Told DH he can't opt out of being a Dad

[ftm03]

DH runs his own company, the past few weeks parenting our 5 month old has been on me as he's working a lot to get a project done but I am exhausted.

DD has had a cold and cough so sleep has been limited. I'll add that I do 100% of the housework and laundry, dog walking and appointments etc.

DD goes to bed at 6, I've tried to stretch it to 7 but she refuses daytime naps and ends up screaming where she's overtired.

Last night, DH went to bed at 10 and I stayed up to watch something until 11, I know I should sleep when baby sleeps but it's my only alone time from 6:30am, when everyone is in bed.

I went to bed at 11, changed DD's nappy but she'd wet through so I had to wipe her down properly and put her in clean pjs and sleeping bag. 15 minutes later she had done a poo so I changed her again. It took another 45 minutes to settle her. At 4am she was really fussing, I woke DH and asked him to please do her a bottle and check her nappy as I was so tired.

He was annoyed and said he's tired and can't keep up as he'll start making mistakes at work.

This morning as he was leaving I said this comment wasn't fair, 99% of the parenting and housework etc is on me and I'm really tired and he can't opt out of being a Dad because it's 4am and he's tired, he's left for work in a mood with me.

What do we do here? I'm genuinely knackered. AIBU for waking him to do one bottle/nappy?!

I feel for you that your baby won't nap. Late dh used to help out when he got home in the evening and at weekends. Eg. He'd have one lie in and I'd have the other. We'd take it in turns evenings and weekends. Ignore those saying its fine for your dh to do absolutely bugger all parenting all week. They've probably got shit partners and want everyone else to as well. Or are crap dads themselves.

One way of thinking about it is if you split up now, presumably it wouldn't be ok for him to never see your baby because he has a job and its not OK for him to do zero care when you're together either.

I’m appalled by how the low the bar appears to be for some dads. Well done you for standing up for yourself and your child.

i really don’t buy the line that the wage earner deserves more sleep. Imagine if you were so tired you dropped or squashed your baby? You’re doing important work too, and need to her rested.

True

Just read your update. So pleased for you. I hope things continue to get easier and more joyful.

He can't expect to do no housework and no parenting. Can he pay for a cleaner? Either he needs to or to do some cleaning, one or the other.

On parenting I do understand why he was a but grumpy if he hadn't expected it. There needs to be responsibility, expectation and an arrangement. I suggest start with a few things like he does bathtime and work up from there. He needs to compromise- yes you can do more childcare etc but not everything!

He's not the only person to work and have kids
Parents are tired at work. Many mums run businesses, that's life.