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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP says I'm selfish for having DD's birthday cake gluten free

606 replies

IntergalacticP · 24/10/2023 20:06

Basically thread title.

DD turns one at the start of December. I've arranged for a local baker to make a cake for her. I asked for it to be gluten free as I have celiac disease.

DP said this was selfish. His reasoning being that gluten free cakes aren't as nice as normal cakes. He can't seem to come up with any other reason.

I just wanted to eat some of DDs first birthday cake.

OP posts:
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8
Rosscameasdoody · 25/10/2023 21:36

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/10/2023 20:10

How many people will be eating it, just you 3 or a party?

If the latter then have two cakes. I’ve got a close coeliac friend and always cater for her and I’m a pretty good baker but I wouldn’t make everyone else eat gf baking, it’s always different if it’s sponge. It’s the texture.

Try ground almonds instead of gf flour. Much better texture.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 25/10/2023 21:54

YANBU he is. I found out I have a Gluten intolerance 15 years ago and there is now so much nice GF food in shops. I find Gf cakes are lovely and light so don't think it would be a problem for rest of family to have the 1st birthday cake as well. After allits cake 😁, I give to my son and he doesn't notice the difference 😊

Mumof3confused · 25/10/2023 22:23

That’s ridiculous. Nowadays you can’t even tell the difference.

H007 · 25/10/2023 22:39

YABU it’s your daughters cake not yours. Cakes should always be made with the birthday person in mind and an additional cake for any dietary/allergy requirements.

Wearealldoingourbest · 25/10/2023 23:05

Well for starters most gluten free cakes taste just as good if not better than "normal" cakes. 2 coeliacs in our family and 2 gluten eaters and none of us have missed "normal" sweets (except for croissants, and GF bread is a different story too!).
Secondly, how bloody exclusionary and rude. Food should be inclusive unless there's a good reason not too (see croissants and GF bread above haha) - birthday cakes are a bonding and sharing food. What's he going to do if DD turns out to be coeliac too (quite likely statistically) have a birthday cake on his birthday that only he can eat and eat it in front of her? What a selfish a-hole. Tell him to pull his head in and be supportive.

Cfarrage · 25/10/2023 23:13

He’s a dick I’m coeliac and the cakes better ! Not as heavy I don’t tell most people at work it’s Gf no one noticed and then say how nice it is . As your partner he should Actually be supportive . You literally birthed your child have some dang cake he participate in the 10 minute creation

pineapplecrushed · 25/10/2023 23:14

it would be selfish if it was an older child with friends attending, but it's a one year old. It's fine.

Girlattheback · 26/10/2023 00:23

Having read the whole thread I’m starting to think 2 cakes could work. You and the other Coeliac have half a cake each and the rest of the party get 1/8 of a cake. Plus your husband has to do all the clearing and washing up as you can’t possibly be exposed to the crumbs!

(I do have a Coeliac in the household and we are therefore a totally GF household. I only bake GF now and agree good homemade GF cakes are indistinguishable from the gluten versions.)

To add to the cake recommendations on this thread I’ll take your Nigella Olive Oil cake and raise you a Nigella Cloud Cake Cloud cake recipe

Chocolate Cloud Cake

On days when I want the warmth of the hearth rather than the hurly burly of the city streets I stay in and read cookery books, and this recipe comes from just the sort of book that gives most succour, Classic Home Desserts by Richard Sax. The cake its...

https://www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-cloud-cake

Spinningmom21 · 26/10/2023 00:27

We have two daughters and my husband is a coeliac. We have GF cakes every single year for their birthday and they taste amazing as we get them made (so not shop bought). I wouldn’t have their birthday where I wouldn’t be able to share their cake so why should the other parent miss out!

ASimpleLampoon · 26/10/2023 00:42

Is he offering to organise the celebrations? no? Stick a GF bun in his gob and tell him to shut it then! Prick ..!

jejija · 26/10/2023 08:50

Your DH is being utterly selfish here. You are definitely not being unreasonable!!

TrainedByCats · 26/10/2023 09:42

PuttingDownRoots · 24/10/2023 20:11

I make a GF chocolate cake that is nicer than proper cake...

Generalisations are useless... there's loads of rubbish gluten cakes too.

Don’t suppose you have a link to the recipe PuttingDownRoots (Sorry I know I’m missing the point of the thread)

To IntergalacticP if your DH wants a regular cake he can get a second cake. It’s not up to you to do that. You have valid reasons for wanting GF and you’re sorting the purchase of the cake so you get to chose, it would be different if this was birthday cake for an older child who disliked GF cakes.

QueenOfCarrotFlowers · 26/10/2023 11:17

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog

No it's not the same at all. Being vegan is a choice, Celiac's is not.

Mummymoomingrumpy · 26/10/2023 11:32

There is no massive difference with cakes and gluten free flour. Bread is different but cake is fine. (Even better)
I have baked gluten free chocolate cake for every birthday cake and they all love it. Maybe do a taste test on him!

Mummymoomingrumpy · 26/10/2023 11:35

It’s really not inferior though and especially freshly made

Stressedoutmammy · 26/10/2023 15:27

Two tier cake…one GF, one normal!

Madamum18 · 26/10/2023 15:57

What a load of rubbish..Gluten free cakes can be just as nice as "normal" ones. Just make them with ground almonds instead of flour. DH is daft!

141mum · 26/10/2023 17:04

They are fine, I wouldn’t have told him

AfterWeights · 26/10/2023 17:24

I'd have done two cakes. Ive never had a gluten free cake or vegan that tasted anything like as good as the real thing.

nameXname · 26/10/2023 17:41

All supermarket cakes are horrid, IMHO.
Home made are a million times nicer.

Would agree with previous posters' suggestions of Nigella's Olive Oil Chocolate Cake and Chocolate Cloud Cake. Both simple - and luxurious - for anyone to make (I'm a fan of Nigella because her recipe instructions actually work. )

Apologies if this has been suggested before , but this is also very good:
https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/sep/28/claudia-rodens-orange-and-almond-cake
You can also use a larger number - probably 4 - of smaller citus, such as clementines.

For those anxious about unhealthy foods for a baby, these are about as far from 'over-processed' as baking can be. Just simple and natural ingredients. (I use organic cocoa powder and fair trade 70% chocolate. And organic oranges if possible. )

Claudia Roden's orange and almond cake

Often imitated but never bettered, this simple cake gets its unique moist texture from boiled citrus and ground nuts

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/sep/28/claudia-rodens-orange-and-almond-cake

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/10/2023 19:23

All the people who think GF cake is too vile to eat once for one occasion have absolutely no sympathy for those who have no choice but to eat it.
As I said before so much ignorance.

SerenChocolateMuncher · 26/10/2023 20:35

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/10/2023 19:23

All the people who think GF cake is too vile to eat once for one occasion have absolutely no sympathy for those who have no choice but to eat it.
As I said before so much ignorance.

You are wrong. I have several friends who can't eat gluten and - and believe me - I have enormous sympathy for them having to eat horrible cakes and bread. I am grateful that I don't have to pretend to myself and others that the gluten-free stuff is anything other than the disappointment it actually is.

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2023 20:40

DD just had her 18th. she has a couple of friends who are coeliac and the cake shop made 2 beautiful gluten free cup cakes decorated the same as the cake but obviously on a miniature scale. would something like that be a compromise for you?

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/10/2023 21:16

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2023 20:40

DD just had her 18th. she has a couple of friends who are coeliac and the cake shop made 2 beautiful gluten free cup cakes decorated the same as the cake but obviously on a miniature scale. would something like that be a compromise for you?

Why does she need to compromise?

BrideToBe2313123 · 26/10/2023 21:19

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/10/2023 19:23

All the people who think GF cake is too vile to eat once for one occasion have absolutely no sympathy for those who have no choice but to eat it.
As I said before so much ignorance.

Well actually there are coeliac PP who said they'd rather have no cake than gluten free!

Seriously though. Whether it's good really depends. I used to live in London, now Manchester, plenty of good options (because plenty of coeliacs) but in some less densely populated places it was clear that the gluten-free option hadn't been made to taste good. Just to give people 'something'.