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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who drives?

234 replies

Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 11:37

Purely out of curiosity...

I was sat in the car with my DD at the services, watching the world go by, when she asked me: "Why is it always the man who drives?".

I looked, and she was right - every car with both men and women in it, a man was at the wheel! I didn't really know what to say to her...

So, when you're in a car with a member of the opposite sex, who's driving and why?

YABU - the woman
YANBU - the man

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 25/10/2023 12:25

My partner doesn't drive - so always me.

TheresaBouvey · 25/10/2023 12:25

It seems to be always the man driving, you are right

But a thread like this will get more reactions from the minority (because it is nice to react if you feel you are being cool and buckling a trend Grin)

I am mostly the designated driver as DH has bad eye sight and can't drive well in rain or darkness

Also, he only learned to drive at 40

But I know we are unusual

Bobbotgegrinch · 25/10/2023 12:27

Up until about a year ago, if it was me and and DP in the car I tended to drive (I'm male)

This was because DP drives all day for work every day, whereas I don't, so I always saw it as doing my fair share.

However, a couple of years ago DP drove back from a wedding (due to my epic hangover!) and we both realised that she'd become very uncomfortable on unfamiliar roads, as the only driving she really did was on her usual work routes.

So now on long trips we split it evenly, so that we both keep our eye in.

ginsparkles · 25/10/2023 12:27

We both do. I used to drive a lot in my old job so am used to doing a lot of driving but would welcome the break from it at home. He enjoys cars and driving.

Long distances and holidays he drives because it's his car we take and leaves me free to deal with kid, dog etc. And I'm a better route planner and navigator than him.

Shorter journeys near home, or anything we take my car, then I will often drive. And if we are going out on an evening we take it in turns, so one can have a drink.

DappledThings · 25/10/2023 12:28

We would both rather drive that be the passenger. This half-term has been a bit of travelling. Saturday morning he drove us about 90 minutes, I did the next bit that evening which was about 75 minutes. Next evening he did the 3 hours of the next leg. If there had been traffic and delays we would have swapped at some point.

On way home now. I did the first 2 hrs 15 mins, he's doing the last bit which should have been about the same but big delays on motorway

blobby10 · 25/10/2023 12:28

With my exH he used to drive as I was better at entertaining the children! My partner and I used to split the driving equally - we were both insured on each others car so it never really mattered.

its only fairly recently that I've noticed more women driving when there has been a couple in a car

iknowwhymummysporridgewascold · 25/10/2023 12:28

My DH hates driving but I don't mind it as I'm a more confident driver than he is and have been driving about a decade longer so I'm the main driver.

Trisolaris · 25/10/2023 12:29

Mostly me. DH only recently learned so prefers shorter local trips or the easier stretches. Anywhere complicated and he asks me to take over usually.

Abouttimemum · 25/10/2023 12:29

DH and I both enjoy driving, so it really just depends what mood we’re in!

MarjorieTheManager · 25/10/2023 12:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/10/2023 11:39

My car, I drive. His, he does.

Same here.

VeridicalVagabond · 25/10/2023 12:30

Mostly me. I suffer with appalling motion sickness as a passenger, anything more than 10 minutes and I start feeling dizzy and queasy. So I do most of the driving when we're going somewhere together unless it's just a quick nip up the road or to the shops.

SinnerBoy · 25/10/2023 12:31

If we go somewhere drinking is going on, I always drive and my wife drinks. On long trips away, or to see family I drive, but she complains that I don't "let" her have a turn.

I hand her the key and head for the passenger door and she tells me she's tired and she'll do the second leg. When we've stopped, I hand her the key and she's got a headache / is still tired / doesn't feel like it.

I do t really mind, a couple of times, on long trips, I've got really tired and she took over.

randomchap · 25/10/2023 12:31

When doing long journeys my late wife would drive the motorways and I would do the non motorway bits. We would swap and the closest services to our destination.

She was a far better navigator than me but I was more confident driving anywhere new.

It just made sense to us

ChristinaNotChristine · 25/10/2023 12:31

I don't like to drive with other drivers in the car if I can avoid it, idgaf what a non driver thinks of my driving but I get irrationally nervous driving a qualified driver anywhere. I've no idea why. My driving is just fine. No bumps or even near misses in my 20 years (that were my fault). My DH is okay with it and it's the norm that he drives us when it's us two.

Taylorswiftserastour · 25/10/2023 12:31

I drive. I'm better at it.

I'm a terrible navigator so it just works out easier for long distance or going unknown places.

Boohooz · 25/10/2023 12:32

Tdcp · 25/10/2023 11:47

I drive, DP has never learned so I do all the driving.

Same here. Can I ask if it bothers you? For me, It’s a battle I’ve lost.

storminabuttercup · 25/10/2023 12:33

Annoyingfly · 25/10/2023 11:50

We share. Your "D" H has sexist confirmation bias.

Eh? The op didn't mention her DH

Topofthemountain · 25/10/2023 12:34

Mainly him, he prefers driving than being a passenger. Originally he had the bigger car that I wasn't able to drive, so any long distance was him. Both cars are now automatic, but he still does most of the driving.

Moonandstars90 · 25/10/2023 12:37

I do all the driving, as my husband has Retinitis Pigmentosa and won’t ever be able to learn. For most other couples I know though the man is the main driver, even if their partner can drive.

RedHelenB · 25/10/2023 12:38

Poniesandrainbows · 25/10/2023 11:39

DH always drives. He loves driving. I'm happy to sit there and be driven around.

This. Whoever lives driving the most does it imo.

VelvetUndergrounds · 25/10/2023 12:38

@Poniesandrainbows
Oh yeah, me too. Loads of better things that I can be doing whilst my husband is driving. Usually being the DJ and researching places to stop off for lunch en route!

heyitsthistle · 25/10/2023 12:39

My husband doesn't drive! It's very annoying 🤣

Fionaville · 25/10/2023 12:39

ArcticLingered · 25/10/2023 12:11

It's interesting seeing the replies to this thread - there seems to be a lot of MN users who do the driving. My observation generally is that its the man who drives - and I know a lot of women who have never learned. Is there a gender bias in terms of men thinking they "must" learn to drive and do lots of driving to somehow prove their masculinity; whereas women aren't as bothered?

Men also used to often have bigger cars than women, but that seems to be evening out with the increase in SUVs - big white Audis etc. are the school transport choice round here, for the quarter mile trip to the local school and back...

Apart from my first car 25 years ago, I've always driven SUVs. It makes sense where we live, but I've always felt safer in them. Whereas my husband has the smaller car, a sports car and I feel so low down and exposed when I drive that.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 25/10/2023 12:40

I always drive. I used to get car sick as a passenger but I also love driving and my DH isn't bothered. He's a great passenger - usually just snoozes.

sugarapplelane · 25/10/2023 12:42

DH drives as I hate driving and he doesn’t mind it