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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who drives?

234 replies

Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 11:37

Purely out of curiosity...

I was sat in the car with my DD at the services, watching the world go by, when she asked me: "Why is it always the man who drives?".

I looked, and she was right - every car with both men and women in it, a man was at the wheel! I didn't really know what to say to her...

So, when you're in a car with a member of the opposite sex, who's driving and why?

YABU - the woman
YANBU - the man

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 25/10/2023 13:28

If we're going out together generally DH car because it's nicer.

But dirty chores are often done in my car with me driving because that's how we worked it. DH needs a car for client visits. I just run chores.

justlonelystars · 25/10/2023 13:30

Generally if it’s both of us on a short journey, DH drives because I drive every day for work and he doesn’t so I’m fed up of driving by the weekend. Long journeys we’ll take in shifts or he does the way there/I’ll do the way back.

sanityisamyth · 25/10/2023 13:31

Single mother but ex-husband passed his test after years of us being together and only out of necessity. After he passed he wrote off 3 cars and crashed a further 3 (that I know of). I've only ever had 1 crash (not my fault) and I passed my D1 test yesterday with 3 minors after 17 years of car driving. I was very nervous in the car with him but not with anyone else. Not all men are good drivers!

Topseyt123 · 25/10/2023 13:32

DH likes driving and I hate it, so generally he drives. I would rather go by train on longer journeys.

Balloonhearts · 25/10/2023 13:32

Whoever car is easier to get out of the awkwardly shaped car park. If on long journeys its me who drives as I get carsick being a passenger.

kitsuneghost · 25/10/2023 13:34

Both of us
Invariably he gets the motorway and I get the inner city
(not sure how that worked)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/10/2023 13:36

I think it’s moving away from men doing the driving more often, to a more even split.

I’m single so I do all the driving - I actually really hate being driven as I get mild car sickness even in the front (as opposed to horrific car sickness in the back).

What I really dislike is when a man insists on driving all the time, except when the couple is going to a drinking based event, or opportunity for drinking. Then he expects his wife to drive, but only on the way back.

Also when you see two men in the front of a car and the women of the group in the back. The passenger seat moves forward and backwards - height makes no difference to where you need to sit!

Moomoomo · 25/10/2023 13:39

I drive. I like driving, hate being a passenger and dh hates driving so works out nicely for us!

Basilton · 25/10/2023 13:39

DH will nearly always drive.

gingercat02 · 25/10/2023 13:43

My car, I drive, his he does, but we may share on long journeys but not always

ManchesterLu · 25/10/2023 13:43

For us, it depends where we're going.
If we're going anywhere socially, he'll drive there and I drive back (I don't drink). We go to a hobby that I always drive to. If we're going out and about during the week, he drives.
I don't even know why, it just happens like that.. but I'd say we drive equal amounts overall.

glossypeach · 25/10/2023 13:49

I’m single person but unfortunately all my exes couldn’t drive so I was the driver always. I HATE driving, any chance I get I choose to be a passenger princess. My mum is very similar, no one in our family but her and I drive so she is always driving my dad and other family around.

Oakdog · 25/10/2023 13:49

I always drive. DH doesn't enjoy driving at all, and I do. Although I do make an exception if we're going out and I fancy a drink!

BlueEyedPeanut · 25/10/2023 14:05

I drive my car and DH drives his. We go in my car for long journeys because I get really bad travel sickness as a passenger. The only thing I don't like about it is that I can't have a drink while we're out.

Calmdown14 · 25/10/2023 14:07

I usually drive, especially long distance.

We live very rurally and husband has only ever lived here so he's not keen on big roundabouts and we don't have motorways.

That said, if it's a tiny road over a mountain he's much better than me and better at reversing into the second space on our awkward drive.

Sandsnake · 25/10/2023 14:08

DH almost always drives if we’re both in the car. I get the train to work and he drives, so we only need one car. Therefore the car is set up for him and we just sort of got into that habit. He actively prefers to drive and I’ll often dick around on my phone during long journeys, sometimes doing jobs like online grocery shop etc. I’m also probably better at keeping the kids occupied, as well as being a better navigator. Despite all these good reasons I still feel that it’s not a great example to the kids, and I’ll occasionally insist that I drive to make a point 😂.

I drive to my hobbies on my own so do drive a bit and am 100% confident, including on long journeys. I agree with pp’s that it’s important for women to keep their hands in. My MIL, for example, wouldn’t drive on the motorway with FIL as he always insisted. This evolved into him always driving her long distances, even if he didn’t need to go. Now she can’t / won’t do it at all and as a result has missed out on things such as coming to see the kids when FIL is busy.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 25/10/2023 14:10

I have the bigger/better car, I'm the better driver, I'm also much better at getting to new places so if we go anywhere together I'm the driver 95% of the time. Notable times my husband has driven is following my father's funeral and after I ran a half marathon. I wasn't fit to drive on either of those occasions.

Completely different when I'm in work though. My male colleague is a perfectly decent driver and has a company car so I'm happy to be chauffeured when we have to travel anywhere together.

ReadyForPumpkins · 25/10/2023 14:11

I'm the driver but I agree it's rare. I'm a more confident driver and learned as a teenager while DH learned as a 30 something.

DH won't even drive long distance so I have no one to share driving with on driving holidays.

mn29 · 25/10/2023 14:12

I'm the woman, I hate driving so that's why.

BelleSauvage9 · 25/10/2023 14:13

YABU, my dp doesn't drive so I'm always the driver

GreyhpundGirl · 25/10/2023 14:13

My husband has never learned to drive, so me.

RedPony1 · 25/10/2023 14:16

If it's DP's car, then it's him. If it's my car, it's me.

We go to a lot of events and take both cars so arrive alone.

I LOVE driving though, if that helps.

Octavia64 · 25/10/2023 14:19

My ExH used to talk constantly if I was driving which drove me up the wall.

He couldn't or wouldn't stop it so I never drove unless he was drinking (and even then had to threaten to throw him out a few times to get him to shut up)

ApplesinmyPocket · 25/10/2023 14:20

DH drives, he enjoys it and I don't, but I do it when I have to.

I'm a better parker though.

CirreltheSquirrel · 25/10/2023 14:27

When I got together with my OH I had a car and he didn't. I always used to drive. We still only have one car between us, but over time it became clear that he enjoys driving more than I do, so he now usually drives when we go out in it together (I still drive myself to work etc but am happy to be a passenger on trips together).

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