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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

606 replies

IntergalacticP · 24/10/2023 20:06

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Biasquia · 28/10/2023 23:42

I really don’t much like cake tbf but any gluten free cakes with the exception of a Toblerone frozen one from Aldi have been truly awful. GF is an acquired taste. We have coeliacs in the family. There is always 2 cakes.

Flufferblub · 28/10/2023 23:50

My mum makes lovely gluten free cakes. They're just as nice as any cake

Willitwork999 · 29/10/2023 10:35

If you didnt tell him, i bet he wouldnt even know. Hes a selfish a. Xx

EC22 · 29/10/2023 11:01

Well it is selfish, you’ve done it to suit yourself, not your daughter or anyone else who may want a piece.
hopefully the baker does a good job.

SirVixofVixHall · 29/10/2023 14:20

I bake cakes all the time and I can’t use regular flour at all, as even baking with it (not eating it) can make me ill. Every time I make cakes for things I get asked for recipes from people who have no idea the cake is GF. This “oh you are so selfish, GF cakes are horrible” crowd on here, I have no idea what you’ve been eating ! (Maybe “free from” cakes with no eggs or dairy either ? They tend to not be delicious)
Anyway, the baby will be one. She will hardly taste the cake, and will just enjoy being with a happy Mummy eating cake. A birthday cake is a social celebration over and above the taste of it.
My dd had a huge chocolate birthday cake last year for her 18th, it was GF, nobody noticed and the entire thing was eaten pretty rapidly by not that large a group of people.

phoenixrosehere · 29/10/2023 14:55

Blueflower1612 · 28/10/2023 23:37

To be honest I do think he has a point. Gluten free cakes do tend to not be as nice as traditional cakes. If it was me I would probably just have got two cakes. I don’t think it’s a big deal for you not to have a slice of the actual cake. It’s about sharing the experience. If it was your daughter who was gluten free then that would obviously be different.

Then it shouldn’t be a big deal for her DH either if it’s all about the experience. No one is going to know whether it is or not unless her or DH says so.

He hasn’t even tasted the cake yet wants to claim it doesn’t taste good because it’s gf. Plenty of non-gf cakes made the “traditional” way don’t always taste good either.

Madamum18 · 30/10/2023 08:15

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 17:50

It's generally less nice. Why do all the gluten-tolerators have to have less nice cake?

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But that's the point it doesnt have to be less nice!

Biasquia · 30/10/2023 08:39

Madamum18 · 30/10/2023 08:15

But that's the point it doesnt have to be less nice!

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Hmmmmm we have had gluten free stuff supplied by my coeliac family member who swears it is sooooo nice, it isn’t she is just used to it now. GF flour alternatives generally are not as nice as traditional baked goods but in fairness I’m not mad about cake in general. None of us have liked the gf stuff over the years, it is an acquired taste that the family member has acquired but we don’t need to acquire it, we just buy gf and non gf cakes.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:32

Madamum18 · 30/10/2023 08:15

But that's the point it doesnt have to be less nice!

Show quote history

When the world's finest patissierres make their ultimate showstopping cake, do they reach for the GF flour? Of course they don't.

The best GF cake in the world may be better than a mediocre cake made with regular flour, but it won't be better than a good one.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:36

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/10/2023 19:23

All the people who think GF cake is too vile to eat once for one occasion have absolutely no sympathy for those who have no choice but to eat it.
As I said before so much ignorance.

Why would we eat vile cake when we can have nice cake? You can have the vile cake and try and convince yourself, like so many people here, that it's just as good.

Codlingmoths · 30/10/2023 09:37

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:32

When the world's finest patissierres make their ultimate showstopping cake, do they reach for the GF flour? Of course they don't.

The best GF cake in the world may be better than a mediocre cake made with regular flour, but it won't be better than a good one.

Show quote history

When they make that perfect rich chocolate mousse cake, or the Elizabeth David chocolate almond cake, or the classic orange almond cake, they don’t reach for flour at all. I’ve also had many gf cakes that live on in my memory as standout against cakes wiht flour- a cornflour only sponge cake, light as a feather. A warm spiced cake from a gf baker, requested at many birthday parties, tarts with gf shells. It’s only showing ignorance if people say gluten free desserts including cakes cannot be amazing.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:47

Yeah, and none of those are children's birthday cakes. I'm sure you're not ignorant of those.

MargotBamborough · 30/10/2023 09:50

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:36

Why would we eat vile cake when we can have nice cake? You can have the vile cake and try and convince yourself, like so many people here, that it's just as good.

Show quote history

I mean, "vile cake" is a bit of an exaggeration, but surely the reason why you would eat what you consider to be substandard cake in this situation is obvious.

You are celebrating a baby's first birthday. The baby doesn't give a shit whether the cake has gluten in it or not. You are celebrating a milestone for the baby and his or her parents, and the person who has done the most to both bring that baby into the world and take care of him or her for a whole year is the baby's mother. The mother would like to be able to share a piece of her baby's first birthday cake with all the guests who care enough to celebrate the baby's birthday.

It is a ritual. A special moment between loved ones.

That's why it's nicer to share a gluten free cake than to say to the baby's mother, "We'll blow out the candles on a nice cake that eight of us will eat, and if you and the other gluten free guest want to eat something you can buy a couple of gluten free cupcakes."

Way to miss the point of a birthday cake.

There will be many, many occasions in life where the OP will be unable to share in the eating of a celebration cake. Her baby's first birthday should not be one of them.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:00

There is nothing in the ritual spoiled by having two cakes. The ritual is the sharing of cake, not a cake. The meaning is entirely imposed by the circumstance of the birthday.

The meaning is in the gathering of the people, not what they eat. If the GF mother was on some Nil By Mouth regime at that point, would you expect all the guests to be hooked up to a drip? No. Or would you make a GF cake? No, you'd make a delicious non-GF cake.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/10/2023 10:03

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:36

Why would we eat vile cake when we can have nice cake? You can have the vile cake and try and convince yourself, like so many people here, that it's just as good.

Show quote history

You do realise being coeliac is not a choice don't you? It's shit enough without selfish people like you being unwilling to make a sacrifice (if indeed it is) for one afternoon.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:06

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/10/2023 10:03

You do realise being coeliac is not a choice don't you? It's shit enough without selfish people like you being unwilling to make a sacrifice (if indeed it is) for one afternoon.

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Why would you deny me nice cake because you are unfortunate enough to not be able to eat it? How does it make things better for you that things are worse for me?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/10/2023 10:21

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:06

Why would you deny me nice cake because you are unfortunate enough to not be able to eat it? How does it make things better for you that things are worse for me?

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You are expecting the OP to buy a cake she can't eat?

Can't you see how selfish you are being?
One afternoon not the rest of your life.
And that said my Christmas cake was an absolute triumph last year, really enjoyed by everyone.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/10/2023 10:21

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:06

Why would you deny me nice cake because you are unfortunate enough to not be able to eat it? How does it make things better for you that things are worse for me?

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You do realise that that argument also works in reverse !! Gluten free is ‘nice’ these days, so no reason things are worse for anyone.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/10/2023 10:23

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 09:36

Why would we eat vile cake when we can have nice cake? You can have the vile cake and try and convince yourself, like so many people here, that it's just as good.

Show quote history

What an awful comment.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:25

To be clear, I want the best cake for everybody. The nicest GF cake for the GF people. And a lovely gluten-packed cake for the rest of us. Perfectly simple. The best solution all round.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/10/2023 10:26

Codlingmoths · 30/10/2023 09:37

When they make that perfect rich chocolate mousse cake, or the Elizabeth David chocolate almond cake, or the classic orange almond cake, they don’t reach for flour at all. I’ve also had many gf cakes that live on in my memory as standout against cakes wiht flour- a cornflour only sponge cake, light as a feather. A warm spiced cake from a gf baker, requested at many birthday parties, tarts with gf shells. It’s only showing ignorance if people say gluten free desserts including cakes cannot be amazing.

Show quote history

This. A family member is coeliac and I use ground almonds in place of flour when baking for them. Doesn’t spoil anyone else’s’ enjoyment - most of the time it’s not even mentioned.

pointythings · 30/10/2023 11:11

@MasterBeth with every post you make it clearer that you know nothing about GF baking, and that you have been unlucky enough not to experience what it can be.

I make a lot of GF cakes. People can't tell. It really is possible and it really is that simple.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/10/2023 11:13

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 10:25

To be clear, I want the best cake for everybody. The nicest GF cake for the GF people. And a lovely gluten-packed cake for the rest of us. Perfectly simple. The best solution all round.

You have made your position clear too late to backtrack now.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 11:23

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/10/2023 11:13

You have made your position clear too late to backtrack now.

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I'm not backtracking in any sense.

If you care to read my posts, I have always favoured the two-cake solution.

MasterBeth · 30/10/2023 11:23

pointythings · 30/10/2023 11:11

@MasterBeth with every post you make it clearer that you know nothing about GF baking, and that you have been unlucky enough not to experience what it can be.

I make a lot of GF cakes. People can't tell. It really is possible and it really is that simple.

People can tell. They are too polite to tell you.