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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who drives?

234 replies

Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 11:37

Purely out of curiosity...

I was sat in the car with my DD at the services, watching the world go by, when she asked me: "Why is it always the man who drives?".

I looked, and she was right - every car with both men and women in it, a man was at the wheel! I didn't really know what to say to her...

So, when you're in a car with a member of the opposite sex, who's driving and why?

YABU - the woman
YANBU - the man

OP posts:
Sparehair · 25/10/2023 12:44

Probably 50/50 if just round and about or split it if really long journey. He does like a car cat nap so possibly let me slightly more of the time. But then Dh doesn’t drink so if we go out for a meal he’ll drive and I’ll have a wine or two.

Neither of us love driving but neither of us hate it either.

Crumpleton · 25/10/2023 12:45

I'm not over keen on doing the driving unless I need to.
Stopped driving after dark some years ago mainly because where we live all street lights were removed and those bright car lights practically blind me.

DH is happy to do the driving so suits us both.

judgedreadful · 25/10/2023 12:51

Half and half I'd say. Depends on whose car is at the front of the drive tbh.

Jaxhog · 25/10/2023 12:52

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/10/2023 11:39

My car, I drive. His, he does.

Same here mostly.

OneTC · 25/10/2023 12:53

More men own cars and more men have licences so it runs you well see a majority of men driving. Without knowing the status of the people in the car a simple observation is meaningless.

I'm always driving and DW is always passenger because anything else would be illegal Grin

S72 · 25/10/2023 12:54

I drive whenever possible. I'm a nervous passenger.

PiddleOfPuppies · 25/10/2023 12:57

I am not the default driver because I don't enjoy it - but I do make sure I do drive regularly as I don't want to be an isolated old woman if anything happens to DH. My MIL refused to drive for years but FIL developed epilepsy and lost his licence in his 60s, then suddenly she had to drive.

DH will always tow our trailer tent as he's got an HGV licence and knows how to park it. I probably ought to remedy this as we're stuffed if he broke his wrist or something on holiday.

NannyGythaOgg · 25/10/2023 13:01

When I was married (he's been an ex a long time now) he did all the driving, unless we were going out. Then he wanted a drink so I was 'allowed' to drive. I was uite capable of insisting I drove but it just wasn't worth it as he consistently criticised my driving.

He believed he was the better driver. After we split up the kids frequently made comments about my car (which was older and lower spec) being much more comfortable than his. I can only put this down to the jerky gear changes and accelerator/brake combination

NannyGythaOgg · 25/10/2023 13:04

I've recently been on holiday with my 4 brothers, one sister and one niece and her husband. I drove myself. All the others are in couples, all the women can and do drive, and in every instance the man drove all the time they were out together. Small sample but not uncommon i don't think.

TenderDandelions · 25/10/2023 13:08

BIWI · 25/10/2023 11:39

I always drive. I like driving and I'm also a terrible backseat driver. DH gets bored and loses concentration, which makes my backseat driver very worried!

I'm also a better driver, which DH does acknowledge.

But my brother always thought it was very weird that he didn't drive/always let me drive. He clearly saw it as a man's job!

Snap... Also DH's car is ridiculously big, while mine is smaller, so for car parks, etc, mine is easier to park, so I tend to drive more often at the weekends.

DH's car gets used for longer journeys or to visit his DPs.

My MIL drives but is totally petrified of driving, so will never drive if FIL is in the car.

My parents split the driving equally then moan to me about how the other is a terrible backseat driver

BitofaStramash · 25/10/2023 13:10

Usually if we take the bigger car (mine) I drive, smaller car (his) he drives.

But we are not rigid about it

Tdcp · 25/10/2023 13:10

Boohooz · 25/10/2023 12:32

Same here. Can I ask if it bothers you? For me, It’s a battle I’ve lost.

Show quote history

The driving thing in general doesn't bother me but him not being able to drive is starting to grate on me as it transfers to other areas like school runs / jobs etc. It would be nice to have the option occasionally though as when we go on holiday it's usually over a 4 hour drive somewhere.

novhange · 25/10/2023 13:14

I'm a good driver, over 20 years. I drive 6+ hours for UK holidays and have often driven abroad as well.

But H maintains I am the worst driver he has ever seen, so I am nervous when in the car with him as he will constantly criticise. So I let him drive. But then he gets annoyed that I'm on my iPad and not talking to him.

WeWereInParis · 25/10/2023 13:14

Me, but DH isn't allowed to drive due to a medical issue.
It was funny, DD1 once asked me "are daddies not allowed to drive, is it only mummies?". because she'd obviously only ever seen me do it. She was about 3 at the time.

FourChimneys · 25/10/2023 13:16

About 40%DH, 60% me.

Although my mother could drive, I don't remember her ever driving when my father was with her. They didn't even swap on long journeys.

RedbrickOrNoBrick · 25/10/2023 13:17

Me because he doesn't... grrr. I have a friend whose husband always always drives even on hugely long journeys with the result that she's a nervous driver.

Tangled123 · 25/10/2023 13:18

Depends on where we’re going and whose car we’re taking. He probably does more of the short drives (to the supermarket or to meet his family) but I do more of the longer ones (as I usually suggest going away or it’s to meet my family).

RedbrickOrNoBrick · 25/10/2023 13:19

Tdcp · 25/10/2023 13:10

The driving thing in general doesn't bother me but him not being able to drive is starting to grate on me as it transfers to other areas like school runs / jobs etc. It would be nice to have the option occasionally though as when we go on holiday it's usually over a 4 hour drive somewhere.

Show quote history

It's a complete pain in the a to be Frank. But he's not going to change now, too nervous. The kids are getting lessons as soon as they hit 17

FoghornUnicorn · 25/10/2023 13:21

DH seems to prefer it so I let him crack on but I’m always asking if he wants a break and will gladly take over any time. I don’t mind driving but I prefer being the passenger.

SpringMeadows · 25/10/2023 13:22

We share fairly equally as we both like driving. Although if I need to work, he drives and I get my laptop out.

CrazyBaubles · 25/10/2023 13:22

If it's local, it's 50/50 - but it's becoming more him because he has some issues getting in and out of my car.

If it's long distance, it's 100% DH for a few reason.
He's a terrible passenger, his car is bigger and better for motorways etc and I have a rubbish sense of direction so even when we're doing trips we've done several times before, I will still get lost or miss a turning.

GuitarGeorgina · 25/10/2023 13:24

I almost always drive. I get travel sick as a passenger and dh invariably has work calls to make during the journey time.

I have noticed that it is rare to be this way round.

SkaneTos · 25/10/2023 13:25

I am not in a relationship.

But in my parents relationship, 40 years and still going strong, it has almost always been my mother driving the car. She loves to drive! My father drives when she is too tired.

rubydoobydoo · 25/10/2023 13:26

DH - as if I drive with him in the car he won't shut up and I find it really distracting! When he isn't wanting a full on in-depth conversation he does things like take sharp intakes of breath if there's anyone else on the road anywhere near.

If you have seen Hyacinth Bucket when her husband is driving in Keeping Up Appearances- that is DH when he isn't driving! So much easier just to let him get on with it.

TerfTalking · 25/10/2023 13:28

DH does all the driving on joint trips because

a) his is a nice, new, big, comfortable car with fancy extras
b) his car is a company car so wear, tear, mileage etc can go on his car
c) I don’t like driving his huge beast
d) he rarely drinks so when we go out he happily drives
e) he likes driving and does around 30,000 miles a year
f) he does very little else around the house so that’s his job!

Maybe that’s typical for lots of couples 🤷‍♀️

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