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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

606 replies

IntergalacticP · 24/10/2023 20:06

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
SunflowerSeahorse · 25/10/2023 18:08

GF cakes these days are usually indistinguishable from cakes with gluten. Tell him to buy his own separate cupcake if he's that much of a sulky baby

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 25/10/2023 18:10

If your husband's that bothered, maybe he should have ordered the bloody thing himself. Calling you selfish over a bit of cake, what an absolute fanny. Tell him to fuck off, seriously.

Thinking2022 · 25/10/2023 18:10

GF a cakes are better as lighter. Poor you hope you can still enjoy the cake and day. You are not being unreasonable but next time maybe have both types

Onthelongroad · 25/10/2023 18:13

I don’t like chocolate and DD (16) loves it. I sometimes suggest making her a chocolate cake for birthday and she always says she’d prefer something the whole family can enjoy. I don’t think you’re being at all U - gluten-free cakes can be great, your DD is a baby, and things everyone enjoys are always best!

Witchesdontburn · 25/10/2023 18:14

So he’s happy to stuff his face with cake while you look on, yeah I know who the selfish one is and it’s not you.

crowisland · 25/10/2023 18:15

Jews make GF cakes annually. Think orange almond tarte. Chocolate nemisis…

ZaphodBeeblebroxArthurDent · 25/10/2023 18:17

I often make GF versions of my usual cakes where needed, and I've never yet had any complaints - even I can't tell the difference for basic cakes like sponge or Christmas cakes, and more importantly, people often pay me to make them for them!

I'd actually say cakes are the one area of baking where GF doesn't affect it at all - just swap out the regular flour/baking powder for the GF versions, and continue as per recipe.

Bread and pastry, on the other hand..... total nightmare GF 😱

MrsAvocet · 25/10/2023 18:24

Not gluten free, but my youngest child has multiple allergies and I always make cakes that he can eat for family birthdays, Christmas etc. If the older children were taking cakes into school or something I'd buy "normal" ones from shops, but I have always thought that everyone should be able to participate in family celebrations.

Bludyhelltobenutz · 25/10/2023 18:29

I disagree - you certainly aren’t being selfish - I think it’s him that’s being selfish. I think gf cakes are nicer actually!

Buffs · 25/10/2023 18:46

YANBU

MeinKraft · 25/10/2023 18:48

The brass neck of your DH to sit happily on his lazy arse and let you arrange the cake and then complain about it!

Also lol @ the poster who thought everyone serves a sugar free cake to 1 year olds on their first birthday.

2jacqi · 25/10/2023 19:03

hope you enjoy all the cake!! it sounds like they are not too hot so you may very well be the asshole in this case!! you will have the whole thing to yourself

Londonrach1 · 25/10/2023 19:06

Two cakes. Gluten free cakes aren't good taste wise (or the ones I've tried so far) so agree with dh but you obviously need cake too so solution is two cakes

Cantstopcoughing · 25/10/2023 19:16

Becky Excel, gluten free lemon birthday cake. No one knew it was GF for my DD’s birthday

radiantorange · 25/10/2023 19:18

We ordered a gluten free cake for my friends hen do and you’d have never guessed it was gluten free. It was a Victoria sponge and it was one of the best cakes I‘ve had!

teagirl27 · 25/10/2023 19:23

I can't find voting buttons but YADNBU. My kids think the free from caterpillar cake from Tesco is nicer than Colin. The Galaxy gluten free cake is absolutely delicious. Sponge do delicious cakes by delivery. Maybe ask for a sample of the cake so you can be sure? I got someone to make me a GF cake but she'd never done it before and didn't take my advice about ratios and using xanthan gum. It looked beautiful but the texture and taste was awful. It's so much better these days though and all of my own baking is gluten free and people love it. I catered for a work party and all of the cakes were demolished and people were asking me to make more for the office. I think your DH should get over himself. He could easily go to any shop and buy a cake to eat if he wants. That choice is taken away from coeliacs and he clearly doesn't understand what it's like to live as you day to day.

anon666 · 25/10/2023 19:34

You buy the cake, you choose the type.

Let him get another one.

Coldbrewnumber2 · 25/10/2023 19:43

OP - your husband is the selfish one. It’s for a kids party ffs.

He is also pretty ignorant with his “GF cake is not as nice” comment.
I’ve been diagnosed as celiac for a few years - there isn't really any noticeable difference between GF and non GF cakes and he is being very melodramatic 🙄

PeachyPeachTrees · 25/10/2023 20:05

I'm coeliac and would have 2 cakes. One GF and one regular. There's no way my husband would call me selfish if I was hosting my child's special 1st birthday and chose a cake we can all eat. For me the worst bit about being coeliac is not being able to join in and eat like everyone else. It's miserable watching everyone tuck into delicious sausage rolls and sandwiches made with nice bread and eating lovely cake while I'm stuck with other stuff. He can go get another cake if he's that bothered. A husband who is this uncaring of his wife's medical condition is a bad sign.

Missingpop · 25/10/2023 20:20

If you hadn’t told him it was gluten free the gutty sod wouldn’t have been any the wiser until he’d had his second slice then noticed you eating some he’s being totally unfair

IncomingTraffic · 25/10/2023 20:21

It’s actually a bit alarming how many people think that a cake tasting ‘a bit less nice’ is a good reason to exclude someone on the basis of their health condition.

And expect that people with coeliac disease should martyr themselves at parties they are hosting just in case someone has to eat less than optimum food.

There’s even someone else with coeliac disease attending the party.

Eating a bit of GF cake will not hurt anyone in this scenario. But having once properly includes all 10 attendees.

Z1hun · 25/10/2023 20:23

My mum is also coeliac and I honestly can't taste the difference between gf and non gf food. Just ignore him or next time don't tell him.

I make both gf and non gf cakes all the time and my dh can't tell and I don't say either way which it is, just depends on the flour i pull out of the cupboard 🤣

BrideToBe2313123 · 25/10/2023 20:44

IncomingTraffic · 25/10/2023 20:21

It’s actually a bit alarming how many people think that a cake tasting ‘a bit less nice’ is a good reason to exclude someone on the basis of their health condition.

And expect that people with coeliac disease should martyr themselves at parties they are hosting just in case someone has to eat less than optimum food.

There’s even someone else with coeliac disease attending the party.

Eating a bit of GF cake will not hurt anyone in this scenario. But having once properly includes all 10 attendees.

The majority of people have suggested two cakes. Or cupcakes for all.
How is that exclusion or martyring of coeliacs?
They get the same thing as everyone else.

The ONLY reason why you'd think this was a problem is if you think the GF cake will be less nice.. but... wait for it... that's exactly what DH is saying!

If it was just OP's family I'd think it stupid - DH can certainly put up with GF cake. But they're inviting other guests. As a PP has said the DH is being U for using 'selfish' (that's a strong word) but this obsession with a single 'first birthday cake' doesn't make any sense.

Also if the cake was that important no idea why OP couldn't have ordered a smaller one from a baker to try, or gotten samples.

I have had lots of cake, good cake, shit cake, the variation in 'free from' has been the most massive.

It really is a problem that's simple to work around...

LodiDodi · 25/10/2023 20:54

Tbh for all you both know your dd might also be coeliac as it's much more likely if a close relative has it, but the symptoms don't usually get severe enough until later on

WoosMama13 · 25/10/2023 21:06

As a fellow coeliac, I'd get child and other guests a regular cake and me a little something GF to nor miss out. But that's me. I wouldn't expect everyone else to go GF unless I was the birthday girl!

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