To be worried DS will start school without being potty trained

[Doitproperly]

I’m becoming concerned for September.

DS just isn’t interested in potty training. He won’t tell you if he needs a wee or poo (not even sure if he knows) and refuses to sit on the potty. Feeling really embarrassed and like a bit of a failure. Not sure if anyone’s got any tips?

I was also worried as my son was still in nappies until just 6 weeks before school!
His school was great and said they'd change him if we didn't manage to do it before him starting.
You have a long time to go, I'd take a break
For couple weeks/months and try again.
Once they get it, they get it.

Nothing worked for us; no bribes, stories, special seats etc.
He literally just done it.

My boy wasn't really interested in.the potty he proffered the toilet and being the same as mummy and daddy so we got a toilet seat for him, it sounds harsh but leaving him in wet clothes for a bit so he was uncomfortable did the trick we really struggled with poo then one day he just went and realised its much better than being stuck to his bum x

I've got 5 boys and only 1 of them was toilet trained before 4 and he was trained at 3 years 10 months. 3 of them got it in the summer before reception and the other one got it in the summer between reception and year 1.

You start potty training a child by taking them to the toilet every hour / two hours and making them sit if they want to go or not. Have special toilet toys he can only play with for a wee / poo. Make it easy and comfortable for him to climb up to sit on the toilet (some kids prefer adult toilets with a seat, some prefer potties, you won’t know until you try both). Get a book about potty training - Bing’s toilet train is good.

I can't see if you've said how old he is but there's a long time to September. I'd just put him back in nappies, no more toilet training until April or thereabouts depending on how old he is.
Even just a few weeks make a huge difference at nursery age.

HOW OLD IS HE? Is there a reason you have ignored PPs asking this?

But he's not going to TRY himself.

YOU have to take him, sit him down, read to him or sing with him whilst he sits there

He won't try to use the loo himself

Also if he is 4 or 5 , rather than 3, you perhaps need a doctor to check to see if he's got any physical issues

Is he neurotypical?

I sometimes think that modern nappies are so good at absorbing moisture and not letting the child's skin feel wet / get nappy rash, that children ARE "completely disengaged from the process".

When I tried to get DS out of nappies (one summer long, long ago), it really wasn't working. I was so paranoid about him getting sore skin (he had eczema) that as soon as he had 'an accident', I'd be whisking him straight into clean dry clothes. 'Accidents' continued unabated.

One day, he wet himself 10 seconds after we sat down for lunch, and - I didn't whisk him straight into dry clothes. The seat was plastic, so I just told him to eat his lunch and then we'd go and get him cleaned up and into fresh shorts. He experienced a wet bottom for about 15 minutes, I think. This was genuinely the last 'accident' he had. Feeling wet (and undoubtedly uncomfortable as the urine cooled) connected him to the process of going to the toilet! He'd have been about three and a half at the time.

Maybe you could offer some tips, as the OP is asking for, rather than judgement?

My daughter is 3 and not potty trained yet. Perhaps I am a bit lazy but I'm not too concerned.....yet! She kind of gets the idea of it and knows when she wants a poo/wee but doesn't seem to like the potty. I just know that for child 1 when she was ready it was easy so I'm happy to wait a bit longer.

I think you make a very good point.

You have tons of time so don't worry yet, once it clicks it clicks. Both of mine were hard work to potty train, I can't even remember how we started now. My eldest would happily sit on the potty aged 3 but was very hit and miss until more like 3.5 and still had the odd accident at 4 when he started school but I think he was fine in school. I didn't do anything for the night time, just took off his pull up when it was dry for a while consistently.

My youngest was so stubborn, wouldn't even entertain the potty until he was 3.5 and came round to the idea. Once he did it all just fell into place, I took his nappies away completely for the day and he was fine, tried to put one on at night and he refused so I crossed my fingers and toes but he was fine. That was it, done! He started school last year when he was nearly 5 and he started going a bit backwards, having lots of accidents for a while but once he settled in he was fine.

I remember tearing my hair out thinking we would never be ready for school but it doesn't take as long as you think once they are ready. There is a ton of stuff on the Internet to try but if you need to take a break for a while then that's fine, it will all fall into place in the end.

How old is he?

He's not ready. I'd just wait until summer. It's so much easier to potty train in the summer. It's easier to dry stuff if he has accidents. It's also warm enough to leave him just in pants.

You could read potty training books in the meantime and leave a potty out with a towel underneath in case he wants to try.

Take the pressure off entirely.

Dont worry, mine was nearly 4 and it happened practically overnight. You've got ages

I am going to get absolutely shredded for this on Mumsnet, but we had a tub of chocolate buttons, and she got one for using the potty! Worked a treat 😂

Also, my daughter wasn't arsed for the potty, but we got a ladder come toilet seat thing from Amazon and she much preferred that.

Oh, and once they do start training, it doesn't take long so don't worry too much, September is a long way away

Sorry if this has been mentioned but show him how you go to the toilet and wipe yourself.
Tell him you are going to the toilet because you need a wee/poo etc.
It can't be the most pleasurable experience* *having someone watch you do that, but if you can stomach that, do it, I'd say.

No need for that. OP has come here to ask for help to try and prevent exactly that!

What do you mean, "how do i do it?"

You take off the nappy and leave him bare bum.

You take him to the potty every 30 mins.

You accept he will wet himself/the floor etc. You use language "oh look DS your legs are wet you've done a wee/ you needed a wee".

Eventually over a few days watching him like a hawk, you recognise the signs he needs to go and you manage to get him on the potty when a wee comes out, at which point you celebrate loads, show him the wee in the potty and give him a chocolate button.

Repeat ad nauseam and it clicks.

If you are trying to do it wearing pull ups etc to avoid mess, give up.

Oh and its bloody myth they all show signs "they want to" or "are ready". Loads of kids don't give a fuck and can't be bothered because its boring and they don't mind being dirty. You as the parent make the decision.

@AfterWeights posts like that are where people really don’t understand. Some posters who have replied have had similar experiences to me, where their DC just won’t sit on the toilet / potty or if they will won’t wee or poo. Replying to me in an exasperated tone as if you’re speaking to a particularly irritating child isn’t helpful. Maybe you thought it was: it wasn’t.

I didn’t read all the comments, but my two older kids were 3.5 and 3y 4m when they announced that today they were using the potty. They were done instantly. No accidents, poo and pee in the potty and dry at night (although I used a nappy for a couple of weeks). I had tried “training” when they were younger and they weren’t interested. When I gave up and ignored the whole thing, they did it themselves. I did have potty books and fancy underwear, so it was mentioned as background noise now and again, but I never tried to force it.

So, I’d say for you to not try and force it right now, but maybe still read the potty books and have the fancy undies ready to go and he might get there if there’s no pressure. You have 11 months!

Buy the 'Oh Crap" potty training book. Ignore the bit about the ideal age window. Worked for my kids.

Oh I do have one “incentive” that some boys like! Throw a couple of cheerios in the toilet and let him try to hit them! You’re probably going to have to do a bit of cleaning and also maybe get dad to show how it’s done, but might be worth a try!