to get into at a good university but we have a huge shortage of well qualified Clinical and Educational Psychologists at the moment. Both vital, public sector roles in health and education. So, if anything, we should be encouraging more students into psychology.

Totally agree.

Oh ok, it comes down to that old chestnut for you, does it, as if education and benefits to society comes down to a financial balance sheet only. A very limited way of looking at life, in my opinion. I assume, then, that you don't attend events (big and small), watch TV or films, engage with the news in any form, enjoy ANY arts in any form like music, enriching architecture, etc., and you live in a world of pure practicality and necessity? Probably not. And if you've never needed psychological help then you're lucky.

It's also worth noting that the countries with more educated populations report higher wellbeing (physical and mental) than those with a less educated population. Uni isn't the only way to get educated or achieve a fulfilling life/career, but deriding arts degrees is an asinine thing to do.

FWIW I didn't go to uni, also didn't get A Levels and have worked since I was 16. I can see beyond financial returns when thinking about what benefits society, though.

Psychology can be a very useful degree.

Wise up yourself. No I didn't live in London. I can't comment on the cost of travel to all countries but that doesn't mean it was expensive to go anywhere and you don't have to fly in order to travel. Europe was very accessible by train and cheap via interrail cards. That might not have been any good for you if you lived overseas but we aren't talking about you personally. You might not have liked exams but again we aren't just talking about you. Many people prefer them. Technology may have increased some opportunities but has certainly removed others.

Do you actually think that loans will cover living expenses and that they only need to work for social life costs.

GenX was sold the same lie.

Hmm. I suspect you are being a little disingenuous - it sounds like you might have been studying for an OU/ correspondence degree to me. Fine, but not what most students studying full-time at university are doing. Most students would find it tricky to work full-time for an employer during the day whilst simultaneously attending a lecture at 11am, a seminar at 2pm and a tutorial at 4pm. If your full-time degree allows you to choose which hours you use to study then yes, you can study in the evenings and also work full-time during the day. If your full-time degree actually expects you to attend lectures, seminars and tutorials at times during the day dictated by academic staff then you won't be able to also work during the day.

Of course it is, as is media studies and events management.
The ignorance is astounding.