Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

I voted YABU because you are mad to let this continue. If that's really the only reason why you're friends, then lose the friendship!

Explain to her that she can put her card on Amazon and when the order is placed, take it off. It also stops any chance of fraud.

Well done. If your friendship ends as a result, the friendship was already over anyway as it shouldn’t depend on you ordering things for her.

Hey friend, this is now a PITA and I'm not going to do it anymore. thanks

oops sorry I missed your reply OP - well done!

Well done OP and don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong

Take her money for the next order but don’t order it, then tell her you have been scammed, give her money back but tell her it was a faff getting the money back so you are not doing it again

My Dad used to ask me to order stuff for him online, it was annoying but he was my Dad and totally incompetent online so I did it. No way I’d do this for a friend. If you are feeling charitable tell her you will show her once, then she’s on her own. If you’re not just tell her no.

She needs to understand how websites manage to keep her card details safe.

I used to be a bit like this and instead I would ring the company on the phone and order and pay with my card. My logic was that I was ringing a bonafide number so I was confident Marks and Spencer orJohn Lewis employees weren’t going to rip me off. When I eventually signed up for online delivery with Asda I got over my worries.

Whether you tell her how websites keep card details safe or send her the information is up to you.

An excuse that might work. When my Dd moved out I was buying her stuff to deliver to her new place. My credit card company refused to authorise some purchases because my address and the delivery address weren’t the same and this was unusual behaviour as far as they were concerned.

So you could tell her you have a new credit card and this will happen.

Just remember by not saying no you are continuing to enable her. She may just be lazy or have an unjustified but real fear. For her own sake she needs to be comfortable to do this bit of ‘adulting’.

A couple of messed up orders will give her the message.

Dublinwife · Today 13:49

Thanks all. I have now messaged and said I can’t help you with payments online anymore and suggested she asks someone else.

Well done OP! Let us know if she responds, but be prepared for silence until it gets nearer Xmas time!

No need to make up excuses, say no, tell her it’s taking up too much of your time and you’re not doing it any more. If she’s taking advantage of your Prime membership if you have it, tell her you’ve cancelled/not renewed it because of the huge price increase. (That’s a legit excuse, it’s the reason I didn’t renew mine) Just

Well done. I get that it can be tricky to say no and change things sometimes so well done on making a positive change.

It's a pain in the arse for you.
Tell her it's a pain in the arse for you.
You don't need to lie or make excuses.

Just. Say. No.

Just ignore her message. Then if/when she follows up reply with "No, didn't get to it, and I don't think I can any more. I am happy to show you how to do it though".

Tell her having so much expenditure on your card is affecting your credit limit (and rating) and you don't want to increase it…
I know when I’ve spent a lot they try and increase it without me asking

Just read the update. Well done you 😊

This is your fault, not hers.

Say no, and mean it.

Don't wait for her to ask you again. Approach her, and tell her that with Christmas coming you would prefer to be just ordering your own stuff, but if she would like you to help her set up an Amazon account (which is very simple to use) or similar, then you are happy to do that. Invite her to meet you for a coffee, so you can do it.

Just say no, you don't want to keep ordering things for her and it's not reasonable to expect people to order for her all the time.

She's being a dick.

Honestly, just say no. Say that ordering for her has become a right pain in the hole so from now on if she really wants something you'll order it with HER card. Or she can schlep to your bank and lodge the money directly and when it's in your bank account then you'll order the item. Otherwise it's a firm no. She'll find some other mug.

I'm reall fed up doing this all the time, so no

Say to her, I love you dearly so I need to give you some tough love. The answer is no because you need to drag yourself into the 21st century. I'll help you while you get used to it

Cancel the cheque!