Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

Say “I won’t be able to place online orders for you or anyone else anymore. It’s getting to be too much. I’m sure you understand”

Why is it ok for you to do it but not her?

Just say no, I’m not prepared to do this any more. And then see what she says. If she ignores and asks again, just ignore her. If she keeps on, wait awhile, and then say, I said no.

Or completely ignore the message?

My grandpa used to do this. He was so worried someone would steal his card details - not worried about mine though!!! Fortunately it was only for things that were also for me like a present for my birthday etc. so I didn’t mind too much.

But I think with this friend you need to just say no or next time she asks you maybe show her how to do it or set up a prepaid card for her. Or just say no but she may take it the wrong way but given you’re unsure about the friendship anyway that may be a good thing.

I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it

Why? Just tell her enough is enough and you're not willing to do it anymore.

MIL does this sometimes. I refuse to get involved any more.

But for a friend, surely it's a simple, "Haha Mary, I'm not your PA. Sorry, can't do it." and leave it at that.

If the friendship is based on your willingness to do this for her, it's not worth much, anyway. I'd stop. Why does she think online shopping is so popular, if it's that much of a risk? If she uses reputable businesses, she'll be fine. I'd direct her to an article or video of how to shop online safely and be done with it.

As an aside, it's amusing that she's fine with you risking your personal data/credit/whatever for her sake! What a friend!

You don't need to say no. Just don't do it. She'll get the message when the stuff never arrives.

"I keep doing a thing I don't want to do, wah my friend is so mean!"

FFS just don't do it! It's not that hard. You say "Friend, you don't want to order online as you don't want to use your card details, but you are happy for me to use mine. It's ridiculous and I'm not going to do it anymore"

Man up.

I do this for my mum, who’s not totally confident of her ability not to get scammed. Anyone else would get fairly short shrift if they asked this of me…

Really.

Tell her to order her own stuff it's not really that difficult.

Why would you want to be friends with her if she is just using you as an order point.

Get new friends

Tempted to do this but that may put her off doing it herself even more.

So I'd just say if my card details are good enough to order for you without being stolen then so are yours. Can't do it anymore sorry.

Hi friend, I have had a think and I wont be making any more orders for you/other people.

Showing your age (and made me giggle)

One message - "Just to let you know, it's quite time consuming dealing with your orders, so going forward, I'd prefer you place your own, or ask someone else"

And then, if she asks again "No, sorry, I already told you I don't want to place orders for you". Rinse and repeat

Be polite, friendly and assertive. And direct. Don't mess around making up excuses

One firm text message saying no and you won’t be doing any in the future is all you need to do.

You said that if you don’t do it, you wouldn’t be friends. In reality, is that a friend worth having? You already resent doing it, and by continuing, you’re effectively buying her friendship.

Just say that coming up to Christmas, cost of living etc you can no longer afford it and it’s no longer convenient. If she kicks off, or no longer engages, then she’s not really a friend. Stick to your guns.

'No, you need to do it yourself, or find someone else to do it for you.' Job done. If this causes friction in your friendship, she's not the kind of friend you need anyway.

As is said on here frequently, No is a complete sentence.
Don’t make excuses or waffle, just no. That’s end of conversation.

I used to have a friend like this. In the end I realised she was quite a negative influence in my life. She made me feel very old with her constant moaning about technology. And as someone else pointed out, it was seemingly all right for my details to be at risk!

When I really needed help with something in turn I realised she was nowhere to be seen 😔

After cooling off with the friendship I've realised I feel a load has been lifted, I'm sorry to say.

I would offer to sit with her and show her how to do it for herself a couple of times. You don’t say how old she is, but she may be really anxious about using the technology.
My mum is like this but I coached her through doing an online food order, and buying from Amazon, and now she’s confident enough to buy things herself (with occasional errors when she accidentally ticks boxes ordering things she doesn’t want).

No. Stop it now.

If the Grange Hill kids can say no, you can too! 👍🏻

I'd text back: I'm afraid not.

Then not reply to any further follow up texts.

I used to do this for my mum, and stopped for the same reason, being that I was fed up of feeling like a secretary. I have a toddler and a full time job, with lots of other things going on, so I just didn't need it. She is now getting friends to do it for her...

Just say no. You're enabling her reluctance to join the real world and trust me, it is a thankless task.