Friend expects me to order everything

[Dublinwife]

A long standing friend keeps asking me to order things for her online . She refuses to even try to do it because she doesn’t want to put her card details. She won’t even sign up for an e wallet or prepaid card. It’s ok once or twice but now it’s everything. Birthdays, Christmas, anything. She gives me the money but I feel like a Secretary. Sometimes if we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, I’ll get a message , no hello how areyou , just can you order me this today in a large? I’ve told her she needs to do it and she just mouths the words I know, but doesn’t. I just feel like if I didn’t do it would we even be friends? How can I say no? I’ve made various excuses but I always end up doing it. Really fed up. She has family that could do it.

I voted YABU because ffs, just tell her you’ve had enough!

All you’re going to get on here is people telling you to say no. Rightly so, because it’s the only solution.

What your actual question should be is ‘Why am I unable to say no to this person?’

Start blanking those messages. Answer fjr anything else but if she’s hey can you order me….blanked

Option 1: say no when she asks.

Option 2: tell her now that you can’t help her anymore. You were scammed. There is an issue with the money transfers etc.

Option 3: don’t respond immediately. Be unreliable. “Oh, so sorry, but I had a busy few days. I can have a look this evening if you still want it…”

I do not like option 3. It’s messy, drawn out and dishonest.

but it would be a solution if you’re truly incapable of saying no.

Thats so weird! Is she very elderly? I do this for my granny who is 96.

Anyway, assuming she is not in her late 90s or has some form of disability that makes it difficult for her. Just say nope.

Don’t do this. You have no need to lie. Just say you’re not doing it anymore.

I honestly wonder how some people manage to function at all with threads like this.

You say no, that is the only answer.

Tell her to use PayPal

@PumpkinsAndCoconuts Option 2 is dishonest too.

That happened to me too. In the end I just said, I can't because I'm close to my limit."

I find this really hard to believe, no one is really this wet in real life are they?

"Get stuffed, I'm not your secretary" should do it. Sounds like she's not really a friend anyway so you're not going to be missing much if she flounces off.

If this is real. Which is isn't.

Suggest that she gets herself a card with a fairly low credit limit. Then she won't lose too much if she is scammed. She's just lazy. But don't buy any more stuff for her. Many excuses if you need one - you're up to your limit on the card, broadband down etc. etc.

I don’t understand why you are allowing yourself to be annoyed in order to stop her being annoyed. Say, “No. This is too much now. I’ve done it twenty times. You need to order things for yourself. I’m not your PA.” And bloody mean every word of it.

Blimey - just don't do it - see how she reacts when her on-line crap doesn't turn up

^ This!

Just say no, sorry I can’t do this any more. If you don’t want to order online then please ask one of your family members

Has friend got a birthday coming up? just buy a pre-paid Amazon card for her, or for Christmas, show her how to use it, tell her where she can buy them from, done. No arguments.

saying that she was scammed: yes, that, would (admittedly) be dishonest as well. I primarily meant that OP would be honest about the fact that she won’t continue to order for her “friend”. Whereas option 3 would leave her friend hanging.

the issue of the money transfers, proper bookkeeping etc.: that would be a real concern for me. I would want her to confirm (in writing) why I was given x amount of money and to confirm that I did not benefit financially or otherwise.

that might be a bit overly cautious on my part (probably influenced by my professional background). But the issue of money laundering, illegally gained funds etc. would be a very real concern (for me).

You have to be firm and tell her no, OP.

What is she worried about? Is it a cybersecurity thing? She doesn't trust her card details being "out there" on the internet because it's too risky? Then why should she expect you to take that risk every time she wants to buy something? She can go to physical shops and do in person shopping, like everyone used to and like most elderly people still do.

Is it just ineptitude? If so you're doing her no favours by letting her stay in her comfort zone like this.

Some sites like Amazon will let you store your card details meaning that you only have to do it once. Could she really not manage that? You create an Amazon account for her with her own card details saved and then all she has to do in future is click "buy"?

You have to say no. Just say you are finding it difficult to budget and due to direct debits coming out, you don't want to be caught without the funds available in your account.

just say 'no ' and don't do it. It's not rocket science. You could add "I don't want to ' but that's not essential.

Stop being such a door mat OP.
Just tell her you don't want to do it any more and she'll have to do it herself.

I know, right!! So many threads like this. I wonder why... it must start in childhood - little girls being told all the time they must comply.

How about you don't want to order online with your card any more either in case you get scammed?!!

Talk about double standards!

Either tell her no, or keep accidentally “forgetting”! OOPS, sorry, I forgot, will try to remember. Oh crumbs, so sorry went out of my mind…etc etc. Basically being so unreliable she gets nothing ordered. She will soon —find another mug-- do it herself