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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who drives?

234 replies

Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 11:37

Purely out of curiosity...

I was sat in the car with my DD at the services, watching the world go by, when she asked me: "Why is it always the man who drives?".

I looked, and she was right - every car with both men and women in it, a man was at the wheel! I didn't really know what to say to her...

So, when you're in a car with a member of the opposite sex, who's driving and why?

YABU - the woman
YANBU - the man

OP posts:
Welshwabbit · 25/10/2023 11:52

We split the driving equally.

exexpat · 25/10/2023 11:52

We take it in turns, though I'm more likely to drive if it's a route I know well, and vice versa if we are on his home territory (long distance relationship, both have our own cars but are insured on each other's). He doesn't drink, so he is more likely to drive on the way back from an evening out.

In my last relationship, DP couldn't drive (medical reasons) so it was all down to me. It is nice to be able to share the driving now.

BiddyPop · 25/10/2023 11:52

It depends.

DH tends to start off on long journeys but will swop over with me if he gets tired.

If we're both in his car on short journeys, he usually drives. If we're in mine, I usually drive. (I'm happy driving his, he loves borrowing mine locally as it's sportier, but doesn't have cruise control for longer journeys).

If we've been on a night out and 1 not drinking, it depends what we've been at - so I'll drive home for his family or work events and he will drive for my family or work events. (We do sometimes get taxis etc).

And it's also not unusual for both cars to go on the long journeys as we grew up relatively close to each other and far away from where we live now - so usually have lots of running around to do when "down home" and 2 cars helps! So I'll drive mine and he'll drive his.

Dd is only insured in mine but it's more likely that DH will be in the passenger seat if she's driving.

Fieldofbrokenpromises · 25/10/2023 11:52

We share it works really well.

GrumpyOldCrone · 25/10/2023 11:52

My partner usually drives because it’s his car. When I had a car, I drove if we went somewhere in it. I gave up my car a couple of years ago and now I hardly ever drive.

useitorlose · 25/10/2023 11:53

Me if it's my car, him if it's his car. We don't share as he has a huge car and I like my hatchback.

TogetherWeLearn · 25/10/2023 11:54

DH is a better driver & also enjoys driving so does the lions share. I'm happy to be a passenger & daydream.

jiinglebells · 25/10/2023 11:54

I'm a passenger princess whenever I can be! Especially if we're in my DHs car. I like being able to look out of the window and just observe, play on my phone, pick good music, have a coffee etc.

I will obviously drive myself wherever I need to go, but if we're both going unless my DH is drinking he's the driver! He's got more years of experience and loves driving, so it works out perfectly.

Dontcallmescarface · 25/10/2023 11:55

I prefer to drive than be a passenger so, unless it's not my car, I will always drive.

margotrose · 25/10/2023 11:55

Depends whose car we're in but u get horribly car sick so generally I prefer driving unless it's short distances.

TheOnceAndFutureQueen · 25/10/2023 11:55

I usually drive although not always. I get car sick - even in the front passenger seat on long journeys - so I prefer to drive and DH is happy to be driven around. Works for us.

BiddyPop · 25/10/2023 11:55

And when we're abroad and rent cars, we both get covered and DH does most but I always do at least 1 journey to keep my hand in for wrong side driving and in case there are emergencies needing me to take over. (Like the year he got hauled into loads of admin stuff unexpectedly at a sports event so I drove dd and her gear to and from our rented house to the event daily while he cycled over very early and came home very late on the bike...)

SpringleDingle · 25/10/2023 11:56

I drive my car, DP drives his. More often than not we take mine as it is nicer.

Jules912 · 25/10/2023 11:57

We share but usually DH does more as I hate driving.

MrsAvocet · 25/10/2023 11:57

Mainly DH in our family. He actively enjoys driving whereas I don't mind it but wouldn't say I particularly enjoy it. On long journeys we share but he usually does more than me, especially if we are in his car as I can't get a really comfortable driving position in it. If we take my car I'll do more.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 25/10/2023 11:58

Either. If we're doing a long journey, we usually share driving. We drive to and from work together, so dh drives there and I drive back. I don't like driving and really dislike driving unfamiliar routes, especially in the dark, and/or on motorways, so dh will often do that rather than me. On short, local journeys it will often default to him driving.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 25/10/2023 11:59

DP always drives if we're together. He actively enjoys driving, I don't like it, I find nothing about it enjoyable at all.

EverythingLouderThanEverythingElse · 25/10/2023 12:01

I drive if it's around the local area, DH prefers to drive the long distance journeys

Chemenger · 25/10/2023 12:03

Both DH and DD love driving and I am ambivalent about it, so one of them will always drive if they are there. I am totally happy to drive if I'm by myself. I often take the bus instead of driving (I have an old person's bus pass so any bus in Scotland is free) which they would not consider. Both of them are prone to carsickness as well so they prefer to drive. She isn't insured for his car so he would drive that and they would fight over driving my car.

Defender90 · 25/10/2023 12:04

We split the driving, usually one drives there and the other home if we are away on holiday.

Original poster
Vroomvroombeepbeep · 25/10/2023 12:04

Really interesting that it's much more even than that services suggested! It was on a motorway, middle of the day, middle of England, at the weekend - perhaps that's what made the difference? I'll be able to tell my DD our sample was a bit of an anomaly then!

OP posts:
Girlwithapple · 25/10/2023 12:04

DH definitely drives more than me, he actually enjoys driving whereas as I view it like any other chore, mowing the lawn, cutting the hedge, loading the dishwasher etc!

My car is the dog car so if we are taking the dogs to a secure field, vets or a different walk further away then I tend to drive mine. His is a company car and a lot cleaner than mine so if we are going out somewhere nice we use that one and he tends to drive his.

Whoopsadaisydownagain · 25/10/2023 12:06

My dh has turned into Mr Angry when driving and hates it If drivers cut in front of him when there isn't really a space to do so , it annoys me but I would slow down or brake to allow them in. He doesn't , so I prefer to drive.

Blueisacolour · 25/10/2023 12:07

I have the bigger/better car, so I tend to drive most local journeys (unless I don't particularly want to for some reason). Anything longer than a couple of hours we tend to share. Really long drives (4 hr+) he tends to do more than me because 2 hours in 1 session is about my limit, whereas he can easily do 3 hours in 1 go.

SnapdragonToadflax · 25/10/2023 12:07

My partner usually drives because I don't like driving. Nothing to do with being a woman, more my spacial awareness and anxiety. I only learned in my early 30s so am much less experienced than him and get really anxious about motorways and driving places I don't know. I also really hate driving with another adult in the car, I feel judged!

I do drive regularly, but not long distances.