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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

606 replies

IntergalacticP · 24/10/2023 20:06

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

OP posts:
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8
LodiDodi · 26/10/2023 21:21

Those insisting all gluten free cake is awful have probably only tried it once or twice. Yes there are lots of bad gluten free cakes but there are also lot of bad cakes containing gluten. It's entirely possible to have a delicious gluten free cake but indeed it's more likely if it's made by someone with experience in that area, as it is different to standsrd baking, either at home or in an decent baking business.

SirVixofVixHall · 26/10/2023 22:09

DoraSpenlow · 25/10/2023 10:56

Doves gluten free flour is not rubbish. As above, I have won cake competitions using it and no one has been with the wiser.

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I agree. I bake a lot using Dove’s farm and people are surprised that the cakes are gluten free.

ehb102 · 27/10/2023 12:48

@LodiDodi I pride myself on making cakes that any GF, DF, egg free person will adore. However I can personally taste the texture of gf replacement flour and I hate it. I wish people would just accept that is a fact. Almond cake naturally no gluten? No problem. But like vegan gelatine alternatives, I don't want to eat them.

Pezdeoro41 · 27/10/2023 13:11

Gluten free isn’t great for cakes, texture does tend to be a problem. It’s generally people who don’t eat gluten who are more used it I find (having had a GF cake inflicted on a non-GF birthday boy recently - and literally no one ate it as it was rather horrid!). I’m with your DP I’m afraid, it’s quite normal to do an additional cake in these circumstances and not really right IMO to expect everyone else to adjust to your dietary needs. You could literally have the same one GF if it’s really important to you to taste the same cake.

Madamum18 · 27/10/2023 14:42

Gluten free isn’t great for cakes, texture does tend to be a problem. It’s generally people who don’t eat gluten who are more used it I find (having had a GF cake inflicted on a non-GF birthday boy recently - and literally no one ate it as it was rather horrid!)

You had a bad experience with badly made GF cakes. They can the same as non GF and people don't even realise!!

MasterBeth · 27/10/2023 14:54

Precipice · 24/10/2023 20:11

So the options are that one person finds the cake less nice than it could be or that one person can't eat it at all? Yet your 'DH' thinks you're the one being selfish?

Some gluten-free cakes can be very nice. Just like some normal cakes can be horrid.

Edited

No, the options are that just about everyone finds the GF cake as not as nice (GF is generally awful) or one person can't eat any. Actually, a much harder dilemma.

(Make two cakes is my answer.)

MasterBeth · 27/10/2023 14:57

Wearealldoingourbest · 25/10/2023 23:05

Well for starters most gluten free cakes taste just as good if not better than "normal" cakes. 2 coeliacs in our family and 2 gluten eaters and none of us have missed "normal" sweets (except for croissants, and GF bread is a different story too!).
Secondly, how bloody exclusionary and rude. Food should be inclusive unless there's a good reason not too (see croissants and GF bread above haha) - birthday cakes are a bonding and sharing food. What's he going to do if DD turns out to be coeliac too (quite likely statistically) have a birthday cake on his birthday that only he can eat and eat it in front of her? What a selfish a-hole. Tell him to pull his head in and be supportive.

I prefer delicious food to inclusive food.

I will always provide vegan/GF/non-alcoholic versions/options, but I'll be fucked if I'm having them

Sadforcavtoo · 27/10/2023 15:42

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 24/10/2023 20:10

Yeah, I'm vegan but I don't expect any cakes to be vegan apart from my own birthday cake. Didn't even get to try my wedding cake. Vegan cake isn't great, gluten free cake isn't great. I know obviously vegan isn't the same as gluten free but I think it's the same principle.

I made a vegan cake for my lactose intolerant daughter once. It tasted just as good as normal cake

Madamum18 · 27/10/2023 17:59

GF is generally awful) it really doesnt have to be!!

Doone22 · 28/10/2023 14:51

Im coeliac, make everything gluten free and yes cakes are totally easy and don't taste any different

Ponderence · 28/10/2023 15:54

Maybe DP can make a non gf cake if it matters that much 🤷‍♀️

veggieknitwit76 · 28/10/2023 17:10

YANBU. You can get fab GF cakes nowadays. Just tell him he doesn’t have to eat it. If he says he wants to have some of his daughter’s first birthday cake…well…he’s made your point for you. Maybe he can carry the next child, then he can choose their birthday cake!

22p · 28/10/2023 17:21

if a supermarket bakery id say the taste would be prohibitive, but given you’ve ordered from a bakery, I’m certain the cake will be delicious and most people wouldn’t even notice. Bit mean of DP to be honest.

Magicmama92 · 28/10/2023 17:42

Get it made and don't say anything then when he's eaten it say so it wasn't that bad. And eat your piece.
Our daughter can't have cows milk so I get cakes without it make them with dairy free spread and oat milk. People literally don't even know because they taste the same lol

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 17:50

Madamum18 · 27/10/2023 17:59

GF is generally awful) it really doesnt have to be!!

It's generally less nice. Why do all the gluten-tolerators have to have less nice cake?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/10/2023 18:15

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 17:50

It's generally less nice. Why do all the gluten-tolerators have to have less nice cake?

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Because a sneeze, a cake knife, a plate and general not thinking about it could mean the OP and other person attending are made extremely ill through cross contamination.

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 18:37

But I would think about it and keep GF and regular cakes apart.

Do the people with coeliac disease that you know lock themselves away from society in case they come into contact with anyone eating a sandwich?

Sunshower86 · 28/10/2023 18:49

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 17:50

It's generally less nice. Why do all the gluten-tolerators have to have less nice cake?

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They don’t have to, they can skip it.

MasterBeth · 28/10/2023 18:56

You sound like a great host.

Bamboobzled · 28/10/2023 19:07

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 24/10/2023 20:10

Yeah, I'm vegan but I don't expect any cakes to be vegan apart from my own birthday cake. Didn't even get to try my wedding cake. Vegan cake isn't great, gluten free cake isn't great. I know obviously vegan isn't the same as gluten free but I think it's the same principle.

It absolutely is not the same principle. One is a choice, one is about a serious health problem.

Ohnoooooooo · 28/10/2023 19:07

I have ceoliacs - sorry I think its selfish of you because you know most GF cakes taste dreadful but at the same time I also think your husband is a bit of a dick having a go at you. You are both wanting to enjoy the cake - this is not something we even think about in our house for someone else's birthday!

DoraSpenlow · 28/10/2023 22:41

I volunteer in our village coffee shop. We stopped labelling gluten free cakes because only a few people would buy them. Since we have done this no one has made any comment about cakes not being very nice. Always lots of compliments, We have a few gluten free people who come in and we always let them know which ones they can have. One regular was particularly fussy about "not having any of that gluten free muck". Today I made a gluten free swiss roll. She had a slice and came over to me and said it was ages since she had had a proper home made swiss roll and asked me for the recipe I used.

You should have seen her face when I got to "and 3 ozs of gluten free self raising flour".

Codlingmoths · 28/10/2023 22:47

Ohnoooooooo · 28/10/2023 19:07

I have ceoliacs - sorry I think its selfish of you because you know most GF cakes taste dreadful but at the same time I also think your husband is a bit of a dick having a go at you. You are both wanting to enjoy the cake - this is not something we even think about in our house for someone else's birthday!

You are doing it totally wrong if you think most gf cakes taste terrible. I’m sorry you don’t know any good cooks. We regularly have many of the classic cakes, and for our baby group gf was the norm as a friend was an amazing gf baker. I still dream of making some of her cakes! I’m a huge cake fan and a great baker and am very confident if you had the right gf cakes you would never say that again.

Criceta · 28/10/2023 22:56

Gluten free cake can be delicious 😋 Our wedding cake was gluten free, no complaints from anyone about that! I usually make the kids’ birthday cakes gluten free (and we buy a Colin the Caterpillar for their parties too) so I can have some too - and they usually need a hand finishing it all off 😊 Definitely make it gluten free!

Blueflower1612 · 28/10/2023 23:37

To be honest I do think he has a point. Gluten free cakes do tend to not be as nice as traditional cakes. If it was me I would probably just have got two cakes. I don’t think it’s a big deal for you not to have a slice of the actual cake. It’s about sharing the experience. If it was your daughter who was gluten free then that would obviously be different.