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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who drives?

234 replies

Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 11:37

Purely out of curiosity...

I was sat in the car with my DD at the services, watching the world go by, when she asked me: "Why is it always the man who drives?".

I looked, and she was right - every car with both men and women in it, a man was at the wheel! I didn't really know what to say to her...

So, when you're in a car with a member of the opposite sex, who's driving and why?

YABU - the woman
YANBU - the man

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 25/10/2023 12:07

We always shared it-apart from a few unseemly spats about who was going to drink. Then my dp had an accident and couldn't drive for 18 months, and needed a lot of ferrying about. When he could drive again, he said "Let me know when you feel like driving again." It's been a year so far....

SaracensMavericks · 25/10/2023 12:07

Could be either of us but a bit more likely to be him - perhaps a 60/40 split or something like that.

Fluffyc1ouds · 25/10/2023 12:07

I've never noticed this. I do most of the driving as DH hasn't passed his test, but he's been driving perfectly well for years and sometimes we whack the L plates on so I can have a break if motorways aren't on the route. If he had passed I expect it would be evenly split, although possibly more me because I love driving!

underneaththeash · 25/10/2023 12:08

I usually drive in the UK, DH usually drives abroad.

Laurdo · 25/10/2023 12:08

Poniesandrainbows · 25/10/2023 11:39

DH always drives. He loves driving. I'm happy to sit there and be driven around.

Same. He actually likes driving. I don't mind driving but it's not exactly a passion of mine.

Splat92 · 25/10/2023 12:09

DH mostly drives because I hate driving

KimberleyClark · 25/10/2023 12:09

On long journeys we share the driving. But if driving locally together yes it does tend to be DH.

MammaTo · 25/10/2023 12:10

He drives. I enjoy being a passenger princess with my flask of coffee and snacks for the journey.

VisitorfromAbroad2 · 25/10/2023 12:10

We both have a car & motorcycles

We both drive, ride

Aquestioningmind · 25/10/2023 12:10

I drive.

Every accident that someone I know has been involved in has involved a man driving. Maybe a coincidence, maybe not.

I trust myself more than I trust anyone else.

Stephisaur · 25/10/2023 12:11

In our family it's me who always drives.

My husband never passed his test 😂

ArcticLingered · 25/10/2023 12:11

It's interesting seeing the replies to this thread - there seems to be a lot of MN users who do the driving. My observation generally is that its the man who drives - and I know a lot of women who have never learned. Is there a gender bias in terms of men thinking they "must" learn to drive and do lots of driving to somehow prove their masculinity; whereas women aren't as bothered?

Men also used to often have bigger cars than women, but that seems to be evening out with the increase in SUVs - big white Audis etc. are the school transport choice round here, for the quarter mile trip to the local school and back...

NotMuchElseWeCanDo · 25/10/2023 12:12

Me. Regardless of whether it's his car or my car. We never even have a discussion about it.

He picked me up from work one night in his car. When I came out he got out the drivers seat and into the passenger seat and I drove!

He hates driving and can feel himself getting wound up. I'm a bad passenger (control freak) and love driving, so it makes sense!

I learnt to drive in central London and would drive to work around Hyde Park Corner every day, so I'm not really fazed.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 25/10/2023 12:13

jiinglebells · 25/10/2023 11:54

I'm a passenger princess whenever I can be! Especially if we're in my DHs car. I like being able to look out of the window and just observe, play on my phone, pick good music, have a coffee etc.

I will obviously drive myself wherever I need to go, but if we're both going unless my DH is drinking he's the driver! He's got more years of experience and loves driving, so it works out perfectly.

This is me.

We share both vehicles (one's not a car).

OtherSideofNowhere · 25/10/2023 12:13

We take turns. If it's a day trip I'll often drive there and he'll drive home. I'm better in the mornings and he's better later in the day.

A long trip we split the driving, again I usually take the first shift. If we're just going out locally we'll base it off who gets to the car first or whoever drove it last drives again so we don't have to redo all the mirrors.

countrygirl99 · 25/10/2023 12:16

We split the driving on long journeys but DH is an appalling back seat driver and I have been known to stop the car and tell him he can shut up or walk. Going out he drives because medication means he can't drink so we go in his car.

MustBeThursday · 25/10/2023 12:17

DH almost always drives when we're together, unless I'm dropping him off at the station or somewhere. I find driving stressful and he doesn't. He passed his test more than 15 years ago and I only passed earlier this year. Also his car is bigger so we tend to use that when we're all out and I can't drive DHs car as it's a manual. So we fit the pattern. My DM also prefers not to drive if given the option.

That said neither of my grandmothers could drive, though both of my grandfathers did.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 25/10/2023 12:18

Really interesting that it's much more even than that services suggested! It was on a motorway, middle of the day, middle of England, at the weekend - perhaps that's what made the difference? I'll be able to tell my DD our sample was a bit of an anomaly then!

It probably wasn't that much of an anomaly tbh. I'm guessing people are more likely to post on threads like this if they feel they are 'in the right' or likelybto buck the trend. And even on here, quite a few of us have said we prefer not to drive or our partner enjoys driving.

GinBlossom94 · 25/10/2023 12:19

My DH doesn't drive, suits me as I get awful motion sickness as a passenger

Jelllytot · 25/10/2023 12:23

Before DC in I would drive 100% of the time but that was because DH couldn't drive. He passed his test while I was pregnant and has driven 100% since. However I think that is a combination of me being too big to drive, got a new bigger car that I haven't practiced in and am now too scared to drive with DC. I've only driven with her alone once. I am trying to muster up the courage to drive alone again as it is really impacting my independence.

wellthatwentwelldinnit · 25/10/2023 12:23

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/10/2023 11:39

My car, I drive. His, he does.

This.

But 90% of the time it's my car. Easier to park, more fuel efficient. I am a better driver - he a better navigator.

jellycat · 25/10/2023 12:23

DH usually drives if we’re out together. He’s a better driver than me. I’m OK but he’s more confident and doesn’t get stressed about it (I do sometimes), and he seems to find it less tiring. Also for long journeys we use his car which is bigger than mine, and I don’t particularly like driving it. Very occasionally I have to though, when he has a hypo.

givemushypeasachance · 25/10/2023 12:24

More often than not my mum drove when I was younger, though on particularly long journeys they'd switch up part way. I preferred it as my mum drove more steadily and my dad would sway us passengers in the back more around corners!

My sister and brother-in-law share the driving pretty equally. My friends who live nearby it's the dad who drives the family around as my female friend doesn't like driving, doesn't feel safe doing it, hasn't driven for about 15 years.

lilyblue5 · 25/10/2023 12:24

I (woman) and DH drive equally. My mum lets her partner drive everywhere and it irrationally bothers me

Timeturnerplease · 25/10/2023 12:25

DH always drives when we’re together. It’s when I nap.

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