Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

I would make it a joke - lol!! No!!! You do it!
then repeat. Everytime.
she doesn’t want to gamble with her card details but is happy to gamble with yours - nice friend.

Unless she is paying for you to be her secretary then she is absolutely taking the p out of you lazy bish

I had a similar situation. At first it was the odd thing but then if we booked a holiday or tickets for something online she would give me cash each week to pay her share.
In the end I said that from now on she either has to join the 21st century and do a bank transfer for the money or physically deposit the money in my bank before I order or book anything. She soon got the message!

Ridiculous. Even my 88 year old Nan isn't scared of paying for things online.

Did she reply?

Tell her to create a separate bank account for just shopping. And she puts money in there as she shops. So she never had to leave a penny in that bank account if she was not shopping. If she don't agree to this, there is one more thing that will sort it all. Let's say she wanted to do a £100 shopping, tell her that you paid and all done for. Take her money. But do nothing in the reality. Pocket her money. After you took the money tell her you did not receive any emails, must have gone to spam or something. If she asks to show your bank account to see if you paid or not, tell her that how rude she was that she is doubting. Tell her that she can't show her bank details as it is her personal and can't show it to her. After she realises the packaging is not coming anymore, she will buy online next time but not using you for sure.

Why do you come on here moaning? You do have the option of saying no.

It stresses me out ordering my own I could not handle anyone else's 🙃

It's your card that's being used so subject to scam, just stop it at once.

Explain you have seen the light, she is right, you agree it's not safe to give card details out and therefore you will not be using yours either in future.

For me, this comes down to the definition of friendship. Does a friend keep asking for things from you or take advantage of your good nature?... Definitely not. Friendship is a two-way, supportive street and this sounds very one-way to me. As you've done it so many times before, she probably feels it's ok to keep expecting the same service but she is not treating you as a friend.... You deserve better hon.

I would deliver the message face to face, or by phone to guage the response but as others have said... No apologies and no reasons should be required. Just a firm...i won't be doing this any more. I've helped you many times, but no more shopping orders please.

Hope this helps 😊

I do this for one of my neighbours. She's old and apparently scared of bank cards / being robbed / cash machines / self scan checkouts. Also extends to what I consider a ridiculous level of caution over identity theft where she shreds everything that has her name or her address on. It's partly because she reads in the press about old people being scammed and it frightens her. She doesn't however feel scared by having thousands and thousands of pounds in cash stashed in hiding places round the house lol

Anyway, I order her things online, visit the cash machine for her, take her shopping ( where every week I hear her complain about how there was only one normal checkout open), I've even set up a couple of direct debits for her from my bank. Her one adult son is no help, he can barely look after himself.

It started 20 years ago when her husband died. Took her shopping three times, then it became something she expected would happen all the time. And I'm still doing it.
The point I'm making is, it's hard to say no, but if you don't then it can spiral!

say no and tell your friend exactly what you have told the people on this website. Don't lie it's really not worth it.

So you think stealing £100 from her is the correct response? Instead of doing as @Dublinwife did yesterday and just sending a msg .

What a strange world we live in .

no is a complete sentence...

No.

There you go, copy and paste.

Just say no and stop doing it. If she’s that worried, she needs to get a credit card with low limit just to use for her online ordering.

YABU for continuing to do something you don't want to do. Grow a spine!

YABU for not reading the OP's update yesterday at 13.49.

You could offer to do the ordering for her, if she finds it difficult, but you will need her card details to do it.

for goodness sake!! do you have MUG written on your forehead??????

Get an American Express British airways reward credit card, order everything for her on it through their reward app, then tell her about the free flights you’re getting because of her spending 😜

No works just as well. No need to add a lie

Hasn't anyone bothered to read the OP's update?

She posted this yesterday:

Dublinwife · Yesterday 13:49
Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

I was thinking the same @RampantIvy , I could understand if it was a long post with dozens of pages but not such a short easy to read thread.