parents living the high life

[nearlyemptynes]

Now I know we make our choices in life and we live with them. I have 3 children and have supported the eldest through uni and would do the same for the other two if that's what they want. I see this as our responsibility as parents. I have friends who have not supported their kids, haven't encouraged open days etc then when they kids don't go they have wonderful foreign holidays etc after saying they couldn't afford to send their kids to uni. AIBU to think they have their priorities wrong?

What opportunities did your generation not have compared with younger generations.

University places. Only 5% of the population could go for decades.

That is partly because it was harder to get in academically but it wasn't more difficult financially. Also many people didn't want to go. Many jobs which now require a degree didn't require one then so much easier to have a good career without one compared with today.

It’s still an opportunity older generations didn’t have that younger ones do. Many people did want to go and couldn’t because there simply weren’t enough places.

You can't have been working fulltime and studying fulltime though! You must have been studying parttime? You can't do both at the same time!

Travel - remember how costly it used to be? Internet - masses of information at their fingertips. We had to go to a library. Mobile phones - can be in contact with anyone at any time. We had to queue to use a payphone.

Far, far more university places. Better job market. Greater opportunities for placement years, all over the world. Remote learning more possible. Fewer exams, more coursework.

Both my kids didnt go uni or private school. Daughter (31) works in recruitment (wfh) and is earning well.. Son (25) works in Digital Marketing ( part remotely) and earns an eye watering amount ( his top 2 clients are Volvo and H&M ). Son was/is severely dyslexic but went to a fantastic state school and excelled. So, i guess my point is.... Uni isnt the be all and end all.

Currently my eldest kid and step kids are so horrible I can’t wait to spend their inheritance that me and hubby have worked so hard to build. As soon as the youngest one (who is only 5) flies the nest then we are downing tools and holidaying! We go without so much to build their inheritance (farmstead) and we work all hours, I don’t see why we should pay for them when they are lazy with bad attitudes. I know they’re teenagers and it’s to be expected but heck, my mum and dad didn’t pay for me to go to uni and encouraged me to make my own way in life - which I have done.

You do know people do amazing in life without university.
i think you need to stop thinking your choices are better .. we have different idea of what’s rights.
my 17 knows if he wants uni I’m helping him but he has made different choices right now. BTW we have had amazing holidays since he was little and we enjoy life and live for today.

@nearlyemptynes honestly, it's really none of your business what other families do. Please stop judging especially when you don't really know why these people do what they do.

Some of you are just missing the point. What I took from the OP were that these kids might have considered uni, but weren't encouraged.

It's not some kind of thesis examining whether a uni education is superior to other routes post 18!

Who?? Correction, who under 40? If you're so confident that you're not hurting your son by telling him he can have a good life without education/training, then you'll be able to list his options.

Yes you are living life for today. I hope you can support your son in years to come because you will owe him that for encouraging him away from training/education.

They can’t enforce it, how would they know?!

You should have thought about the situation when you supported your first through Uni and the implications if you had two others following.

You have no right to judge others on what they are doing? I suspect that you have no true understanding of your friends financial situation, nor their values.

Even Tom Hanks said, 'My children have to earn their way, they have to work for everything, because I want to install the work ethnic'.

You are allowed to work. They expect around 40hrs in the working week on studying but you are definitely allowed a weekend job and to work holidays.

Their priorities and their priorities and your priorities are your priorities.

University degree does not equal a job because they are ten a penny and so many crap degrees out there.

I don't think it's really just a question of going to university vs not going to university though is it? University is essential for some careers, a waste of time for some and for most it's a help but not something to undertake lightly. Everyone has to decide on a case by case basis if the outcome is worth the investment.

It's more the general sense that you as a parent have an investment in your child's future and that you are committed to that, financially and emotionally, as far as you can afford to be.

Your commitment as a parent is to support your child as far as you can afford to do so to set them on the best possible footing for whatever they want to do in life, as long as they have sufficient aptitude. That doesn't mean mortgaging yourself up to the hilt if you can't afford it to put them through university. It does mean supporting them, encouraging them, backing them up, helping them look for affordable alternatives, helping them research things and giving them the moral support they need.

And, critically, not trying to discourage them from doing things because it's "not for the likes of us". I've seen this sort of bullshit class bias applied in both directions: MC parents pushing kids who don't want to go into university because they would be embarrassed on the dinner party circuit if their kids didn't get degrees, and WC parents because they are afraid of their children raising their own aspirations and potentially moving into a different sphere. Both of these types of parents are failing their kids and I judge both types hard.

I travelled a lot in the 80s and don't remember it being more expensive than today, not least because the cost of food etc was a lot cheaper in some countries than the UK in comparison today. There are more university places so I suppose that means you don't have to be as academic to get in but other factors such as finance make it more difficult for many students (DH and many of my friends got full grants and obviously no fees). Also you didn't need a degree for a lot of good careers anyway unlike today.

Some might like more coursework and less exams but many don't. I prefer exams. It's not an opportunity anyway and neither are mobile phones or the internet.

You know you don't need parents permission to go to uni don't you? As you will be 18 and a legal adult

They didn't go because they didn't do well enough in their A levels and the places went to those that did better. That is still the case although competition is obviously not as high academically for some universities and courses. While you could argue that the less academic have more opportunity to go to university now than then it is the other way around for the less well off, particularly if the parents don't make the contribution they are expected to.

They didn't go because they didn't do well enough in their A levels and the places went to those that did better.

They’d be getting places now, wouldn’t they? That’s what having better opportunities means.

@Samlewis96
"You know you don't need parents permission to go to uni don't you? As you will be 18 and a legal adult"

You don't need your parents permission to go to university no. But unless you have lived independently (not in the same property) from them for a reasonable period of time then for grants and loans you are still classed as a dependent and they take your parents income into account. Which can make it a lot hard for young people too then access funds to go to university.

Exactly this

My son managed. Just drove himself there. Mind you he only went to 2 open days. Provably got me to cough up petrol though lol. And i had paid for driving lesson etc and car was a gift But interference in his decisions wouldn't have been accepted. He's been brought up to be independent and worked as well. Think a tad more independent than the schoolkids. Last year ( his 1st year) he mentioned how immature a lot of the people who had come straight from school were. He didn't do A levels but a BTEC ( equivalent to 3 A levels) at a college so learned to study and manage time a bit better than tesmachers spoon feeding 6 formers

What if you are a parent before 25? Or married? Surely u must count as independent by then

Oh, come off it!

It does NOT cost tens of thousands of pounds to support a child through university. I know, as I am doing it. Financially supporting a child through university simply means topping up their minimum maintenance loan to an amount that means they can live. If they qualify for more than the minimum loan, then it will cost parents even less.